Low confidence after accident
Sorry if this is long. I started riding at age 30. Loved it, accuired my own horses. Then I had a bad accident, spend some time in hospital. Started riding soon after I came out. Two years later had another accident, could not ride for a couple of months. Two years later I had another fall. Not serious bad quite painfull. After this I lost my confidence. My husband who is an extremely good rider started riding my horse. We then sold our horses and stopped riding for several years. My daughter started riding from the beginning of the year and soon was joined by my husband and then I started as well.
I started by riding the riding school horses. My husband then got involved with a horse with severe problems. Depression, wind sucking, kicking, bucking, difficult to catch, impossible to load etc. He could not be used by the school due to his bad track record of running off with riders, off loading every single rider ever trying to ride him. He also did not do so well with the other horses. He became a very unloved, unliked, lonely horse. I fell in love with him and started doing ground work with him.
We have formed a strong bond. He has changed so mutch that nobody can believe it's the same horse. He comes to me, no more running after him. He seldom kicks, bucks, even the wind sucking has improved to sutch an extend that he hardly does it anymore. I am able to load him. He spends lots of time just standing next to me.
The owner has some problems and can not look after him at the moment. We started to 1/2 bait him. My husband also ride, show jump, another horse. The costs were adding up and we had to decide to either stop the 1/2 bait of CC or I had to stop my riding sessions with other horses and started riding CC. Due to my confidence in riding being so low after my previous fall CC is not the best horse for me to ride. He is strong, extremely strong, spooky and has all the above mentioned bad habits.
I however could not give up on him and allow him to go back to his former self, so I agreed to start riding him. I have to be honest with everybody here, I am uncomfortable riding him. I don't want to fall again. I don't have the confidence needed to ride a horse like him. On the ground I have no problem, but on his back it's another story.
He has been a real angel, has not done anything bad, scary so far. Is very strong and pull a bit but as soon as I speak to him he calms down and I can almost enjoy a slow trot. I can't give this horse up, he needs me!! Could anybody give me advice, how do I get my confidence back so that I can be the rider he deserves. He is putting in everything he's got to be my friend and have confidence in me, on the ground I feel the same, but once on his back I start losing confidence in myself, in being able to handle him.
I believe if I can get over my fear we can be best of friends and I can be the human to show him that it is possible to love a human. He has had some bad experiences with people. I want to help him. I want to help myself.