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MacabreMikolaj 05-23-2011 09:05 PM

Severe difficulties losing weight...advice?
This is so frustrating, I'm running out of options and I am just wondering if anyone else has had these sorts of problems.

I can't lose weight. Like, my mind will NOT let me. I know they talk about willpower, and I should know, I not only quit doing hard drugs (originally to help me lose weight, which I did, and gained it all back plus some) but I've been a non-smoker for a year now. Quitting both drugs and smoking was easy as pie - I had zero issues with it, never cheated and never looked back. So why is food SO hard?

I've been depressed/bi-polar most of my life. My doctor has had me on citalopram (didn't work), venlafaxine (made me sick to my stomach), and one other one that did nothing but make me jittery. I take temazapem for sleep (anti-anxiety). I feel like the root of all this is my inability to give a **** about anything around me.

Since quitting drugs entirely in 2006, I've gained over 50 pounds. I'm now at 206 pounds and I am absolutely miserable. I hate being fat, I hate always being tired, I hate feeling worthless and worst of all I hate hate HATE what it's done to my riding ability.

I have a complete inability to turn down bad food. I don't eat a lot, but I'm addicted to greasy foods like burgers and fries. I have virtually stopped eating fast food and drinking soda, but I still eat things like fries, meat pies, Kraft dinner, tuna helper, etc. when I'm at home. I don't eat horrible, but I can't stand eating fruits and veggies in any sort of regular dose anymore.

Eating bad food makes me happy. Plain and simple. And the more I resist, the more I hate myself and CONVINCE myself the diet will start tomorrow, that this one piece of chocolate cake won't hurt. I've taken meds, I've tried diets, I've been on Weight Watchers.

Does anybody else have a borderline uncontrollable addiction to food? Combined with a violent distaste for exercise? I love being active, but I hate gyms. I've been bike riding more lately because I love it but I hate doing it alone. I spend lots of time at the barn, but we all know horseback riding just isn't enough. I sit on a computer at work all day, and if I don't go to the barn, I sit on my laptop all night. It's a vicious cycle of getting fatter and things getting so much harder. I tried a boot camp and sort of enjoyed that but kept hurting myself and I can't afford it.

I am ALWAYS exhausted, always feel drained, always feel unhappy. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry for the novel folks. I'm just at my wits end, and in tears because of it. I don't understand how anything can be so hard, how I can't just tell myself STOP EATING THAT GARBAGE and make it happen. I just don't understand how I can be so weak.

coffeeaddict 05-23-2011 09:19 PM

Eating bad food isn't always bad. If you can control your portion sizes then theoretically you should be able to eat whatever you want. What are your portions like?

Do you have a dog? They make it easy to get out and exercise. Walking the dog once a day for an hour will burn some calories and get you into a routine. I do this and I just tell myself it's because the dog needs to go out. It's not for me, it's for him, so I do it.

There are usually a bunch of ways you can get more active without actually working out. Example, I have access to a golf cart to go catch Cookie, but instead I walk out to get her and walk back up the gigantic hill to bring her in.

Little things like that will add up. Just some suggestions, I know how hard it can be to stay motivated to workout and stay on a diet. I've given up on dieting simply because all I ever want to do when I'm on one is CHEAT.

Hidalgo13 05-23-2011 09:27 PM

:( Well, if you eat really good gourmet food ( it's usually on the healthier side), you won't want to go back to the junk. When I was small I would anything. From junk to gourmet. Loved the junk, but with the years, really junky food made me nauseous because it's so full of chemicals and crap. Now I can only eat a little.

I think you should try and make the transition slow. No way you are going to change over night.
Keep eating burgers and fries, BUT, don't order out from MacDonald. Make your own. Buy lean ground meat, put some cut onions, some bread crumbs, salt, pepper, etc. Mix it and barbecue it. Try using real cheddar instead of kraft, ;) put all the toppings you want. Ketchup, mustard, tomatoes, lettuce, bacon...

