Frustrated and feeling sorry for myself

       The Horse Forum > The Horse Forum Community > Rider Wellness

Frustrated and feeling sorry for myself

This is a discussion on Frustrated and feeling sorry for myself within the Rider Wellness forums, part of the The Horse Forum Community category

    Like Tree23Likes

    LinkBack Thread Tools
        02-23-2014, 07:18 PM
    Frustrated and feeling sorry for myself

    I know I have posted bits and pieces of this before, but I am SOOOO frustrated. After 40 years without a horse, I purchased (stupidly, I know) a 2 year old filly. She has been a dream Ė never put a foot wrong and is gentle and willing. I had had a horribly stressful last few years Ė taking care of a mentally ill and abusive mother full time, losing our house and all of our assets through no fault of our own, my husband having a severe heart attack and major brain damage, moving cross country and going back to work at a stressful job when I was at retirement age. I NEEDED her, and I think she just about saved my life. I spent many years doing volunteer work at hospitals, and now she is my Ďtherapy horseĒ.

    One month after I purchased her, I was diagnosed with CIDP (sort of like multiple sclerosis). I couldnít walk, had trouble swallowing and breathing. I drove my Doctors crazy Ė I told them I didnít CARE if I could walk, just get me back on my horse! After a lot of treatment, I was able to walk and RIDE. GREAT!!!! Then, little things started causing trouble. I was tired all of the time, and very weak. I finally purchased a beautiful Wade saddle and LOVED it Ė I have never felt as secure and comfortable in any saddle, but I had trouble lifting it.

    Then another bad spell around Halloween. I spent several months mostly in bed while my beautiful baby just sat in the pasture. I was informed by my doctors that this is my new ĎnormalĒ. My balance is ok but my feet go the wrong direction a lot and I walk like Iím drunk. I have NO strength in my hands. The days I manage to go to the stable my hands donít have the strength to push down on the curry comb or brush to groom her. Forget about cleaning her feet or her stall. My husband and my daughter have been taking care of her. I canít saddle her on my own as I canít begin to lift the saddle and my daughter canít lift it because of a bad shoulder. My husband hates lifting it and keeps telling me I should get a lighter one, but I fell SO secure in it. I have an English saddle, as I used to ride and train jumpers, but I donít feel as secure in it with my issues. I had tried numerous other western saddles before I bought this one, and this is the only one that fit both of us. Hopefully I can rig up a pulley to put it on her. I know sheíd be fine with it, but to tell the truth, I donít even know if that will work with my hands and I would still have to drag it out of the tack room.

    Even leading her is difficult. Thank goodness sheís an angel, because I lean on her when I walk to keep my balance, and if I fall she just stands there. I HATE being dependant on anyone to do these things, but I just canít.

    I want to trail ride on my daughterís property but my husband doesnít want me going out alone, and there is no other horse he can ride. I feel safe with Nibbles and my Doberman with me, but he is probably right. I could NEVER get back on if I fell. I donít want to sell her, but Iím finding I am spending most of the time just watching her until Iím forced to leave and go back to bed. I havenít ridden her since October, although part of that has been because of the weather. My husband and daughter will ride her, but I just feel like crying. I WANT HER TO BE MY HORSE AND I WANT TO RIDE!!!

    I'm not looking for answers, really, because I don't think there are any. I just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.
    Sponsored Links
        02-23-2014, 07:54 PM
    Teen Forum Moderator
    I am so sorry <3 I can't imagine how stressful this must be for you.

    This may be a TOTAL long shot...but is there any possibility of you being able to contact a therapeutic facility in your area, and seeing if they can help you? Perhaps, if you have a way to trailer your mare, she could be taken to the center and you could pay for therapy rides with someone to watch over you (or on bad days, maybe even lead you if that wouldn't bother you too much?) I know the idea of arena riding isn't as appealing as trails, but some facilities actually even have therapy trails that you can ride on. Your mare sounds like she's made of gold, and being able to ride her would be SO good for you. What is a bigger booster than riding your horse?

    They may not be able to help you due to insurance, or maybe your mare would need to go through some certification/training for liability purposes...but its worth a try right? They'd probably even be able to help you saddle your mare, and even help you up onto her if you should ever need it. Most facilities like that absolutely love to reach out and help when they can, even if that help is unconventional.

