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- - Okay, I know i'm being a spoiled brat, but... (http://www.horseforum.com/parenting/okay-i-know-im-being-spoiled-292673/)
Okay, I know i'm being a spoiled brat, but...
Hey, this is kind of a venting post. So my parents refuse to let me take horseback riding lessons more than once a month (unless I pay, for lessons, and if they're willing to make the 30 minute drive). Their reasoning is that "its too expensive." On the otherhand, they just bought a ten thousand dollar camper, and are paying 2000 rent for it. They also sometimes buy gas for my brother, and put $20-50 in his account when he overdraws it. They have also payed for his multiple car accidents (i've lost track of how many): went into ditch 2x, 1 speeding ticket and car into ditch, 1 railroad accident with a totaled car. There are probably more that I cant remember. So my question is, why are they willing to give out money to my trouble making brother (they kicked him out once, and let him come back after he threatened to kill himself), and refuse to let me take more than one horseback riding lesson per month (and sometimes not even that)? I had to beg relentlessly for 7 years just for
horseback riding lessons once a month. I have never caused them any problems. I'm a straight A student, and have never gotten in any trouble at school. How is this fair?
Please note: I know im being a spoiled brat. I know its their time and money, and that they can do what they want with it. I just can't help still feeling a little hurt though...
Posted via Mobile Device
I don't get the impression that you're being a spoiled brat - your brother's behavior strongly describes, "Spoiled brattiness"! You, however, seem very mature in your post....I can't think of a good answer as to why your parents are catering to him while you make a simple request to be involved in a productive venture, and with good grades to boot! I will share that in many ways, you are describing my teen years as well - My brother didn't get into trouble as yours has, but I was a National Honors Society/AP student and was denied, (as you are), from such pursuits while he, (C- student), was handed most everything.... Do I love my brother? Most certainly! Have I ever figured out to this day the reasoning of my parents? No! But you're close to adulthood yourself, I assume, and my advice is to find a good stable and take those lessons, pay for them yourself (when you have a job/income of your own) and enjoy!!! :)
Hey! Vent all you want. It's true, parents can be selfish too.... and it always seems like the "bad kid" gets all the attention!
No it's not fair but life is not fair. Keep your grades up, get a good career happening and you will be able to ride to your heart's content. Until then, be happy with a monthly lesson, better than nothing.
Posted via Mobile Device
I have to ask... how old are you? If you aren't to the point where you are old enough to drive and really manage your own money, they may help you out with gas money and the occasional account supplement when the time comes. Unfortunately, you sometimes just have to live with life not being fair. The only suggestions that I have are for you to try and earn a little money of your own for extra lessons. Ask your parents if you can do chores around the house to earn more lessons, and look for other ways to make money. When your parents see how serious about riding you are then they may be willing to help out a little more.
When I was a kid, my trouble making brother took so much of my parents money and attention. Way more than his one/fifth share. the rest of us (4) got along much more independently. Guess who is doing well now? and who isn't?
Thanks guys:) sorry, but I really needed to vent. And i'll try to take everyone's advice:) thank you.
Posted via Mobile Device
one thing to tell your parents is that it is almost a waste of money to do one lesson a month. it's very hard to progress at that rate, and you have to relearn like 98% of what you learned the lesson before. It's almost better to either do at least twice a month (rock bottom min.) or not at all.
It's an investment. the skills you learn are not just fluff. It's like giving a child flute lessons, or boy scouts, or tai kwon do. These are things that develop a child in ways outside of just growing up at home. They are a gift a good parent gives a child, IF it's possible, and the return on the investment might not be what you think it will be, but it will be there.
You could play your brother's game and tell your mom you've been thinking of getting a job and maybe even quitting school. I know a fellow who keeps his parents on the hook by periodically threatening suicide to them. His wife doesn't know about that or the manure would hit the fan. It's called emotional blackmail.
I know exactly where you're at, except I'm an adult now and can't really complain. :-)
I love my brother, but as much as I hate to say it, I cannot stand to be around him. I strongly suspect he has Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD), but my mom won't get him tested because she's afraid he'll be put on "scary" drugs...I personally think that she thinks if she tries harder to parent better, he'll be kinder. Or if she works with him, and we all treat him with respect (which we do most of the time anyway). She just doesn't want to admit that HE has a problem.
