Depression; how do you cope? - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 28 Old 07-18-2013, 01:16 AM
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Originally Posted by SlideStop View Post
There is your problem right there, you have to actually BELIEVE and truly want to get better.

And ps, your family doesn't dictate who your going to become. Addiction runs in my family. My mother is an alcoholic, my father is a deadbeat who had a "drug/drinking habit", my grandparents have both more then indulged in their fair share of alcohol, my grandfather was pretty heavy into coke in the 70s and now I start seeing signs of my aunt going from "wine-o" to maybe having a little bit of a problem. I see what happens around me and how it tears people apart. That will NEVER be me and i've learned to make lemons into lemonade. While most kids grow up following their examples I was learning what NOT to do. Take your experience and use it to your advantage.
Really, do you really think that?!

Honestly, I was a pretty normal if a bit Emo kid until the depression kicked in, oh around 17. I had a ton of friends, a TON of friends, and pretty much any boyfriend I wanted. I had good grades. I went from that to extreme anxiety attacks, not graduating on time, dropping out of school etc. The difference between me and my family is that once I became an adult, I KNEW IT WASN'T normal, so I went to doctors to manage it. I still take the meds when I become unmanageable.

But to say that pretty much we can get better if we "REALLY WANT TO". Omg, really? You really think that I wouldn't love to be a popular social butterfly instead of someone who can't deal with the "social norms" without falling into a serious coma like nap afterwards? You know, it take serious work and I find little to no comfort in social gatherings, even "family" outside of the immediate. You really think all it takes is "hey, I don't want to do this anymore?!" Because I'm here to tell you right now that my life would be a thousand times easier if I could wake up one morning, snap my fingers and be a "normal girl" and accepted or at least able to overlook people looking down on my for my eccentricities.

It comes down to many many factors, some of which are genetic. SOME OF US CAN NEVER GO OFF THE MEDS. I am probably one of those people, and I resent it, and I fall off of them, the catch being I'm smart enough to know when I roll too deep into myself

Some people get better from therapy. Some people get better through meds. SOME people can get better through their spiritual beliefs. Some people find comfort in solitude or their animals. It all depends on the person.

It is most definitely not a matter of strictly "wish power" however. I, like you, saw what I didn't want to be....I don't want to be an obese, social outcast by choice, spying on the neighbors through the curtains while eating bologna because I'm too screwed up to get a job and can't won't get aid, nor do I want to be a crazy animal hoarder that goes outside smelling like cologne and cat pee.

I think that even though I suffer with depression and struggle to deal with other people, I am succeeding.

Anyway end rant, and don't take it personally, it's just that not everyone can say "I'M GOING TO BE NORMAL!" and make it so.

Originally Posted by Jareth, the Goblin King
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post #22 of 28 Old 07-18-2013, 07:44 AM
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Well I guess everyone's personal experience is different.

I'm not saying all it takes is some will power, a snap of a finger and a wrinkle of the nose to magically get better. What m
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post #23 of 28 Old 07-18-2013, 08:09 AM Thread Starter
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Thats the problem with people who have ONLY experienced that mentality of believe it will happen and it'll happen. And a main reason why this can go so long undiagnosed. Many many people don't believe the condition is what it is. And yes, family history IS a deciding factor, it is one of the questions you get asked when you decide to get treatment along with "have you had any recent traumas in the last two years?"
One of the reasons I feel so misunderstood and isolated is BECAUSE all my life people have told me to buck up. It's so hard for people to step back and think of what a dark place I could possibly be in. I've reached out for help SO MANY TIMES only for people to say "Stop being depressed" or, worse, "You're not depressed you're just having a bad day." Yes, I'm having a bad day... every day. I've had many fights with people because I can't MAKE myself trust them, or stop having a negative outlook. And just like those people don't know how I can feel these things, I don't know how not to.
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post #24 of 28 Old 07-18-2013, 08:16 AM
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Well I guess everyone's personal experience is different.

I'm not saying all it takes is some will power, a snap of a finger and a wrinkle of the nose to magically get better. More of what I'm getting at is pushing yourself, just like anyone else with chronic a chronic disease. My friend has MS and it sure as hell would be a lot easier for her to sit in the house all day and toss pills down her throat. Instead she gets up every morning and get outside and moving because she has two horses, two dogs and grandson. Despite her difficulties she pushes her limits to achieve what she can.

As for myself I remember when my depression sunk in I remember losing just about all my friends (I had a maybe two who stuck around even though I tried so hard to push them away.), all I would do is sleep, I never wanted to leave the house to do anything, I would pace my room for house, cut myself, I could lay awake in one spot for house, I was hostile towards my family. It got so bad my mother would strip me down and beat the heck out of me with a wooden spoon every few days because she didn't know how else to stop me. Well, I went into the hospital and quiet frankly I didn't care what happened to me. I still cut, I was in my room if I could be and I was still very timid. Up until that point I had been on the max dose of a couple meds with no prevail. Finally in the hospital they started me a combo therapy, which showed promising results. They eventually transferred me to a long term care facility where I just became more miserable. The conditions were substandard. Faced with the reality of living there for a year I went down hill again. A few weeks in I had a chat with my counselor about where I stand as far as treatment and discharge. I didn't like what she had to say, from then on I decided I would take therapy seriously, try to pick my self up and stop not caring, I would find more positive outlets for my anxiety instead of carving myself up, and just really work toward taking control over myself instead of being sloshing through a mud pit of emotions. I got out of there in three months, pretty much record timing since the average stay was 6 months to a year. Then that's when I found the barn I work at now. It's probably done more good for me then I've done for them. Like I said, it gave me that push to get out the door, a place to make friends with the same interests as me (which I had lost), a feeling a belonging (when I believed no one cared about me), the feeling is success (when I though I was a failure), it kept me from fall back into my old habits (laying in bed, pacing), got me exercise (the 30lbs I gained on meds came all off), boosting my self-esteem (i had none), got me away from my crazy mother. I could go on and on about how much this played a roll in keeping from becoming depressed all over again. Were their days that I would of rather laid in bed? Yup. Or day where it was SO tempting to hurt myself? Yup. But I didn't want to ever journey that road again!

