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-   -   *sigh* Parents and respect.. (http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk/%2Asigh%2A-parents-respect-28264/)

Zab 05-23-2009 08:41 AM

*sigh* Parents and respect..
 
I'm getting so sad now..

I have education on horses, I have experience and I know something..
Daddoesn't. He drove some working horses as a kid. And he willingly admits that I know more than he does and he claim he wants to learn..

But whatever I say, whatever piece of advice I'm giving him, I'm wrong, and he has his own ideas, and thats not right on his horse and so on...
And then there comes someone he has met for maybe 5 minutes who perhaps had a horse 10 years ago, and say the exact same thing I've said before, and all of a sudden he gets all thoughtful and ''Oooooh! Yeah, that's must be it!"

I mean..wtf!? He trusts more on a complete stranger than on his own daughter?! He rather believes in someone who he has o idea what experience they have on horses, than me who he knows has an education and experience?

It doesnt matter what I say.. I say his horses hooves arn't the best quality and it could helb with biotin, and he doesn't believe me. Then two days later he comes in and say 'the farier said I could try some biotine and that that could help! That's great, I should have known that before!"
Ok, the farrier has experience too, but what's with this thing to never believe in anything I say? :(

Why do I even try anymore?

Spastic_Dove 05-23-2009 11:24 AM

It's frustrating, but it sounds like a case of pride.
He may not be crediting you with the advice, but it sounds like he is taking it anyway.
Fathers are used to being the ones teaching their daughters -- Sounds like he doesn't want to accept that :P

NorthernMama 05-23-2009 11:50 AM

Teaching people that are close to you is the hardest. I used to be a skiing instructor and a good one, but I could not teach my boyfriend then and now I can't teach my kids. Teaching a parent can be very hard because you are dealing with the closeness, and a generation barrier. Try to change the words you use and the phrases. Think old-world; try to understand how it was when he was younger. Ask him about it. If you can understand how he thinks, it makes it easier to explain and also easier for him to accept.

Joshie 05-23-2009 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zab (Post 312709)
I'm getting so sad now..

I have education on horses, I have experience and I know something..
Daddoesn't. He drove some working horses as a kid. And he willingly admits that I know more than he does and he claim he wants to learn..


I mean..wtf!?

Respect is a two way street. You can't change another person but you can change your own behaviors. Maybe you should examine that.

Zab 05-24-2009 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joshie (Post 313206)
Respect is a two way street. You can't change another person but you can change your own behaviors. Maybe you should examine that.

So he has to know more than me on this matter too even tho he admits he doesn't? I respect his knowledge in many other things, and I listen to his ideas, but when it comes to horses I do know more than he does. I do have more experience, and I do have more theoretic education as well. That's the one thing I do know anything about, that's why it hurts so bad when he rather listen to someone he just met who he have no idea what kind of attitude they have on horses or what experience they have.. For all he knows it could be people who prefer to use sharper bits or sidereins etc instead of looking over their training; something I know he's very much against.

Zab 05-24-2009 11:54 AM

He came and apologized today. Annie had noticed I got sad yesterday and talked to him about it when I wasn't there.

It would be great, it's just that it won't change anything. I know because it has happened before. He still won't take my advices unless someone else tells him the same thing.

Joshie 05-24-2009 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zab (Post 313452)
So he has to know more than me on this matter too even tho he admits he doesn't? I respect his knowledge in many other things, and I listen to his ideas, but when it comes to horses I do know more than he does. I do have more experience, and I do have more theoretic education as well. That's the one thing I do know anything about, that's why it hurts so bad when he rather listen to someone he just met who he have no idea what kind of attitude they have on horses or what experience they have..

Not at all. But I think you need to examine your attitude. You can't change his. You do have control of yours. Maybe if you change your attitude or your approach things will improve. I'm glad that he apologized for hurting your feelings. That shows that he does care.

Even when our children know more about a subject than we do they are still our children. Please try to put yourself in his shoes. Also, things may be easier if you clearly state how you feel. Maybe he will be able to clearly state how he feels. You know, he may very well have heard what you said but if he's not a horsey person maybe he needed to hear the same information from another person/an adult to verify your advice. He may well have needed to hear the same info from two people even if initial advice hadn't been from you.

You know, my mom is a nurse. I'm a nurse. My mom can tell my dad something but he he'll ask me the same question he asked her. He'll believe me first. Now, doesn't make a bit of sense but, hey, we all have our quirks.


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