    Either way, you're in my thoughts and prayers <3
    Corporal, natisha and SueC like this.
        02-23-2014, 08:01 PM
    Thank you so much. No, we don't have a trailer, and to tell the truth, trailering her and then riding would probably be too much for me. Really, riding is NOT the problem. I feel secure on her,my balance is good on her, and I feel good riding. Actually, riding is an accepted therapy for M.S. It is just the preparation like saddling and grooming that I have problems with. And yes, Nibbles is gold. I don't know how I was so lucky.
        02-23-2014, 08:15 PM
    Teen Forum Moderator
    Hmmm. Another brainstorm. Can you hire an instructor type person to come saddle up for you and supervise the riding/unsaddle at your home? It really doesn't even have to be an instructor- just someone comfortable around horses who can watch out for you and help you out with the saddling.
    Northernstar and SueC like this.
        02-23-2014, 08:22 PM
    Green Broke
    What a spot to be in-have the perfect horse, but the body won't co-operate. Do you have any "horsey" neighbors? Someone that could groom, saddle, & make sure you were on, & maybe ride with you? I would love someone to ride with, even if I had to prepare two horses to do it. Although I prefer not to have a dog around me. I love my dogs, but they are not trail dogs. And I've only seen two really good ones in all my decades of riding. There are just not enough people that obey the leash laws or have well-trained dogs.
        02-23-2014, 08:23 PM
    Super Moderator
    Surely there is some young girl who would trade riding time on your horse, for helping you groom and tack up? Or anotheer middle aged woman? You might really enjoy the company, too. She could walk with you for her excersize, and she could ride on her own once a week. Could be a good trade.

    I really cannot imagine how hard this must be for you . I had a friend who had MS, and she had long periods of time where she actually got better, then would get worse, but she had those good times. Maybe you can find some kind of treatment that will give you more relief and return some of your strength. I can only wish.
    ChristineNJ, waresbear and piglet like this.
        02-24-2014, 02:37 PM
    Hey, hope things work out well for you despite the bleakness presently. Some good suggestions above! I just wanted to say my thoughts are with you and all the best. God bless. And have a look at alternative treatments complementary to the medical care you are getting - nutritional ones are often good. Nerve-related things aren't fun. I've got unilateral vocal nerve paralysis (variable, sometimes good, sometimes bad but had to give up teaching), a freak thing that happened 5 years ago. I was devastated at the time but I tell you what, I've done a lot better than the specialist predicted (and I stopped going to him pretty soon after diagnosis). I couldn't speak or swallow properly at first but nowdays people who didn't know me before don't always pick there is a problem unless they spend extended time with me. I hope you get better soon (and it CAN happen, no matter what your prognosis).
        02-24-2014, 03:09 PM
    Green Broke
    I just wanted to offer my condolences. This sounds absolutely awful ): Stay strong, I really hope things work out well for you.

    Having someone come around and help out in exchange for riding time sounds like a good idea. Then your husband can rest assured you won't be alone (:
        02-24-2014, 03:40 PM
    Another one who has no helpful suggestions, just a tiny understanding of what you are going through, and the frustrations you feel. It sucks, hugely, and royally and there is **** all you can do about it, so [[[[hugs]]]

    Next.....thoughts, the would it be possibles?

    Saddling, a ramp and a platform come to mind, kind of a mounting block deluxe, or a new deck on your house or barn. Keep the saddle on the deck, no lifting involved, well only a little, a short carry from rack to horse, drop it on her back. Makes mounting easier as well.

    As to riding, some sort of alert thing, or just having your cell phone so if you do fall you can call for help.

    If you can't trail ride, would riding in an arena be a good second best.

    As I say not so many ideas, but........well my own frustrations and injuries mean that I have got used to looking for solutions to my own issues.
        02-24-2014, 04:06 PM
    A barn I worked at had their saddles hung in standing stalls. Rope pulled under the pommel, looped over the horn. Other end ran through a pulley and down to the side, where the other (looped) end hooked on a nail. Even new horses took to it well.

    Other than having someone out to assist you, what about moving your mare to a facility that would hire out assistance... There would be other horses available to enable trail company. I can't imagine a good boarding facility wouldn't work out something for a little extra $$.
    Posted via Mobile Device

    Quick Reply
    Please help keep the Horse Forum enjoyable by reporting rude posts.

    Register Now

    In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

    Already have a Horse Forum account?
    Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

    New to the Horse Forum?
    Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.

    User Name:
    Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
    Confirm Password:
    Email Address
    Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
    Email Address:


    Human Verification

    In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

    Old Thread Warning
    This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

    Thread Tools

    Similar Threads
    Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
    Getting SO frustrated with feeling judged... xlionesss Plus Sized Riders 39 11-07-2013 10:55 PM
    So frustrated! Copperhead Hoof Care 23 02-16-2013 11:27 PM
    Getting frustrated! MangoRoX87 Barrel Racing 19 09-30-2012 09:18 AM
    Who's Right? Feeling a Bit Frustrated... Corazon Lock English Riding 30 08-19-2012 11:02 AM
    frustrated snickerslove Horse Training 7 08-04-2011 06:12 PM

    All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:32 AM.

    Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
    Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
    Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0