on the track >> critique
my new poem/ short story :) please feel free to critique
On the track
The loud speakers roar among the exited crowd.
They whoop and squeal as the dazzling horses step on polished hooves onto the grass damp with the morning mist.
And here I am, waiting, hoping that everything will go smoothly, praying that everything will go as planned.
I am the youngest out of all 23 jockeys; my heart is racing fast, as if the horses are competing right inside me.
I sit on top of my mount, and he prances, letting everyone know that he is going to be a winner.
The other horses are preparing to run out of the gates so I begin to bring him in too.
The back gates close behind us as my trainer whispers some final words be strong, be confident, let the horse do the rest. And I close my eyes, letting the words sink in. I stroke the chestnuts neck gently to calm him.
BEEP!! I here the buzzers go, and then 19 horses racing full speed.
The rush… the adrenalin!!
I can feel the powerful hooves thumping onto the ground, 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4, and the strides repeat themselves over and over.
I’m close to the front now and the adrenalin rushes throughout me
We can both feel it… horse and rider… going at full speed!!
I’m closer and closer to leads position, and now I’m wedged right in between two other horses…
One horse turns in… towards me… I loose my stirrup and I can feel myself slipping… soon to be pounded with dozens of hooves… I close my eyes and prepare for the impact of the fall. I then hear the words in my head… be strong, be confident… The words give me a new rush and I know that I need to get back onto the saddle and win this race! I swing back into the saddle and try to regain my stirrup while racing at full speed. I get back into position and thank God for saving me for the fate that was so close only seconds ago.
The line is 50m now and we’re in forth.
My beautiful steed knows that this is his chance… he has to show his full power… and with that he bursts forward, foam is coming off his shoulders and I know he is determined to reach his goal before any other horse.
We past one horse, and another… it’s now neck and neck between us and the other rider… 15m now… 10m… 5m… Another burst of energy and we’re past the line!! It’s to close to call… a photo finish!! I look up on the board to see our placing, I cross all my fingers and toes, and I know that my amazing horse would be crossing his too if he had them… It takes a while for the second and first placings to be put up and I think to myself it really must have been a close call.
And they’re up… first place… IT’S ME!! I scream with joy and my horse gives a victory neigh, news reporters come all around us to take photos and ask questions. A beautifully dressed lady comes up to us and puts a blanket of roses on my steeds back. And gives me a trophy… and then we trot off to get ready for the winners circle.
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