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NorthernMama 10-21-2013 10:42 PM

How do you overcome your own prejudices?
I am prejudiced. Or at the very least, I prejudge and/or am not comfortable talking to/hanging out with some people. It is totally and completely based on something that has nothing to do with who they are as people, what their character is, what their morals are, goals, etc. etc.

I know it. I, hopefully, don't show it. So far, no one has ever said anything to me about it and I know several people that I am "prejudiced" against. I always figured that if I just got to know them better I would get over it. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be working. Of all the people I can think of that I know with the characteristic that bothers me, at this moment, I can only think of one that I can sit down with, actually have a good time with and honestly say, "I like you."

I'm convinced I have some kind of mental block about it. How do I get past it? It seems so weird to be prejudiced, know it, not want to be, but still be prejudiced. And it's just that one characteristic. Honestly, anyone can be purple with pink polka dots and I just don't care.

The reason I am asking is because I have stopped riding with some people because of it. Seems like a really dumb reason.

DancingArabian 10-21-2013 10:49 PM

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Depends on what the quality is. If it's something like a personality trait that makes them annoying that's a lot different than hating someone because of their race.
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NorthernMama 10-21-2013 10:53 PM

Definitely not a personality trait. I won't say what it is publicly as I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make them defensive. It is not race either.

It would be something similar to saying, "I don't like so-and-so because her hair is blonde" or curly, or straight, or whatever. That's not what it is, but a comparable example.

Dreamcatcher Arabians 10-21-2013 10:58 PM

What kind of off putting things have you been told about that characteristic? Something as a young child that while, as an adult you know better, no matter how you try you can't squash it?

NorthernMama 10-21-2013 11:02 PM

Hmmm... definitely a couple of things, but I KNOW in my head that they are not true. Maybe I need to convince my subconscious somehow. But just thinking about it now makes me feel "icky." How weird is that?

There must be some kind of self-help books out there for this... maybe I should browse

Dreamcatcher Arabians 10-21-2013 11:10 PM

LOL! Well, if it's messing up your riding time because you won't/can't ride with certain people over something you KNOW is not true, yeah, I'd get some kind of help or counselling to deal with it. If it isn't messing with your life, I'd just move along.

EvilHorseOfDoom 10-21-2013 11:11 PM

I think we all have prejudices of some kind - the important thing is how we manage them. I, for example, am a real reverse snob and will dislike people purely on the fact they are wealthy. I am not at all envious and there's nothing wrong with most of them, I just innately don't like wealthy people. But I do my best not to show it (a good idea as I have to professionally engage with many of them) and to overcome my prejudice and get to know the person.

I'm also prejudiced against girls who dress inappropriately, girls who have their hair in little topknots, girls who wear a lot of pink, guys who are image-conscious, large breed dogs, gaited horses, people with heavy American accents, mummy's boys, people who play golf and men with curly hair. That is a lot of prejudices! I just recognise that I'm the one with the problem, not them :lol:

NorthernMama 10-21-2013 11:19 PM

Dreamcatcher - it's definitely not messing with my life. I do prefer to ride alone anyway, but I just feel like I'm a bad person for it.

Evil -- LOL. I don't consider not liking dressing styles to be a unrealistic prejudice. How someone dresses, regardless of their financial standing, definitely says something about their personality. But, the wealthy, accents, men with curly hair... those are along the lines of my problem. I'm glad I am not alone.

flytobecat 10-21-2013 11:25 PM

It's natural to make assumptions about people and things based on past experiences. Recognizing that you make those assumptions and not letting them influence is how you overcome them.
You don't have to like everybody and everyone doesn't have to like you.

aubie 10-21-2013 11:40 PM

Most of the things I am seeing I would describe as preference not prejudice. Everybody has them. The line for me is actions. If you do or say things to harm, hurt or hinder someone that becomes prejudice.

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