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-   -   Found some REALLY FUNNY short-story thingies! MUST READ! (http://www.horseforum.com/jokes-funnies/found-some-really-funny-short-story-52223/)

thunderhooves 04-09-2010 11:52 PM

Found some REALLY FUNNY short-story thingies! MUST READ!
 
So, i was browsing this website, and decided to share(FML,MLA). NOT MINE! I think some of them are starnge, some are funny, and some are a combo of the two. lol
Today, my dad found out we have no money, at all, for the next week. We've run out of toilet paper, napkins, and paper towels. Unless I want to walk two miles to the McDonald's, I have to wipe my butt with the only thing we have left: printer paper. FML

Today, I just got out of the hospital, where I was recovering because on April fools day, my mom thought it would be funny to fill the house with smoke, tell me it was on fire, causing me to jump out the window, hitting my head on a pot. I love you too mommy. FML

Today, I was stopped by a cop for speeding. After he wrote me a ticket, I started driving down the highway with him behind me and rolled down my window. The wind swept through my car and blew my ticket out the window. I was stopped by the same cop and ticketed for littering. FML

Today, I was at work. I picked up my bottle of chocolate milk and gave it a little shake like I normally do. This resulted in me throwing off the loose lid and covering myself, my computer, the desk, paperwork, the printer, the wall, and my co-workers desk in brown milk. FML

Today, I was eating a dish of ice cream at a local restaurant when I felt something strange in my mouth. At first, I thought it was just some stray plastic packaging or something. Then I realized it was a small bandage. FML

Today, some friends and I decided to have a campfire. Not thinking, I poured gas directly from a jerrycan into the pit of fire. The nozzle burst into flames in my hands. FML

Today, I was playing in a tennis match. While practicing, I managed to hit a ball over the fence and smack an old lady in the back of the head. They had to call an ambulance due to the heavy fall on her face. The tournament got delayed an hour because of me. FML

Today, I took a shower for the first time since getting sunburnt. My girlfriend thought it would be funny to flush the toilet while I was washing my hair. My eyes are still raw from washing the shampoo out, and the part where my sunburned back hit the shower wall hurts even more now. FML


Today, I went to the lake to feed the ducks. I had my phone in one hand and a chunk of bread in the other. I threw the wrong one into the lake. FML

Today, I learned that if you hang blankets outside to dry and don't check them well enough for bugs, you may wake up at 1AM with a large yellow and black spider crawling across your face. FML

Today, my sister and I were joking around about mailing letters to each other (we live in the same house.) I put a letter in the mail today for her. Unfortunately, the stamps we have are five cents short of what you need to mail a letter, so I taped a nickel to the envelope, next to the stamp. I figure that the worst case scenario is the letter is returned to sender. MLIA

Today, I became a little worried about my sheep on Farmville. I had then nicely arranged in a black white pattern. An hour later and the white are to one side and the black to the other. The same thing happened with my regular reindeer and clumsy ones. I'm afraid that Farmville animals are rascist. MLIA

Today I google mapped my own house and positioned it so that it directly faced my house. I showed the picture to my brother, and told him that I've hidden a secret camera across the street for burglary protection. He's been out there for an hour looking for it. MLIA

I read on a previous MLIA about how someone tried number 68 on the list of 333 ways to get kicked out of walmart. So today, i went to walmart ant tried #82: go up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham. the guy i asked then started to quote the entire poem. Together, we told the entire story, with me as Sam-I-Am, and him as the other guy. when we finished, we bowed to the audience and went our separate ways. new favourite store? i think so. MLIA

Today, my coach told me i run like a girl. I told him if he ran a little faster, he could too. MLIA

Today, my school celebrated 'hug a freshman' day. I was hugged 23 times. I'm a senior.

Today my mom told me a "Your mom" joke. It took her a few minutes to realize that she had just insulted herself. MLIA.

Today I walked into a washroom with automatic-flush toilets. I heard the usual "whoosh" of the toilet flush in stall close to me, and then heard someone yell "WHY DOES IT ALWAYS FLUSH BEFORE I'M DONE?!" MLIA.

Today, the power went out at my house so I went out for lunch. I came home and found my mom using my hairdryer to heat leftovers for lunch. She told me that she was hungry and the power was still out. I still wonder how she got a job as a scientist. MLIA.

When I was a freshman in high school, we were given writing prompts in English class because our teacher was out sick. I wrote a story about the ghost of JFK coming back in a tank to take on Ronald McDonald and his army of Kewpie-warlock dolls. I recently went back to visit and my teacher still has that story hanging on his wall. MLIA

Today, I went on UrbanDictionary and looked up nerd. Its definition? One whose IQ exceeds his weight. And love? Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing. MLIA.

