Feeling discouraged! (Mystery injury that won't heal)
Hi! Sooo, please bear with me, because this post is pointless except as a venting tool for me. And, boy, do I need it!
I tripped seven weeks ago and fell on my knee on concrete. Nothing at all to do with horses, just, gravity won that round of our perpetual competition.
I've been wearing a thigh-to-calf knee immobilizing brace for seven weeks. I've had knee surgery and physical therapy. All of this was okay in my head, because it was temporary. Yeah, it stinks not to ride a horse for seven weeks -- ESPECIALLY because I had JUST, FINALLY been offered full-time employment on a dreamy, dreamy horse farm before I got hurt.
I'm still teaching beginner lessons from the ground (walk only - nothing complicated) and I can feed horses and fill buckets and that's about it. I can't climb aboard. I can't turn out. I can't clean stalls. I can't sidewalk in leadline lessons. I can't even lunge because turning in a circle like that makes me lose my balance with this stupid brace.
But again, all of that was okay. It was temporary.
Well, hopefully it still is, but after surgery and recovery and physical therapy, I still can't perform any motion that requires my quad. I can't lie on my back and lift my leg into the air. I can't straighten my bent leg. I can't lift the leg very high off the ground at all. My right leg has lost muscle and is noticeably skinnier than my left. I've been scheduled for another MRI and an EMG and nerve conduction study to find out whether I have nerve damage.
This may not be permanent, but it sure is dragging on. I'm getting very tempted to get on a horse. Not my own, he's rotten (God love him), but one of our two therapy-horses-in-training. I would only ride at a walk, on the lunge (and I grudgingly admit that I should clear it with my doctor first, as the last thing I want is to prolong this injury), but I'm just going CRAZY with not riding!!
As my leg heals from surgery and I get range of motion back from the stiffness of being immobile for so long, I think I could ride okay. I have lateral movement of the leg, so it would be weak, but I can squeeze with my legs. I would need someone to lift my leg over my horse and put it in the stirrup, as I can't lift it or move it forward like that. And I would probably lose my stirrup a lot, like I do on the bike at therapy. But, I mean, I didn't own a saddle for the first two years I owned a horse. I can ride without stirrups.
I'm just so discouraged. I was about to start school for my big career change, pursuing certification in therapeutic riding while working full-time on my friend's horse farm. Now I live in her guest room (because my own apartment was third-floor) and I watch people ride and I am SO glad I can get around well enough now to spend time in the barn, but I'm still so frustrated and impatient!!
I'm sorry -- nobody except my friend who owns the farm understands how I feel about this. I just needed to vent!