Call it what you will demomwolfmoon, maybe you don't even think I was really depressed after reading my story but it worked for me. Having a positive attitude and pushing yourself can only help.
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post #25 of 28 Old 07-18-2013, 08:54 AM
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whalegirl - I think you're already seeing that you are not on your own.
I suffer with depression just as my mother did but I think I actually learnt from her mistakes and instead of allowing it to rule me I try to take charge
Agree with everyone that getting out there and doing something is by far the best way to fight it - occupy your mind with as many things as you can.
One thing I do find is to not over challenge myself and be realistic about my expectations in life - it doesn't mean that you should be an underachiever or set the bar too low - it means that you become more acceptant of your limitations and satisfied with the things you are able to do.
B12 helps me a lot - I have a deficiency and need a high daily dose or injections, if I stop taking it the difference is really noticeable.
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post #26 of 28 Old 07-18-2013, 12:10 PM
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I have a view on many subjects including this thread. With that being said my left brain keeps reminding me any and all mental health issues often are too complex for the trained professionals to get their heads around quickly.

Our mental health is not a static thing so tomorrow we and others may be a different case to understand.

It it comes to ourselves and those we are around it is hard to be objective about mental health concerns.

The 15 year old may be ADHA at that age but 20-40 years later be an undiagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic if the medical profession keeps thinking ADHA. Drug use/past drug use can really blind family, friends and even the medical professionals to one's changes in mental health. No I am not stating ADHA leads to Paranoid Schizophrenic state. I am saying doctors have to keep an open mind because people's mental health is not a static thing.

Reading the web for help is common but not without high risks if one buys into the wrong info in THEIR case. As I get older I find I have to keep more distance from some people due to the negative energy (often due to their mental health issues) they can bring. If someone knocks on your door from time to time and you find there is a full time dread of the coming NEXT time you have to ask yourself some very hard WHY questions I think.

Keep moving seems to work for many. Someone told me long ago they do not bury people that keep moving so I try to keep moving to be on the safe side. :)

Last edited by Gale Hawkins; 07-18-2013 at 12:18 PM.
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post #27 of 28 Old 07-18-2013, 05:57 PM
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Originally Posted by whalegirl View Post
I wish it were that simple, believe me. I have a very strong family history of depression. I grew up with a depressed parent, one of my aunts committed suicide when I was a kid, and I have several cousins who struggle with addiction. I know I am young and hope that I can turn this around so that when I am a mom I don't put my kids through what I went through. I sought out help and was diagnosed by a medical professional after several situations made it very clear that I need help. I'd like to think my therapist would agree with you though. I just have to learn how to recognize those clouds parting.
Again, this might as well have been written 20 years ago about me. Grew up with depressed mother, aunt was the suicide, nobody in family to really latch onto for a healthy influence. I spent more of my 20's asleep than awake. Was in a hospital once cuz I kept forgetting to eat and lost too much weight. JUST GET THROUGH IT. Find whatever little rays of sunshine you can find and cling to them. Use your therapist for support for as long as you need, but recognize you have far more power of this than you think you do. If I had not made it though my 20's, I would have never been here for my time with my horse which has been, so far the best years of my life by far.

If you still don't believe how much you can influence your own mind, try this. For the next week, every time someone says something nice or compliments you in some way, no matter how much you want to dismiss the compliment or otherwise bash yourself, just smile and say thank you. It will feel like battery acid the first few days, but them becomes easier and eventually perfectly natural. You will actually feel different by the end of the week just by doing this.
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post #28 of 28 Old 07-18-2013, 06:29 PM
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To be honest I don't even know my family history, and nor do I care to. It's just how I am.

I have been through bouts of depression and it was very hard to get out. I'm still 100% out because I recently broke up with my boyfriend and have been feeling really isolated lately. I have friends here in New Zealand but they're mainly work colleagues and all are older than I am. So I find myself on FB feeling like a ghost, looking at all the fun and adventures others are having.

So I've been there.. I never took medication for it though. I didn't really talk to too many people about it either.

What helps me is looking to the future, appreciating everything that I have. That I can walk, that I am not completely blind yet, that I have a job, that I have a few friends at work that I can grab a hot chocolate with.. that Sky is healthy and doing great, that I'm slowly learning more about computers.. just everything and anything.

I fight to find things to celebrate, and know that if I smile and think about all that I have going on for the best, it will become happiness

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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