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HalfPass 03-08-2010 01:42 PM

Gotta rant about my Mom and her non horse support
Hey all.
I will try not for this post to be a book but can't

My father is/was a tb breeder. To sum things up he mismanged himself financially and made a mess of things for my parents retirement.
My mom is extreemly resentful about horses and anything to do with them.
SHe see's them as the destruction of her life.
You all have to understand there is a bunch of facters in her feelings about her own experience with horses.
She also has a part in their situation. She could have put her foot down and done things differently as well

That being said. Some of you know I am extreemly lucky to even be able to ride horses since I have a fusion on my neck.
So she always worries about her daughter.

She also likes to stick her nose into my finances. I am well beyond my 30's in age and there is no reason , but I am her child so I get that.

I am not married and can not have kids so my horses and my cats are my kids.

Now in light of my mare's issues and the possibility of a surgery that will cost me alot of money (which I am totally prepared to do) if I have too.

She is in no way supportive of me, or my horses. She only can say to me You cant spend your money on that kind of stuff.

I basically told her what I do with my finances is not really a concern of hers

What would have been nice is if she could just say something supportive.

Then I think how the heck could I even think she could do something of this nature when my family has been disfunctional for all my life.

Is it really to much to ask for a kind word every now and again?

If it were my child would she have such a dang cow!

I will base my decisions on what is best for my horse and go from there.

At this point I am not even sure how much the cost would be or the prognosis. I am waiting for the estimates and having another exam done today for another opinion.
You can read about the health issues in the health section.

Dont know if that link will get you there or not.

Thanks for reading my vent.
At least I know I will find support from others hear who understand.

HowClever 03-08-2010 01:49 PM

sorry to hear about your mare HP
also sorry to hear that you're having the trouble finding the support you need in a time like this. some people just don't understand that when you purchase a horse you make a commitment to him or her to do your very best to make them comfortable and happy in every way. most weeks i have no food in the cupboard and barely scrape together bill money, but nothing makes me happier then seeing my horses happy and healthy.

I suppose what I am trying to say in my little rant is, you just need to do what you want to do and what is right for your girl, and if there's people that don't support your decisions....well that's their problem right?

good luck with everything

justsambam08 03-08-2010 01:57 PM

I completely understand. I'm turning 20 this year, and my parents have chosen to blame my horse for lots of things that have nothing to do with him. He's a financial black hole, etc. Although I've been fortunate enough not to run into anything health wise with him, I do want to get him some more miles under saddle when I can't provide them, and my mother who was originally willing to pay for lessons for myself, won't put in a dime for him. I also say that my horse is my child, because point blank he does need me to provide proper care for him. Its frustrating when I'm basically supporting myself because they're busy supporting my younger sister, who also ironically has a fused neck, and so they tend to ride her about all of the things she wants to do, but "can't" (roller coasters, horseback riding, etc).

In short, I know how you feel! Jingles for her and hugs for you! All you can really do is just close your eyes, shake your head and remind yourself that you can't choose your family, and deep down somewhere you love them.

HalfPass 03-08-2010 02:35 PM

Thanks you two.
I swear I totally agree with you both.
Maybe it hits more home with my mom because there was always something with my dada and his dang horses.
And....hey haha...both mine were bred and foaled by him. So maybe there is an association there in her mind.
Doesn't matter.
I had the mare vetted before I brought her here to my sate. There was absolutely not one reason to indicate anything was wrong with her stifles.
I had xrays done of her fronts because i already knew that at one time she had a splint issue, and I wanted an xray of her knee because it was swollen and we think just banged it up while trying to jump the 5 ft fences where she was.

Long story short noe of this was apparent when the vet check was done.

Cheeze just think of how she would feel if I spent 40-60 thousand for the horse and then this came about. I actually considered it and decided I wanted Candi.

Whatever. This junk happens and it is what it is. I have totally managed to keep it together throughout the whole thing thus far and I will be Da*** if I allow my self to get my panties in a wad because she doesn't approve of what I do.

It wouldn't be the first time in my 40 years of life that I pissed her off believe me!
She'll get over it.

JustDressageIt 03-08-2010 02:39 PM

Awww HP... I'm so sorry you have to have MORE stress in your life.
My mom swore off my horse career when I was 8 and had a bad fall. She doesn't understand the horse bug, and never will.
I cannot gather my thoughts at the moment, but when I can, I will post more. You aren't alone, and while you may not have your mother's support, you have a ton of it here on the HF *hugs*

kitten_Val 03-08-2010 02:42 PM

I really feel for you, HP! My horses, cats, and dogs are my babies as well (even though they drive me crazy some time). I hope the problems with your horse are not all that bad and won't be a financial issue!

As for parents.... Parents are just parents what else can I say. You can't change them or pick up new. I'd just be more relaxed about your mom, and do what you think is right.

HalfPass 03-08-2010 02:45 PM

Thanks JDI...
It took me a while to even get the gumption to post anything about it.
I am not gonna lie! I am totally scared that Candi will end up like poor Tiny.
I totally have done everything in my human power to help him and he is always going to be off.

But, He is still my love and Candi is always gonna be my sweetness.

So I guess i am going to try and get some stupid little job mostly to make myself feel better that a check is coming in. I miss working and it will be nice to see some tiny amount come in evenif it goes right back

You know right now I feel like I have so much drive to succeed and reach my goals.

HowClever said how much it means to have the horseys in her life. Well I get that. They realy do feed my spirit and keep me grounded even when things are a bit crazy.


dressagebelle 03-08-2010 06:14 PM

I'm sorry about your mom. My mom isn't really not supportive of my riding, but she also doesn't quite understand EXACTLY how much it means to me. She would go to some of the shows when I was still showing, but like any mom, she was always nervous about how safe everything was, and my dad who did ride was just like, honey she's fine, let her live a little. Its really not as dangerous as you are making it out to be. But after all the injuries, and the massive vet bills my Thoroughbred accumulated over the 3 years that I owned her, both of my parents think that I should wait quite a while before I get a horse again. If they knew I had Saphira, they'd have a cow about whether or not I have enough money, and am I making enough, and why do I need to have a horse, ect. I had a $387 emergency vet bill last week, and my boyfriend who is helping me out, helped me pay for it, and is supporting my decisions with my horse, but my mom still doesn't know that i own a horse again.

dressagebelle 03-08-2010 06:16 PM

Just keep your head up, and keep doing what you are doing for your horse. Only you can really understand how much they mean to you, and what your life would be like without them. Let other's criticism run off your back like water on a duck so to speak. You just have to look at your horse's face when you go out to see them to know exactly how right you are to have them in your life, and care for them the best you can.

wild_spot 03-08-2010 06:37 PM

I have a few friends who have similar situations - parents who are totally dis-interested in horses and refuse to support them. My best friend is one - However we just take her everywhere with us and she keeps her horses with mine. Her mum has watched her ride maybe once a year?

My mother is totally non-horsey. She is very crafty and wishes I was too. Perhaps it frustrates your mum because horses are something you share with your dad? I often feel that my mum gets jealous of my bond with dad - He takes me to horsey things every weekend, we camp out together, etc. - While she spends her weekends doing craft which I have no interest in. She gets angry very easily and I feel part of it might be that she feels I have a better relationship with my dad because of horses. And of course I feel for her, but there is no way I will compromise MY life amd MY love of horses because it isn't something she shares.

I'm sorry about your predicament and hope things turn out ok :[

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