My brother is 13 now, and for as long as I've known, he's gotten everything handed to him. I really can't complain there either, because I was spoiled and didn't deserve it either, and now I wish I hadn't been. Anyway, he gets to watch TV whenever he wants. If I'm in the living room on the couch watching something on my laptop and he comes in and turns on the TV, I don't win that match. I have to move, even if I was there first. My parents think that he does stuff innocently, but I know deep down that he does it just to annoy people. He enjoys being a butthead.
He can also throw as many tantrums as he wants without getting punished. It's a struggle day and night. My mom can't get him out of bed to go to school, and he shuffles his feet when he finally gets out of bed. When he gets to school, he's okay, but sometimes he gets in trouble for arguing, and he doesn't do his homework - and he doesn't let my parents know he has homework, of course. He gets home and goes to watch TV or video games. He refuses to do homework. When Mom tells him it's time to go to bed, he throws a fit. She goes to bed (she sleeps in the living room on a portable bed - long story), and he continues to make lots of noise and stay up. He doesn't turn the volume down on anything, he stomps around, talks to himself loudly, and then is loud in the bathroom when he FINALLY takes his shower. He goes to bed around midnight. And there goes the cycle again.
The thing I can't stand, besides the fact he enjoys making people mad, is that he's mean to the cats. He squeezes them, pulls their tails, lifts them by the front paw, and he enjoys it most when he makes them meow.
I'm sure this sounds very heated - I'm currently a little steamed up about his behavior and my parent's lack of response to it. If it were me, I would never get away with this! They refuse to change their tactics and let him get away with murder. It's a huge concern because he does get physical at times, and he has broken many things in the house either when he was angry or when he was messing around, including the television. Guess what? Parents bought a new one, and he gets to use it. Anyway, my point is that ODD can progress to conduct disorder, which is a much worse form of ODD, and that can turn into some sort of antisocial personality disorder, like bipolar or even sociopathic behavior.
The one thing that I struggled to accept and still sometimes do is that my brother always gets the attention and the spotlight. My mom goes to every 4H meeting with him, went on all Boy Scout trips with him, goes to all his wrestling matches, takes him places, and refuses to go places without him because my dad and him butt heads, and Mom dislikes that Dad does not do anything with my brother (he's just had enough of my brother and cannot stand to help out anymore).
My parents never come to any of my riding lessons, where I could use someone to videotape me to see what I need to improve upon. This year, they didn't come to any of my horse shows. When I tried telling them I wanted more of their support, my dad went off on me and told me I was being selfish because him buying the trailer and giving me his old truck was more support than I deserve. I have always just wanted moral support - even before I was an adult. I really struggled with it my senior year in high school. I rarely can go anywhere with just me and my mom. She always insists on bringing my brother along, and I'd rather just go alone then. When we go places, I drive separately because my brother is obnoxious in the car and loud and kicks on people's seats.
Despite all this, my mom's relatives don't seem to think my brother is a problem. They talk to him and engage him in conversation. They are interested in his hobbies. They say how much he has grown up and are impressed by his accomplishments.
And me? I get treated like the screw-up. My great aunt, I swear, thinks very poorly of me, and I don't know why. I can't be around her for five minutes before she starts picking at me. I know I'm far from perfect, and I do have guilt for my imperfections and mistakes. She is always quick to point out my flaws. And a lot of my mom's relatives really don't say much to me. It's as if I'm not there. They don't ask about my hobbies (horses), but if it comes up in a conversation, instead of being interested, they cut me down and ask why I have three horses because it's a waste of money, or they make some other negative comment. As a result, I don't visit them often.
I think I just hijacked this, lol, but I guess my points are these: Sadly, you can't control what your parents do. I've tried, and you just have to accept that you can only control yourself. Keep on being as great as you are, even though your parents aren't being as supportive as you would like. You'll be doing yourself a favor. Lastly, see if you can find some other outlet of support. Support is very important. So confide in a friend, a boyfriend, a relative, or a member of a group you might be in. It helps. Also, you will be an adult at some point where you can make your own decisions. And that will be very satisfying for you.
I'm sorry for giving you my entire life story. I just want to let you know, I CAN RELATE! :-)
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