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Britt 12-09-2009 03:29 PM

Ever feel like you're the sensible one of your riding buddies/friends?
 
Well, do you?

I was talking to my grandmother today, and we got on the topic of my friends... specifically my horseeback-riding buddies. I have one friend who is my age, but I feel like I have much more common sense with the horses than she does a lot of the time.

Here's some of the things we talked about...



She got mad at me the other day for not being able to go to a tack store. This tack store is a fairly long way away and I've only had my liscence for a little over a year and still get very nervous when driving, though I'm almost twenty. My grandma has said that she doesn't want me driving that far because I've already had one wreck and been backed into. As I live ith my grandmother, I respect her rules and will follow them. I told my friend this and she almost blew up on me. She's my age, and won't get her liscence because she 'has people to take her places'.

She wants to ride with me, but we live 3 miles away from each other. Not too far... but normally when we ride, I would like to meet in the middle. Half the time, she won't do it... she wants me to ride all the way to her house and then ride back towards my house with her without giving me time to give my horse a break. Then, when she gets ready to go home, half the time she expects me to ride all the way back to her house with her.

She tried to convince me to ride to the local tack store with her... on horseback. Her mare is high strung and more nervous than my 'steady eddie' horses. To get to the tack store, we'd have to get on an extremely busy highway for about thirty minutes. I'm not going to put my horses in that danger. Sorry... Plus, I'm not allowed to ride on the highway and neither is she. sure, we're almost twenty, but we both still live with our guardians... ger parents and my grandma... as long as we live with them, we should respect them and abide by their rules.

She wanted to ride to a friends house... normally, this wouldn't be a problem. but this guy is a breeder and has four stallions pastured around his house... two are breeding stallions, one is a youngster (four years old) and one is an oldie... we were both on mares at the time, and the stallions owner (our friend, the breeder) has asked us to not ride our horses to his house (we never have ridden our mares up there, he just wanted to make sure we knew that) because his stallions would get antsy. (I have ridden my gelding up to his house, but only when he asked me to once because he wanted to give me something). She tried to convince me to ride up there with her when my mare was in heat, saying that it would be ok because I've ridden my mare with him when he was riding his stallions before. I was like 'no, those times me and him rode together with my mare and his stallions was when he asked me to help him to train his young stallion to ride with a mare and not get antsy. He asked me because my girl wouldn't get upset if his stallion got upset'. She got mad and went home.

Another thing... she has this Quarterhorse who is very disrespectful and has tried to intentionally hurt her before... she wants me to come down and ride him with her riding her mare... even though he's not safe to ride. I tell her 'no' and she gets mad at me.

She also wants to go riding with me a lot, when she knows that my horses either don't have shoes or I can't ride for some reason. I give her valid reasons why I can't ride... my horses don't have shoes, I'm trying to get their weight back up, I'm sick, I have to help my grandma... each time I can't go, she gets all mad at me like I'm lieing to her. It's not my fault... but if I'm sick or something, I'm not going to feel like riding, I'm sorry.



Anyone else have a friend like this? This girl has been a very close friend of mine since middle-school... and this attitude only started two years ago when she got her own horse. I've dealt with it for that long and I'm about sick and tired of it...

roro 12-09-2009 08:22 PM

I know a few fellow teenage riders at my barn who are in it mainly for the fun and do stupid things, but I do not consider them my friends. The more experienced adults trust me to clean their stalls and take care of their horses for a larger amount of money (average pay $7 per cleaning, I get $10) and help me with a lot of things, as well as offering praise and helpful feedback on my riding. Some of the other juniors do not get this respect (often get yelled at for doing stupid things) and thus do not enjoy the adults being around, due to their immature behavior such as being too lazy to hoof pick before a ride or leaving the faucets on. They in turn look to me or the adults for advice, but are not openly social with me as they are with other juniors like them. If I were you I would forget about her. No person, no matter how long they have known you, has any right to jeopardize your safety or the safety of your horse. Try to find someone more sensible and level-headed, preferably with more experience, to befriend at the barn. You do not go to the barn and ride to have a party, you go there to have an enriching and safe experience with another living being, a horse. Take this responsibility seriously and remove anything that is dangerous or stressful, including a friendship with someone who cannot take horsemanship seriously. Remember you can have more fun friends at school or other places, at the barn safety is the most important. You will be thankful when you do not break your neck going over a dangerous jump because of immature peer pressure.

