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BuckskinBorn2Fly 03-08-2011 11:11 PM

New Horse Story (Please give feedback!)
I just started a new story today called Daydreams. I'm not really sure if I'm going to keep writing it though, because I'm afraid it might be confusing/ hard to follow. The story is about a girl who loves horses but has never ridden, and she just wants to at least dream about riding. So, she makes a wish to have dreams about being free with horses, and then the next morning, she goes off to ride her bike and falls into an unstoppable daydream. I was thinking that she would sort of drift in and out of daydreams (this is the confusing part) but time would pass as she did. And what happened in her dreams relates to real life (ex: her bike flew into the air, and in her dream she was about to go over a jump). Anyways, I'll stop explaining it so you can just read it (this is only the prologue):
I closed my eyes as the spring wind blew gently into my face. The leaves shuffled quietly and the sparkling grass swayed back and forth under the wheels of my deep purple bike. In my life, all I wanted was to feel and experience the freedom and spirit of a horse. Any horse would have been fine for me, but what I really wanted was to ride a wild horse. I would gently tame it, then ride it along oceans, rivers, fields, forests... everywhere I could dream of. But since it didn't seem possible that moment, I turned to my trusty bike for freedom. I started slow, gradually pushing the pure white pedals with more force to gain speed. After a minute of pushing, my bike and I seemed to soar over the rest of the world- because we were.
Suddenly, I found myself not on my bike, but gripping the mane of a bay thoroughbred horse, holding on for dear life. We were galloping full-speed down a narrow trail, heading straight for a creek! I scrambled back into the saddle as the horse came closer to the body of water. Without any time to properly take hold of the reins, I grabbed them the best I could just in time to (sort of) prepare for the jump. The horse (which turned out to be a stallion formerly used for racing) flew over the creek, throwing me off-balance in the saddle, as I had never jumped before. After landing, the stallion performed a sliding stop if front of a random tree in the middle of the path. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead, proud of myself but glad that the wild ride was over.
I slid off of the stallion's back and stepped towards his head to whisper, "Good boy," only to find that I couldn't speak. I panicked and attempted to scream, but whenever I opened my mouth, not a sound came out. I reached down to my feet to brush the dirt off of my riding boots, then realized, to my horror, I had no feet! I ran my hands all over my body (which was actually impossible, because my hands had also disappeared), but every piece of me was gone! I once again tried to cry out, but everything was silent. Not even the horse made any noise.
Suddenly, it hit me- The night before, I had wished to have dreams of being free with horses. I didn't have dreams that night, because I knew I wouldn't. I thought that wishes didn't come true. But then the next morning, while riding my bike, I had somehow slipped into a daydream about the stallion and me jumping over a creek. Well, the invisible version of me. So, the wish had come true when I least expected it. I shook myself, trying to wake up, but it was no use. I had already entered the world of an everlasting daydream. So, my friend, this is my message to you: Be careful what you wish for.

Phantomstallion 03-09-2011 12:07 PM

Cool!!! Keep going!!!

BuckskinBorn2Fly 03-10-2011 03:09 PM

Thanks! :)

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