Hey Drum, first I'll start out by offering you a large hug because it sounds like you need it badly. Second, while I can't say I understand how you feel, because I don't and can only imagine what it feels like, I would like to offer you a phrase that a friend of mine said. I don't know where she got it or if she made it up, but it has helped me a few times.
"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is all you have."
That being said, I'll offer you another hug and a suggestion. Someone already mentioned it earlier on page one I believe, but you say that meditation doesn't work for you because thoughts keep popping into your head? Try something that doesn't require thinking such as kickboxing, boxing, karate, tai-quan-do, etc. It sounds as though I'm a lot like you in how I think. I have trouble just sitting down and relaxing because I'm constantly thinking that's why I rarely sit down. I love sports and activities that involve no thought at all or very little, such as basketball, boxing, track, and horses. It's based off of instinct and your gut.
Also try a nutrtionist, I know that a person's diet affects them in more ways than most people believe, and it really could help relieve some of your symptoms. Also have you tried a journal? I know writing down your thoughts can and does help you emotionally and mentally.
And yes, please remember that we (the forum members) are here if you ever need us to listen.
"And somewhere in the northwoods darkness a creature walks upright. And the best advice you may ever get is: Don't go out at night..."