How do you get over a lost horse?
I lost my lease horse Shadow over 6 months ago due to some stupid circumstances..I thought I was over her by now, but just a few weeks ago I got my VERY OWN HORSE for the first time! But I can't seem to connect with him like I did Shadow. Don't get me wrong, I adore this boy, but I just can't let go of Shadow. I poured all my effort and every ounce of strength. I spent thousands of tears, laughs, and whispered prayers with Shadow, just to have is cut short by her owner's one bad decision. How can I let go?
Sometimes you don't "get over" a loss but you merely learn to live without.
If you harbor resentment towards the owner, then you need to forgive him/her for your own good. Keep in mind that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. And sometimes people do things we disagree with. Also, you may not know all the factors that lead to the owner's decision. Sometimes we disagree yet still have to accept that a decision was made and we have to accept the position in which we have been placed as a result of that decision.
Not everything is in our control. However what IS in your control is how much energy and time you spend focusing on what you no longer have instead of actively focusing on what you DO have. Honestly it takes practice like everything else. But when you find yourself feeling sad or resentful over your loss, the best thing to do is refocus your thoughts to your new horse and what your hopes and plans are for this new guy. Keep things in perspective. There is a lot to be happy about when you have your very own horse - so keeping bringing your focus back to him.
Thank you :) I have forgiven the owner, as she has taught me most everything I know. My new horse is a yearling and sometimes I just wanna ride! lol
You've probably connected more than you realize with your new horse! Give it time, your new boy is very young and there is plenty of time to get to kn ow each other. Good luck.
It is really hard, and you don't really ever get over it, but it does become easier and less painful. I'm coming up on a year since my filly, Pia, colicked and didn't make it - the less I focus on it the better I do.
When I got my next mare after her, I was quite sure for a long time that I'd made a huge mistake in getting another horse so soon afterwards, and just didn't feel like we were bonding at all. It took a bit, and once I'd sent her to the trainer, and started seriously working with her and gaining her trust, she really blossomed. I'm happy I ended up with her after all, but there's still times when I just really wish I'd been more able to help Pia, especially right around now.
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Sometimes it is very hard to make ourselves remember that nothing ever replaces the special animals in our lives. We just have to enjoy the memories and try to make new memories with our new life experiences.
It is not fair to a new animal if we expect them to live up to what we have in our minds our past animal was.
I'm not unsympathetic, but you knew going in that this was a lease situation. It hardly qualifies as an actual loss though, since you know where she is, who she's with, and that she's alive and healthy.
Come back and talk to me about loss when you actually lose one to death. I know far too much about that type of loss.
In the meantime, stop comparing your youngster to Shadow. He deserves his own niche in your heart, not just as a replacement for somebody elses horse.
You don't get over it. You just get used to them not being there. Been there, done that, and I know how much it sucks to have a special horse disappear right out from under you. But I think Speed Racer has an excellent point. It sounds like she's still alive, so be happy about that. It could be a lot worse.
It's all in the way you see it. You should just concentrate on how lucky you are to have your own horse now. He's brand new and you can't expect to have that connection after just a couple weeks. Focus on the positive.
Edit: I just saw on her page that she did pass away. I'm terribly sorry. But you have a new love, and he is still very young and can't be expected to live up to Shadow just yet. Like I said, focus on the good things. You'll always miss Shadow, but you can't dwell on it or think about what could have been. You just have to buckle up and move on.
You don't ever really get over it. I still shed a tear on occasion when I ride past the tree that my childhood mare rests under. It's been over 20 years. All you can do is cherish the memories and move on making new ones.
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And we all experience different levels of loss at different times in our lives. It still helps to talk through it.
But you are right about the comparison. It isn't productive to compare a new horse to an old. Much like it isn't productive to compare two different circumstances of personal loss.
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