A few days ago, some lady came to our class to talk about eating healthy and drinking fruit smoothies. Then, in a low, dramatic voice, she said that there "is this new drug, taking over the U.S. It's name............is....... HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP." She went on about how it is added to get you addicted. I raised my hand and said " I thought that what weed was for". Needless to say, she ignored my statement, and went on. Then, I almost choked when I realized my gum had fructose in it. And I had been wanting gum ever since. Oh well. I still don't like that lady, and still stand firm that gum is good. MLA
^^ my fav

Today my friend stole my scooter. As he rode away, I yelled "Curse You!" The scooter wheel immediately stuck in a crack in the sidewalk and he ended up face down on the ground. I am now a firm believer in curses. MLIA

Me and a bunch of my buddies all serve at the local Red Robin. On the reciepts each of us has our little thing we write may it be a smiley face, a simple thanks, come back soon, or have a great day. However, Brian has his own way. He simply writes "Snape kills Dumbledore." Needless to say, he gets awesome tips. I just might follow his lead. MLIA


You guys have enough?lol
Just post for more. rofl :)

thunderhooves 04-10-2010 12:01 AM

Today I was reading MLIA while my roommate was watching tv. I kept laughing out loud at the funny stories I was reading. She turned to me and said "You keep laughing at the worst times, the tv commercial just said 'If I didn't lose weight I would have died.' and you just cracked up laughing." MLIA.

Today, while writing an exam, my principal came on over the loudspeaker to make an announcement but he forgot to turn it off when he was done speaking. We listened as my principal began to sing the theme song from Spongebob Squarepants, in a pirate voice. I do believe I will be staying at this school until I graduate. MLIA.

Today, I read an MLIA about someone else who walks up their stairs on all fours even though they're 15. YES. I don't have to stop for at least two more years. MLIA

Today, I got on our school newspaper and, being bored, checked my horoscope. "Gemini (May 22-Jun. 21) You will soon be devoured by a rabid porcupine, do not fear there is no way for you to avoid it. Use organic soap to wash your shoelaces, this will help you deal with stress from work." I have restored faith in my school. MLIA.

Today, I was walking to class when all of a sudden leaves began to blow around me in the wind (like a leaf tornado). I felt like Pocahontas from the Disney movie. I'm an 18 year-old male. It. Was. AWESOME. MLIA

Today, I found out that bubblewrap was supposed to be textured wallpaper, but was a failed invention. I've been asking my mom if I could have bubblewrap wallpaper for 4 years, but she thinks it's a stupid idea. Take that, mom. MLIA.

A while ago I was on MLIA and I read a story about someone writing their own bonus question on a test. I decided to try this. Today, my teacher passed back our tests. She told me to stay after class and talk to her. She told me that she would have awarded me 5 bonus points, but I answered my own question wrong. Epic fail. MLIA

Today, I was eating fruit snacks when I got one that was pineapple shaped. I was eating smiley face fruit snacks. MLIA.

Today, while vacuuming I spotted a string. I ran over it: Nothing. After a few failed attempts I bent down, picked it up, and inspected it. I threw it back down for one more chance. Either the vacuum is cheap or the string is superior. Mlia

equine fanatic99 04-10-2010 01:30 AM

hahaha i like some of those mlia ones lol

kmdstar 04-10-2010 02:05 AM

I finished the FML jokes and I ALWAYS love them, LOL but I don't know what MLIA means so until I find out I don't wanna read em!

RedTree 04-10-2010 09:06 AM

MLIA means my life is average :)
love them lol

Tyler 04-10-2010 10:52 AM

Quote:

A while ago I was on MLIA and I read a story about someone writing their own bonus question on a test. I decided to try this. Today, my teacher passed back our tests. She told me to stay after class and talk to her. She told me that she would have awarded me 5 bonus points, but I answered my own question wrong. Epic fail. MLIA
:rofl:

ROFL!!! Thanks for sharing!

whiskeynoo 04-10-2010 03:52 PM

those are awesome i totally laughed at the pochahontas one

equiniphile 04-10-2010 04:18 PM

LOL. I looovvvvveee MLIA I'm on that site constantly lol

thunderhooves 04-10-2010 07:50 PM

I got another one!
"Today, in math class we were learning about trigonometry. Our teacher has a tendency to ask questions throughout the class period to make sure we understand, and I'm kind of quiet, so I normally whisper the answer to myself. I started to notice the guy sitting next to me will listen to hear what I say to myself, and then shout it out across class. When our teacher asked for the answer, I quietly whispered "The tampon function". Guess what was shouted across the classroom? MLIA."

Carleen 04-11-2010 05:35 PM

"Today, I went to the lake to feed the ducks. I had my phone in one hand and a chunk of bread in the other. I threw the wrong one into the lake. FML"

LOL


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