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Teresa 04-23-2010 08:45 PM

Alright...I'm faced with a dilemma. And this is what it is:

My horse recently died, and my mother and my trainer told me that I should call and let his previous owner know. I'm not so good at breaking bad news, (I tend to sound too callous, :( and I also still don't like talking about my horse's death) so I asked if someone else could do it. My mom and my trainer both both kind of mumbled and edged away when I asked.

I know why they did that. It is because my horse's previous owner was well, a little...obsessive. She did not want to let go, and for awhile after I bought him I was kind of afraid she would show up where I boarded him. I've known some people who were like her, and I knew that if I kept in contact with her she would take that as a green light to involve herself with my life. (especially since she lives only an hour away)

I do know where my mom and my trainer are coming from, and if the previous owner was more...normal...I wouldn't mind contacting her. But honestly, I'm afraid of her reaction, and I know that they are too. That is why they won't help me. I know the former owner has no right to any information regarding the horse, and that I have no obligation to provide her with any...but still. I'm naturally a nice person, so I'm very torn. What should I do? :(

ridergirl23 04-23-2010 08:50 PM

Well first off, im very very sorry to here about your horse :( thats terrible.

I would let her know. If my old horse died i would want to know, wouldnt you?
Try telling her in the most calm way you can. What can she do? she might bawl her eyes out, but i would rather cry then never know my old horse even died. Maybe she will take the news pretty well, you never know she might serprise you.

Teresa 04-23-2010 09:01 PM

Thanks. :) I'm probably going to tell her, but I still need to work up the courage to. Quite frankly, she terrifies me, and I'm not usually terrified by people. :O I'm not sure what to do if she reacts badly. I've never been good with crying people, ever. I'll probably freak out and make it worse. But if she gets angry, (which she very well may, since she is kinda the type) I'll be at even more of a loss. How do you react to that?

Keep the advice coming, it is very much appreciated. :)

ridergirl23 04-23-2010 09:07 PM

If she gets angry and starts yelling through the phone at you, or even raising her voice? hang up. Its bad enough you lost your horse, you dont have to listen to her yell at you.

If you dont mind me asking... why did your horse pass away?

ShutUpJoe 04-23-2010 09:07 PM

Could you send her an e-mail or write her a letter that way she can process the information before talking to you?

MIEventer 04-23-2010 09:10 PM

I think you need to listen to what your heart tells you.

I am terribly sorry for the loss of your horse, it is so difficult, devistating and heartbreaking thing to have to go through. I almost lost my beloved in January, and I can understand how tortureous this situation is.

The ultimate decision is yours, you have the right to either tell her, or not tell her. You could go either way. The horse no longer belonged to her. She chose to sell him, so therefore all rights to him, transferred to you and your Mother.

If I sold my horse, and he or she passed away, I probobly wouldn't want to know. I'd want to think that he/she was happy out in some pasture being loved and adored and doted on.

I know I am not that much help, and I am sorry for your loss and your situation - but I cannot make that decision for you.

I say, if your Mother and your Coach thinks that the owner should know, then they can go ahead and send the message themselves.

Teresa 04-23-2010 09:14 PM

To ridergirl: My horse died very suddenly. We took him to an equine hospital but he didn't respond to any of their treatments. It was very mysterious and even after the autopsy, no conclusive results were found. All they could say was it was kind of like when a person goes into septic shock. They did tons of tests for different bacterias and they all came back negative. :(

I'm so bad at just hanging up. I guess that would be good practice then. :)

To ShutUpJoe: I don't have her email, just the phone number. But, I may be able to find her email if I look around online. I'll try that. :)

Teresa 04-23-2010 10:04 PM

To MIEventer: I'll try to convince my mother to be the one to contact the previous owner. But it may not work, since she is afraid to as well. I inherited my cowardly behavior from her. :P

I do agree with what you said about her rights transferring to my mom and I when she sold the horse. I've always felt that way - that sometimes a clean break away is best. That way there are no messy entanglements down the road. My silly conscience keeps nagging me though.

MIEventer 04-23-2010 10:05 PM

Well, if your concious is nagging you - then there's a reason. You need to follow the path you were meant to tred, so stick with it.

AlmostThere 04-23-2010 10:25 PM

I'd make the call (If I were your Mom, I'd probably make it for you).

If you don't want to talk to her directly you could try calling when you think she might not be home (during normal working hours) and just leave the sad news on her answering machine. It's a little cowardly that way, but at least you'll get to tell her the news and you can stop worrying about it.

I'd get it over with ASAP. The longer you put it off, the more time you'll have to agonize over the encounter - at least once it's done it's over.

((((Hugs)))) So so sorry for your loss.

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