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Plains Drifter 03-03-2010 10:42 AM

Calling all parents advice wanted
 
This is for the parents on the board.

I need your advice, but before I can ask, I need to give you some background information.

1. My daughter is 17 and doesn't understand the value of things. She's had more cell phones bought for her that's she's lost, broke, or whatever. (I've quit buying them for her) This includes a mp3 player that was like the Ipod Nano that we paid close to $300 for a couple of yrs ago. So she just looked at me and said..well, now you can buy me an Ipod. I refused. Her uncle bought her one for Christmas.

So I give her the ground rules. Absolutely NO taking it to school, otherwise it's mine.

Yesterday I found out she took her Ipod to school. I took it away from her. She didn't fight me or make any arguements about why I shouldn't take it away.

Now..I'm wondering. She's 17. Should I just hand her the Ipod, let her do whatever with it and if she loses it..its just gone? Let her figure this out on her own? I mean she's going to 18 soon. If she doesn't learn now..when is she going to learn?

Or do I stick by my word and keep it?

What would you do?

Alwaysbehind 03-03-2010 11:10 AM

I am sorry if this comes off as rude, but why are you suddenly caring that she is materialistic with no sense of responsibility now that she is almost 18 instead of working on this when she was younger so it did not happen?

I personally would take the Ipod away for good and that would be the end of it. You had a rule, she broke it. Done.

mls 03-03-2010 11:16 AM

Unless you are going to follow her around for the next 50 years, I suggest you have a chat and lay things on the line.

Long past time for her to be responsible for her own things.

Fowl Play 03-03-2010 11:35 AM

You lose a lot of ground if you go back on your word. Whether taking it away was the right thing or not, if you change your mind she'll realize that she can walk all over you. Just because she's approaching the age where she's on her own, doesn't mean that you can quit now. Long after she graduates and moves out she'll be relying on you for things and if you don't have some ground rules you'll be her stepping stone and she'll walk all over you.

I teach high school...don't back down, don't stop caring, and remind her that as long as she lives in your house, it's your rules. Once you give it back to her, maybe tell her that if it's lost or stolen, it's her deal now. Whatever you do, don't change your rule now.

Plains Drifter 03-03-2010 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind (Post 567994)
I am sorry if this comes off as rude, but why are you suddenly caring that she is materialistic with no sense of responsibility now that she is almost 18 instead of working on this when she was younger so it did not happen?

I personally would take the Ipod away for good and that would be the end of it. You had a rule, she broke it. Done.

Long story which is, without being as rude as you, none of your business and something I don't want to air.

Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.

maura 03-03-2010 12:29 PM

I think it's important that you maintain credibility. You told her losing it would be the consequence, it's too late to debate whether or not that's the correct consequence.

You told her losing it would be the consequence of her taking it to school, she took it to schoo, she loses it. Don't second guess yourself now, just do it.

Alwaysbehind 03-03-2010 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maura (Post 568044)
I think it's important that you maintain credibility. You told her losing it would be the consequence, it's too late to debate whether or not that's the correct consequence.

You told her losing it would be the consequence of her taking it to school, she took it to schoo, she loses it. Don't second guess yourself now, just do it.

I totally agree!

mls 03-03-2010 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plains Drifter (Post 568013)
Long story which is, without being as rude as you, none of your business and something I don't want to air.

Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.

If it was none of our business, you should of e-mailed a friend instead of posting on a public board.

Sometimes the advice that ticks us off - does so because it hits too close to the truth.

She's nearly 18. Age of voting, age to be drafted to war, age declared an adult. The rest of the world sees her age - not her maturity level.

Tough love mom. You told her what the consequences would be - follow through.

RegalCharm 03-03-2010 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plains Drifter (Post 568013)
Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.


I would have a new I-pod to listen to after putting MY music on it.


And I agree with mls's reply . unless there are special circumstances that
would change my perspective of the issue

Walkamile 03-03-2010 02:03 PM

Many years ago, my mother gave me some very good advice concerning disciplining a child. " Never threaten with a punishment you are not prepared to carry out." My children learned at an early age that what I said would be carried out.

Stick to you guns Mom. To backslide now would teach her that there are no consequences or substance to your rules.


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