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Carina 02-11-2010 10:40 AM

translation needed
 
Hey!

I know this is not the right forum to ask for a tranlation but I am Austrian and preparing for a skilled work for my final examination at the moment.
It is about Western Riding, and I would like to ask you if you could possibly take a look at my summary and tell me if there's something wrong.

Thanks a lot!

Summary
In the course of this ‘Fachbereichsarbeit’ a better insight has been provided into the ample world of Western Riding.
Some of these chapters definitely required a further consideration, if they did not go beyond the scope of this ‘Fachbereichsarbeit’.
Cowboys and Vaquero might have differed a lot from each other. However, this would not change the fact that both chose a life in total isolation as well as decided for a close companion, namely the horse, to go through thick and thin (with).
Be it a riding style, which once engaged the rider’s attention as little as possible; today exactly this Western Riding Style combines freedom and independence, radiating pure ease and precision.
With this in mind I would like to especially emphasize the elements of the Indian nations. Not did they only lay the foundation for a non-violent way of schooling a horse; thanks to selective breeding they also contributed a lot to the development of the Western Stock Horses, carefully preserving their heritage until today.

Carina 02-11-2010 04:48 PM

oh sorry, the headline is absolutely wrong, of course i don't want a translation I'd just like to know if my grammar is right, sorry!

White Foot 02-11-2010 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carina (Post 549509)
Summary
In the course of this ‘Fachbereichsarbeit’ a better insight has been provided into the ample world of Western Riding.
Some of these chapters definitely required a further consideration, if they did not go beyond the scope of this ‘Fachbereichsarbeit’.
Cowboys and Vaquero might have differed a lot from each other. However, this would not change the fact that both chose a life in total isolation as well as decided for a close companion, namely the horse, to go through thick and thin (with).
Be it a riding style, which once engaged the rider’s attention as little as possible; today exactly this Western Riding Style combines freedom and independence, radiating pure ease and precision.
With this in mind I would like to especially emphasize the elements of the Indian nations. Not did they only lay the foundation for a non-violent way of schooling a horse; thanks to selective breeding they also contributed a lot to the development of the Western Stock Horses, carefully preserving their heritage until today.

Is it choppy like this in your summary or is it just the way the computer made it? I don't know what type of essay you're writing but the only thing I could pick out that I personally would change is bolded. I would change it to Not only did they...


Good luck !

NorthernMama 02-11-2010 11:06 PM

Summary


In the course of this ‘Fachbereichsarbeit’ a better insight has been provided into the ample world of Western Riding.
Some of these chapters definitely required (delete "a") further consideration, if they did not go beyond the scope of this ‘Fachbereichsarbeit’.
Cowboys and Vaquero might have differed a lot from each other. However, this would not change the fact that both chose a life in total isolation as well as decided for a close companion, namely the horse, to go through thick and thin with. (uncomfortable phrasing, but correct; keep the "with")
Be it a riding style, which once engaged the rider’s attention as little as possible; (this is not a correct sentence and before a semi-colon it must be a complete sentence. Try again. I'm not sure what the subject of the sentence is supposed to be.) today exactly this Western Riding Style combines freedom and independence, radiating pure ease and precision. (nice sentence here though)
With this in mind I would like to especially emphasize the elements of the Indian nations. Not only did they lay the foundation for a non-violent way of schooling a horse, (comma not semi-colon) thanks to selective breeding they also contributed a lot to the development of the Western Stock Horses, carefully preserving their heritage until today.


Is "Fachbereichsarbeit" supposed to stay in German or are you looking for an English word for that? I would use the word "study" maybe. (Perhaps someone who has done school papers will know a better word. It means kind of a thesis, but not quite so deep. It's not a master's thesis, but a supportive or disputing analysis of a subject.)

All in all - without reading the whole text preceding this, it sounds good; The only real issue I see is the phrase I have marked in blue. I won't be able to look again tonight, but maybe someone else can if you post another version.

Good job. I wish my German was as good as your English!

jamesqf 02-11-2010 11:54 PM

There are a number of places where it could go better. (I'm assuming the object is to translate it as a native English speaker might write it?)

Either "The Cowboy and the Vaquero" or "Cowboys and Vaqueros". As you have it, one's plural and the other's singular, and they need to agree. I'd use the first myself.

"...both chose a life in total isolation as well as decided for a close companion, namely the horse, to go through thick and thin (with)."

I don't know how literal a translation this is, but it comes out as clumsy English. Without seeing the original, I might write the sense as something like "...both chose a life in isolation from other people, choosing instead to go through thick and thin with their close companion, the horse."

"...emphasize the elements of the Indian nations."

I'd use "contributions" instead.

Hope this helps.

Carina 02-12-2010 01:59 AM

thank you soooo much for your help!!!!!

Carina 02-12-2010 02:02 AM

@ white foot: no it's just the computer, the layout is of course better

@ Northern Mama: wow thanks a lot, i really appreciate that ;)

Well my teacher said it is not necessary to translate the word 'Fachbereichsarbeit', I suppose it is the same as 'skilled work'.


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