Just bummed out, or somthing else?
I have been feeling so bummed and down lately… and I’m just not sure why… but I have a pretty good idea what’s bothering me.
I sold my dream horse because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, I now know it wasn’t and he has a great home so I am happy for him; but, I do miss him so much. :cry:
I finally have a quality barn to board and ride at…. And now I want my quality horse back. Breaker, the horse I sold, was the only ‘nice quality’ horse I ever owned. He was my dream horse, and he could have easily taken me in the western pleasure direction I wanted and still want to go in. Now I have the barn, the experience and help… but not the horse. It just breaks my heart.
I have been through having a horse for three years trying to make it a western pleasure horse just to wake up one day to my instructor telling me it was impossible, he was something of a non-gaited Tn Walker/Paint/Mustang looking mix and I was to young to realize that it just was impossible…. And after THREE years of telling me it could work one day my instructor finally told me the truth… and I sold him not long after to a trail riding home where he would finally be happy without me forcing issues that he could not physically do (I felt terrible for trying for those three years, when he was such a great horse and our ‘training problems’ were mearnly conformation flaws)… not long after that I got Breaker because I was then older and smarter and knew what I wanted….
I love my Spud. He is so cute, fuzzy, and I love learning about all the horse growing pains of having a foal to bring up. I know it is wrong to say it, but when I look at Spudster, I have this feeling of guilt because I know he will end up not being what I want. I am so used to disappointment, in people, barns, horses, myself… that it is hard to even get excited about his future. I wanted something I could keep forever, that would take me in the direction I wanted to go… I didn’t even truly want Spud, but I just could not walk away from him after meeting him in the hole he was living in. I just don’t want another heart break because he isn’t conformationally capable of what I’m looking for. Three years is a lot of time and money… and in three years I’d like to have a horse that I REALLY want… not just one I feel stuck with.
I found a horse I would DIE to have:
He is amazing, and looks very similar to Breaker…I REALLY want him. I would buy him right this second if I didn’t have Spud… and you cannot tell me Spud is the same quality.:-(
I just want a horse that will take me some place; I have the barn and the trainer….
Perhaps it is just winter blues… I don’t know… but I feel like I’m never getting anywhere because when I had the nice horse I didn’t have the help…. Now I have the help and not the horse! I’m sick of drifting around in the state of ‘impossible’ and always wanting what I will never have when I could have had it all!
I’m so confused about where to go from here…. I feel like just saying the heck with it, the heck with horses all together… I’m never going to get any further than where I am now anyway… and it isn’t any fun when you never reach any of your goals.
Any food for thought would really help me out....
I think you are setting Spud up to fail before you even start. Even his name is not a winning nickname! You seem to be set on finding another horse, so just find a new home for Spud, and buy Rudy. No one is going to hate you, especially not Spud, when you can give him to a home who will put him on a pedestal and think the world of him, rather than just as a "runner up". I don't mean to rag on you, but I bought my guy, and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
If you can't be taken back to your eight year old self who always wanted a pony and your horse is the best thing thats ever happened in your whole entire life, then there's something missing in the relationship. If you honestly want to keep Spud and give him the quality forever home he deserves, you have to focus on his positives and what he can do, rather than continually comparing him to better things.
I must admit, the most fugly horse in the world would be better than no horse at all! :lol:
I know I am setting Spudster up to fail... but I don't know how to stop it!? I was never a negative person, I hate being like this. Plenty of people would just love to have any horse, so why am I complaining? I just don't know.
I have to keep Spud until he is 3. I know I have to keep him until he is gelded (this spring) and not just broke to ride but trained in somthing; whatever that may be. The chance of him getting a good home will greatly increase when he is gelded and trained :D.
I am really hoping that I will be surprized... and he will grow up to be awsome!
I think what I really need is to stop looking at the big picture and start looking at all the little pcitures... it is just SOOO much easier said than done.
I really hope this is just winter blues!
.... urrr, sorry stupid internet!
I agree, it could be the winter blues :-) But selling a horse isnt a easy thing to do...although I have never had to do that, I currently have my Bashkir Curly gelding up for sale right now. Granted, he is not the better of my two horses, but I still will be sad to see him go. I took him on as a project horse two years ago, and although I have gotten him through alot of stuff I dont have the time for a "greeny" right now.
Just be glad that you still have a horse :-) One that is healthy, young and full of life. I am sure that he will put a smile on your face on days when you need that only horse in your life. Just give time a chance to settle in...your feelings for him might become like night and day before you know it. Hang in there :wink:
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