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Lonestar22 09-27-2009 03:00 PM

Mariah's Journal
47 Attachment(s)
This is long. sorry. potty break nessecary before comensing.

well right now I felt the need to start a journal. I just need a place to sort out everything. Where to start? First off I'm in college so that is stressful enough, on top of that I CANNOT FIND A JOB! I have applied everywhere and no one seems to be hiring. I'm at a loss of what to do. It's so frustrating. My parents support me and I dont need anything, but I dont want to have my parents still giving me their money. Another thing, I can't convince my parents to sell the horses. No one does anything with them and they just sit in the pasture, I would if I had the time to train them, but between job hunting school and a boyfriend I just dont. If I could just get on and ride that would be amazing, but none of our horses are like that. And I really wanna be able to do that but I dont have the money for a horse, i found one that a lady is willing to give to an approved home, but I know I couldnt get her, becasue of my parents. I think this all centers arolund me getting a job. If I could find one and show them I do have the drive to work and what not they may find I have the responsibility to handle the sale and purchase of horses. And the boyfriend. He adds enough stress to my life allready, but he leaves for the Army in 6 weeks and I just dont know wha to do. We have been togther for 6 months and I love him more than anything, but what if it's not the same when he comes back? What if I can't handle being alone? or he changes and doesnt love me? Or he gets hurt or killed? Or any of that? We have been talking about our future together and we want to get married, but i won't do it until I'm out of college, but we could get engaged. I also want to live together before we get married, just so see how that will work and if we can stand each other. lol. And Brett (boyfriend) needs to think about his future as well, what he's going to do AFTER the Army. Or If he's going to stay in and become a career army guy. Or if he's going to college ( I WILL make him go ) UGGGGHHHHH. I just need to go ride, but I can't. im sad.

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