Britt 12-09-2009 08:48 PM

I've never gone along with her when she gets these 'ideas'... generally, she's a fairly responsible person, and she truly cares for her horses... if I were pressed, I'd have to say that her horses get better vet/farrier care than mine do, though only because her horses are always on a schedule and mine jump around... like, if her horses lose a shoe or need new shoes or a new trim job, she'll get it fixed asap... if my horses lose a shoe, they'll wait until it's war enough for me to get out there and pull the rest, if mine need new shoes, they have to wait until I get the money, and if they need a trim, I'll do it myself most of the time whereas she'll get the farrir out. If her horses need something like their teeth floated or something, she'll get it done as soon as possibly, but I have to wait until I get the money and stuff like that... her horses get better feed and get fed on a strict schedule... my horses get the best feed I can afford and only get fed on a schedule in winter, in the warmer months my horses get feed as a treat after riding/working. Stuff like that and all, I'd say she was a better horseperson... but when it comes to things such as the horses overall safety and stuff, I'd say I am a bit 'safer' because I think most things through fully and sometimes it seems like she doesn't.


It's winter, and she rides most during this time... mainly on trails, and she tries to convince me to ride on trails with her... it's hunting season. During hunting season, I refuse to get on anything that could be hunted on.


I don't let her pressuring me to do things get to me, I've always been good at brushing stuff like peer pressure off. Now that her mare is preggers, she's being more safety consious... but it still just bothers me a bit. I will admit that sometimes I'm not what most people would say 'safe' with my horses, but I know them and kow their limits and what isn't 'safe' to some is perfectly safe for me with my horses and stuff... just some of the stuff she wants to do is unsafe in the 'it's common sense' part.

I don't want to break of a friendship with her because she was literally my first actual friend I EVER had. Besides her, I only have one or two other people I consider 'real friends who'll be there if ever I need them'. I'm not good at making friends and I cherish the few that I have.

She's not like this all the time, and when she's actually using her common sense, she's a great rider... just when she decides to let it all fly out the window she suggest things that could end in disaster.

I guess this is kinda a vent, in a strange way...

GandRPaints 12-09-2009 09:34 PM

Glad to here you respect your grandmother! Not to many who do at your age. I know its hard at a young age to understand that friends come and go but most of them do. And the ones that do stay in your life usually arent like the one your hanging around with. But it is up to you on how you handle it. Sometimes you have to discuse things with your friends to let them know that how they are acting is not how you like to be treated. If she doesnt like it then you know she isnt a true friend. True friends understand and will try to resolve problems. Some people are also blind to these things and there is no talking them into change. good luck!

eventerwannabe 12-10-2009 02:10 PM

I am in the same boat as you. I have been friend with this girl for 6+ years and she is just a careless rider. I love her and her horse (she actually now owns my first horse), but... I dont like to ride with them. I normally just say im busy or something, as I dont like having my horse be cut off and chased around the arena... "/

anrz 12-10-2009 04:32 PM

I know exactly how you feel! I have a (not close) friend who rides at the same barn as me. She is a good rider and knows so much about horses, but when it comes to responsibility and maturity, she has nothing. Our instructor wants us to wear our helmets most of the time when we're around the horses, and she won't do that. One time, my instructor came by and was just like, "Please put your helmet on, _____." My friend completely ignored her and kept on grooming. She also got very mad because she wasn't allowed to to the 3'6" classes in the shows, when she is obviously not ready. She gets everything handed to her and doesn't do any work, and when I tell her that I don't want to do something, or can't do something, because I'm helping out around the barn, she just doesn't get it. I'm kind of in the same boat as you :). It's not fun, but at least you are mature and responsible enough to not give in to what she's asking you to do!

reveriesgirly 12-10-2009 05:59 PM

SAME BOAT. theres a girl at my barn now and she just throughs the work on other people ; doesnt cool her horse down half the time - steals things from out lunches and steals from the fridge ; once we were left alone there and she went into one of the stud pins and jumped on a mares back and then when the mare bit her because she was kicking her put slapped her in the nose ! she tugs on the leadropes like shes rewareding the horses and does some pretty sensles things .

Britt 12-11-2009 12:28 AM

Wow... didn't know there was so many people who had friends like this.

I would love to keep this girl as a friend, as when we do ride together (rarely now, as back before she got her horse we rode almost daily and she rode my uncles horse) and she's not thinking about stupid things, we have a lot of fun and can really 'chat up a storm' and just talk and hang out... really, we only hang out when we ride now, though we talk online almost daily. We also share our stuff... not like saddles or bridles.. but I have a file and she doesn't, I have certain bts that she doesn't, and she had a surcingle and sidereins that I don't and stuff like that... if she needs something like that that she doesn't have, or I need something like that that I don't have, we trade for a while and stuff... never had a problem with that.

So, like I said, I'd love to keep her as a friend.

I'm not a confrontational type, but I will put my foot down when time calls for it. I really don't want to confront her over it, though, because she gets extremely defensive and huffy and all and is an expert at turning the confrontation around on me and stuff (it's happened before).


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