Instead of buying fries, take some extra time to cut a sweet potato or potato, (cut them thinly) sprinkle some salt, pepper and herbs, dump it in the oven. Still yummy, but less fattening.
Eat chips, but eat the ones that are more natural and just have salt. Not the ones with fake cheese etc...

Try starting out like that. Eat the same foods but not the store bought processed one with chemicals. That should help. Chemicals are really what make us gain. Our kidneys cannot handle all the purifying so they send some of the crap to our liver. SO instead of breaking fat, our liver has to get rid of chemicals. AND SNACKING AT NIGHT! That's my weakness. I can starve all day, but at night, for some odd reason I NEED TO EAT! :/ But really, just not eating after 7 (even if you eat junk all day) will help you loose weight.

Eventually move on to more healthy foods. (If you eat yummy gourmet food, those veggies won't look so boring. ;)

Also, when eating vegetables, if you eat them with yummy, spicy dips, or put lots of butter and salt on your cooked vegetables, they aren't so boring. Too much butter isn't good for you either, but I think you need to start it out slow. Slowly but surely.

BUt I have a question. I hope it's not too personal. You don't need to answer, but often people eat because they are depressed about something and find comfort in food. Is that your case? If so, then well I guess the obvious answer is to try and fix that issue. If you just love food like I do, don't worry, willpower grows. Just work on it. ;) Give yourself goals! Try small things, like I will replace that bag of chips with a bag of peanuts, or almonds.

Ouf, sorry this is a lot of blabbing and I am writting this in an awkard position over my mom who is on the phone, but I really do hope things get better! Don't worry, you'll overcome this if you really want it. Takes time sometimes. You have to find what works for you, what motivates you enough. :)

*Hugs*!... I also find chewing gum helps me not snack.

MacabreMikolaj 05-23-2011 09:33 PM

I think a huge part of my problem is not being able to control my portion sizes. I can take a smaller portion, but I convince myself I'm still hungry afterwards. I don't have a "full switch", I will eat myself sick if it's something I like. I am also notorious for eating very fast, I am always done eating first.

At work is not bad, I usually have my cereal in the morning like cheerios with skim milk. I take a yogurt, a low calorie treat like rice crisipe square, and I have a sandwich and soup for lunch or else a Smart Ones frozen entree. And then when I get home, I usually eat something terrible for dinner.

Unfortunately, I don't have a great metabolism. I DON'T have the ability to eat "bad foods" and lose weight. I've lost weight before only if I stick to a strict diet of veggies, fruits, meats and grains with no greasy foods or snacks. I went to boot camp for a month, 3x a week and barely lost a pound. I think this is a huge part of my problem, where if I want to lose weight I have got to be STRICT with myself and I just can't do it, I absolutely SNAP after two weeks and get SO fed up eating only "healthy" food that I go crazy.

I don't own a dog, but Shay-la does and I could definitely start walking her after work but I'd probably ride my bike. I'm in good enough shape that I can handle more then walking, and I enjoy working up a sweat. It's just ridiculously difficult to convince myself to go out when I get home and I'm SO tired.

But thanks, I am going to try that, if a human being won't go bike riding with me it's a good excuse to take Tika!

livestoride 05-23-2011 09:33 PM

What if you used food as a reward for yourself? Example: if you bike ride for x amount of time you can eat a handful of cookies once you get back. If you eat a smaller portion at lunch and dinner you can have chips as a snack at night. That way you have smaller goals with a great reward at the end.

Also, like cofeeaddict said, watch your portions. Read that bag of chips. If it says 20 chips in a serving keep it to 20 chips. A portion of meat is the size of a deck of cards. You could also look into therapy to help you talk about your need for bad food. There are group sessions for just about everything and finding people with a similar problem might help. You could find someone to bike ride with as well.

