How do you say goodbye to your best friend? I found out this morning that Junior, the horse I have been riding for the past year, the horse I call mine even though he never really was, is being sold. It is no one's fault. It probably isn't goodbye forever, but things won't be the same.
Junior taught me everything about horses. He taught me to not be afraid and that I could be good enough. He was not only my best friend, he was my savior. He came to me at a time in my life when I was in desperate need of help.
I have started writing a story about our journey together and here it is:
At one point in every equestrians life one special horse presents itself. Most of the time that horse comes at a time when you need them the most. They enter your life, whether be it for a long time or short, and change it forever. I found that one special horse in the summer of 2008, I was 16 and he was 19. At that time in my life I wasn't doing so well. For as long as I can remember I have loved horses, but sadly I am one of few horselovers in my family. I had been riding off and on for years but had recently come out of a three year period of hell in the saddle. My trainer and I did not see eye to eye and so I finally quit and left behind my beloved lesson horse. After six months of no contact with horses I was hitting rock bottom. My depression had become so bad that suicide was beginning to sound more and more like the answer. Like a normal teenage girl I was struggling with school, work, boys and friends and just didn't fell like doing any of it anymore. Horses had always been my release and at the point in my life when I needed them the most, they were gone. That was when I met my savior. He came to me in the form of a 19 year old, chestnut Thoroughbred gelding called Junior, he stood at 16hh and though he wasn't the most amazing looking horse in the world, he was absolutely the most beautiful horse to me. Like me he had been given a hard time in life lately and needed someone to believe in him. I only came across him by sheer luck. I had been searching the interenet horse ads and came across his ad. After speaking to his owner, who would later become a good friend, she afreed to allow me to come and ride him, just until he sold. I remember the first day I met him clearly. My father, who is anti-horse, took me to see him. I was sos scarred from my past riding experiences that he terrified me at first. Of course I didn't give up there and was out to ride him for the first time within the next couple of days. Little did I know that meeting him would change my life in more ways than one.
I have made the decision to discontinue riding for a while at least. I don't want to even think about riding another horse at the time being. I just wanted to let everyone know the news.
Finding a way to cope is the hard part, and in my heart I know that things have to get worse before they can get better.
I will miss you Juneyboy!
Someday I will find a way to get you back. If anyone would be willing to do any type of art for him to remember him by that would be greatly appreciated!
I'm sorry that you won't be able to ride June any more... having lost Pride this year, I do know what you're going through, but if I can offer this as a condolance; you WILL meet many more great horses yet, in your horse experiences...that is one thing that I have learned over the years, and when I lost Pride, I really, really had to take that to heart, because his was a crushing loss. Now, I've got Danni, and he is proving to be so amazing in different ways than Pride; will he ever replace Pride...never, but that's not the point; but he will be amazing in his own special way.
I geuss what I am saying is yes, please take some time to grieve the loss, but also find the strength to get back in the saddle and discover some more amazing horses.
Im so sorry, I made you this. Feel free to ask if you want another one made. I've made a second one I can upload it if you want?
Thanks you guys! And thank you Chingaz that is really amazing. I would love to see the other one. Also if you are looking for text to put on them any of the lyrics from the song Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion fit me and Junior perfectly.
Mom2pride eventually I will find a way back into the saddle. Right now I don't know anyone that has horses and I can't afford lessons [plus I can't work with a trainer as I haven't gotten over past horrid trainer experiences and it makes me edgy around them].
I'm sorry to hear that, and I understand how you feel. I do agree with Mom2pride though, you will find another amazing horse. There will be many more to cross your heart, as long as you open it up to them.
When I sold my Trakehner mare that I bought green-broke out of a field and trained up to schooling 3' hunters, it was really hard. I cried for about a week straight, with my amazing husband holding me and just letting me be a big baby. I sold everything I owned, and didn't so much as look at a horse for a year. It was a really rough period, and I do still regret selling her. She was my entire world, and the best horse I've ever had.
But then I couldn't stay away from them, and got back into riding/training. I have now found, several years later, my new guy and as much as I try to compare him to my mare and be sad, he pushes his way into my heart and he is there for me. He is phenominal, and is really showing me that there is such thing as loving another horse after you've thought you lost 'the one'.
You will find another horse, who is going to love you much the same, unconditionally. No, it'll never take the place of your horse now, but it will be a whole new kind of love. I promise. :) It is like loosing a loved one. We never forget, but we learn how to love again.
I know how you feel although my situation is kind of the reverse of yours. I struggled with really bad depression for a long time and also thought of suicide but for me it was the reason I stopped riding. Much as I love it, I couldn't bring myself to get up and go to the barn. Everything just hurt so much. Since I wasn't riding anymore I sold my horse. I didn't think about horses or riding for 4 years because it hurt too much. Now I'm doing a lot better but now that I actually allow myself to think about horses and riding I feel selling my horse was the biggest mistake of my life. It hurts to think about her and how I gave her up. I miss her like crazy most days and I don't even know where she is. I wish I had a way of finding her so I could see how she's doing. But I know I'll get to ride again someday and things will get better. I'm sorry for your loss and I get how hard it is to keep going when you're hurt. But it will get better in time.
I was really touched by your story, Junior sounds like a fantastic horse. I hope you two remain best of friends even though life is taking you on different paths for now.
Thank you Livetojump and Amba. I know it will just take time. The memories that I have with him will always be with me.
Toadflax that is utterly amazing!! I love it so much, I am going to print it out, frame it and hang it on my wall!
Sure, I love that song. I've made several video clips to that song of Chinga and I. I will get it done as soon as possible
I'm really sorry you have to say goodbye to your friend.
Just hold dear all the good times and know that no matter what, you will always have that in your heart and memories.
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