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-   -   stories i wrote ...... please beware that the sadness in some of them are high (

fuadteagan 01-26-2011 02:16 PM

stories i wrote ...... please beware that the sadness in some of them are high
i want to share some stories i wrote and i just love to hear comments:-P

I feel the trot of my horse , as to say “ don’t give up ! don’t give up ! “ I love my horse but its so hard , I look at the black stallion’s shoulder , I put my hand down and I pat his neck , my friend looks relieved “ set up the jump “ I say , I picked up a flat out canter and keep going in circles till the jump is set up “ READY ! “ yells my friend , I look at the ground , as if it were a real person , a real enemy , I stay calm and trot my horse to the jump , calmly I lift into my jumping position , I feel my horse take off and ……….. we touch the ground , connected , like were the only things in the world , I feel a exploding power and I feel my eyes close and great pain …….. I wake up , I look around , I’m surrounded by doctors and family members , and I have a wrap around my head , “what happened ?? “ I ask “ you fell off your horse “ says the doctor “ oh “ I say I look confused and lost I ask my mom how my horse is she replies “ good I think we got that covered for a day “ I turn to the doctor “ when can I go home “ he replies “ soon , just sit tight and no riding for a while “ ……. Days go by and my parents report back to me about Loco my baby , my life , my horse ………. Its time to go home , I pack up and I head home the doctor says “ no riding ! “ and my parents made sure I did not a week went by and my parents said something to me that was every horse owners nightmare “ we have to sell your horse whats the point of keeping a horse you cant ride “ and then my dad adds so meanly “its like its stealing our money “ I look at them not even stopping to think or try to hold the tears “ I HATE YOU ! “ I say bursting into tears , heading to the barn , my parents stop for a minute then follow , I grab the lead rope and clip it on Loco’s halter , I lead him out of the stall and I try to find a mounting block , with blurry eyes , I hop up , not so gracefully and before thinking , I pick up a gallop holding on for dear life , I go wherever Loco wanted to go , we went to a big field , miles from my house , I never ever missed my parents and I never thinked during the time , i had grabbed my backpack , which I had food in , before I left and we had a creek and a big field of grass , I stayed there for 1 week , I heard my parents so I ran , and finally the days became cold it was Nov. 8th and we headed home , my parents grabbed me in hugs , pushing them away , I led my horse to the stall , “ sweetie are you okay ? “ they asked “ I came back to get a coat and im leaving again “ I said “ your not going anywhere “ they said “ if loco does not then I wont “ I answered “ I don’t care about that horse of yours ! YOUR NOT LEAVING and your horse is ! END OF DISCUSSION ! “ they said I walked to the house …… two days later …… “ we sold the horse “ they said I did not answer I ran to the stable again , they caught me before getting there

i am so stuck on this story ...........:-( :oops: anyone please help me !!!!!!!!11

HopalongCassidy 01-27-2011 03:46 PM

That would kill me, nice story. Quick question. your signature.... did you know Jessica?

Whisper22 01-27-2011 04:52 PM

Good story but if I can make a simple suggestion, work on complete sentences. There are a lot of commas. I saw very few periods if any. Also, try breaking up into paragraphs, especially where there is dialog so it doesn't all run together. Other than that, keep up the good work. Writing is a great hobby to have.

fuadteagan 01-27-2011 08:23 PM

i wrote this when i was 8 so ..... yeah lol i did not know about periods yet

PintoTess 02-21-2011 04:57 AM

Nice, are you going to keep continuing?

BraveBarrelRacer 06-22-2011 01:13 AM

Honestly, why do you guys judge her grammar and spelling? I think she wants you to judge her STORY more than anything.

Its a good story. I can't think of anything right now but if I do later, I'll be sure to post again! I would like to see a continuation.

Sunny 06-22-2011 01:19 AM


Originally Posted by BraveBarrelRacer (Post 1072596)
Honestly, why do you guys judge her grammar and spelling? I think she wants you to judge her STORY more than anything.

Because it is very difficult to read a long post that just runs together.

It is also good practice for later in life to write/type properly and effectively.

You do know this was from January/February?
Posted via Mobile Device

lildonkey8 06-22-2011 10:22 AM

I like it! Please continue. Maybe you sneak out at night ride her off into the sunset with everything and live with your horse. And every night you go to your home and collect food:D
And guys, she wrote it at 8 years old

Sunny 06-22-2011 10:48 AM

Maybe so, but she didn't post it on HF at 8 years old. It is possible to go back and add correct punctuation.

Children these days(general) really, really do not understand the importance of grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Whisper gave a very polite suggestion to work on the grammar. Anyone who argues with that obviously has a skewed view of the world outside of computers.

And even though this is from the beginning of the year....
It is a cute story. I think you should continue as well.
Posted via Mobile Device

fuadteagan 06-22-2011 07:07 PM

I might.

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