RicochetBdragon81 05-23-2011 09:39 PM

Hey there, it is a tough thing to lose weight. I've been working on it myself. I started on April 10th and have lost 22 pounds. I eat better and I go to the's amazing what a little exercise can do! I've had a lot of support from others and that drives me! I watch my portions of food and I eat less...I do snack but I eat things that are healthier, instead of a 200 calorie Hershey bar, I eat the new Skinny Cow dreamy clusters which are 120 calories. I also don't drink soda as much...if I do..I drink diet 7up or diet sprite or there is a great product called Sweet Leaf tea. It is organic tea, that tastes wonderful! Oh yeah and drink lots of water! :) I understand your concerns about weight. You need a support system, as silly as that sounds, but it's true. It is much harder to lose weight on your own, I've been there, done that! I have a small support system...but it works. I don't think I would have lost the weight I have without them. They don't push me, or make me do things I can't do, I do things when I can. April 10th I joined Planet Fitness, I love it! I was always not into the whole gym thing..I hated gym class...but at PF I can go at my own pace, no one bothers me and I have my sister walking on the treadmill next to me telling me that I can burn those 200 calories. I'm 30 years old now and I just woke up one day telling myself that if I don't lose this weight I am going to be facing a lot of dangerous health problems. I hope this helps. Good luck on your journey!

Hidalgo13 05-23-2011 09:39 PM

Drink water in that case. Drink a lot 10 min before and a bit more after a meal. That should help a little. Don't drink during because it expands the stomach, though I do it anyways. :/

MacabreMikolaj 05-23-2011 09:40 PM


Originally Posted by Hidalgo13 (Post 1044537)

BUt I have a question. I hope it's not too personal. You don't need to answer, but often people eat because they are depressed about something and find comfort in food. Is that your case? If so, then well I guess the obvious answer is to try and fix that issue. If you just love food like I do, don't worry, willpower grows. Just work on it. ;) Give yourself goals! Try small things, like I will replace that bag of chips with a bag of peanuts, or almonds.

Thank you! Yes, I eat the worst when I'm bored and/or depressed. Hence why I don't eat on weekends, it's ridiculous - I have a TERRIBLE habit of going to the barn after drinking a cup of coffee and not eating until nighttime. But when I'm having fun, I am so involved with horses, I don't have time for food.

I swear I feel autistic sometimes. :?

I haven't eaten McDonalds in over a month, I am beyond proud of myself. I am still occasionally bad with Taco Time which I have to STOP. And yes I agree, the chemicals have got to stop, I have to stop eating frozen things. Another big problem is being so tired when I get home from work, I have zero interest in cooking a meal and I just want to eat something up quick.

Thankfully, I haven't budged from 206 pounds in well over a month. So I'm not gaining which is good. I just don't know why it's SO difficult to convince myself how much happier I will be when I give these things up. I gave up soda, and now I think Coke is DISGUSTING. I can't drink it anymore, it's just nasty. I drink Diet Sprite when I'm drinking vodka and that's it. Why can't I convince myself to do the same with a Big Mac? :?

Hidalgo13 05-23-2011 09:44 PM


I haven't eaten McDonalds in over a month, I am beyond proud of myself.
I hate coke too. I actually never liked it. I never liked any soft drinks. I hate the bubbles. I can support them now for a few sips, and it's ok and somewhat nice to have mineral water mixed with juice, but after half a cup my tongue get's irritated by the bubbles. :evil: Like very irritated.

MacabreMikolaj 05-23-2011 09:44 PM

I think the support group is REALLY difficult. My best friend is 5'10" and 135 pounds and she LIVES on pure garbage - chocolate, fast food, etc. She can eat as much as I can, and never seems to gain a pound. It's really difficult and she tries to be supportive, but it's just really hard.

My sister is the same size as me, and going through the identical set of circumstances - used to do drugs, used to smoke, has been quit since around the same time I have and has gained about 70 pounds (she was skinnier then me). We're the same weight now, I think she may actually be a few pounds heavier. She has even less motivation - she was going to a gym called CrossFit for SIX MONTHS and didn't lose a single pound. She's never been so depressed or dejected in her life. She's completely given up since then. She never gets exercise and lives on chocolate. Her husband is still a gym nut who goes to CrossFit 3x a week and it's already straining their marriage (they've only been married since October).

I think it's difficult for us to accept how much harder it is for us then the average person after completely destroying our bodies with drugs. :-(

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