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Asperger's and Riding

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  • Hrse back riding and aspergers
  • Aspergers men "compulsive liars"

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    02-20-2013, 09:47 PM
  #21
Started
Quote:
Originally Posted by NBEventer    
You expressed yourself well and gave us all an inside look to someone with Aspies. Something not many of us would ever know as it is a hard thing to express.

I am going to slip up a bit for a minute and let something personal out(I never do this on forums, learned my lesson in a huge way on that). I have BPD, PTSD as well as anxiety and depression and also struggle with LD's, one being dyslexia. It is because of these barriers I have that I am able to do so well with children and people with LD's or other disabilities. I am able to get into their head and understand them a bit better then other people might be able to.

I think its great B.E.P that you were able to open up and talk about this to help others understand it. And I think its great that you are actually able to feel when your about to tip over the edge. You might not be able to stop it yet, but you will learn to. The biggest struggle is sensing when its coming on. Once you get that you can work on helping control how bad it plays out. Its something that has taken me a long time to learn and feel. I still struggle time to time with it as my emotions run very high and drop very quickly.
NBE - I have BPD too (diagnosed in the last fortnight), and probably comorbid bipolar II (which I was originally diagnosed with - may have been a misdiagnosis though), and I have anxiety and depression chucked in like you. The diagnosis was a pretty big shock and it took a few days for me to get over it. I was pretty open with my bipolar diagnosis but BPD (and other personality disorders) carries so much stigma that I've only told my partner and my old boss (who is also a close friend). I don't think I can trust a lot of people I know personally to stick around with a diagnosis like this, and there is a hell of a lot of horrible stuff written about people with BPD on the internet. I found it very hurtful at first but I'm learning to skip over those bits and read the more scientific entries - still get p***ed off when some professionals talk about BPD people being self-centred compulsive liars who are impossible to live with

I'm still scared, but now that I understand myself better I feel a bit calmer knowing why my emotions are all over the place, why my very worst fear is abandonment and why I perceive events differently to others (and get called a liar - very frustrating!!). I'm about to start therapy and knowing that it has a very high success rate in a relatively short period of time (a few years) is heartening. It'd be nice to know that I can be close to "normal" one day.

I find talking with young kids and elderly people who have dementia or Alzheimers a lot easier than communicating with other adults. But there are times when I just need to be by myself and work through my thoughts - and other times when I can't bear to be by myself and need to be around other people because I think they might forget about my existence and then I'd no longer exist. Probably doesn't make much sense but there it is!

BEP, I found your post really quite beautiful in its explanation. While I don't have Asperger's there are quite a few similarities with what I go through with my disorder.
     
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    02-20-2013, 11:56 PM
  #22
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilHorseOfDoom    
NBE - I have BPD too (diagnosed in the last fortnight), and probably comorbid bipolar II (which I was originally diagnosed with - may have been a misdiagnosis though), and I have anxiety and depression chucked in like you. The diagnosis was a pretty big shock and it took a few days for me to get over it. I was pretty open with my bipolar diagnosis but BPD (and other personality disorders) carries so much stigma that I've only told my partner and my old boss (who is also a close friend). I don't think I can trust a lot of people I know personally to stick around with a diagnosis like this, and there is a hell of a lot of horrible stuff written about people with BPD on the internet. I found it very hurtful at first but I'm learning to skip over those bits and read the more scientific entries - still get p***ed off when some professionals talk about BPD people being self-centred compulsive liars who are impossible to live with

I'm still scared, but now that I understand myself better I feel a bit calmer knowing why my emotions are all over the place, why my very worst fear is abandonment and why I perceive events differently to others (and get called a liar - very frustrating!!). I'm about to start therapy and knowing that it has a very high success rate in a relatively short period of time (a few years) is heartening. It'd be nice to know that I can be close to "normal" one day.

.
BPD is a heavy hit. I felt sucker punched when they diagnosed me. However I have done a lot of reading, talked to people and worked with a wonderful doctor and counselor and have come to accept it.

The stigma behind BPD is harsh. It seems every psycho out there who goes on mass killing sprees gets diagnosed BPD. One of my coworkers overheard me talking to my cousin about it and she made a back handed comment "we can't piss NBE off she might come in and shoot us all because she has BPD" needless to say I was not impressed. I took a minute and went for a walk, got my thoughts sorted and went back in and calmly spoke to my higher up and it was taken care of.

It has taken me a few years to get a firm grasp on my emotions and be able to catch myself before I tip over that edge. Its a long battle but I promise it gets easier. Actually having the diagnosis has helped me because I have been able to read about it and talk about it and relate to others with it and it was an eye opener. The hardest emotion with it is the constantly feeling like you need to fit in and you will do almost anything to please those around you or say what you feel needs to be said even though its not how you feel. Which actually ties into the fear of abandonment.

If you ever need to chat about it feel free to pm me. Also I would talk to your counselor and ask her if there are classes for BPD. We have a class here and its directed to BPD and how to live your day to day life with it and how to control your emotions and stop you from tipping off that ledge that you are constantly living on. The highs and lows and random stupid little things that make you feel like your chest is going to explode and you are going to scream bloody murder then cry because your upset that you were angry then get angry because you cried about being upset that you were angry then getting upset because.... well you get where I am going with this lol.

But being able to talk about it is a step in the right direction. And as I said you are always free to drop me a pm and talk things through. I know how your mind ticks which is a big help when dealing through this.
     
    02-21-2013, 12:34 AM
  #23
Started
Quote:
Originally Posted by NBEventer    
BPD is a heavy hit. I felt sucker punched when they diagnosed me. However I have done a lot of reading, talked to people and worked with a wonderful doctor and counselor and have come to accept it.

The stigma behind BPD is harsh. It seems every psycho out there who goes on mass killing sprees gets diagnosed BPD. One of my coworkers overheard me talking to my cousin about it and she made a back handed comment "we can't piss NBE off she might come in and shoot us all because she has BPD" needless to say I was not impressed. I took a minute and went for a walk, got my thoughts sorted and went back in and calmly spoke to my higher up and it was taken care of.

It has taken me a few years to get a firm grasp on my emotions and be able to catch myself before I tip over that edge. Its a long battle but I promise it gets easier. Actually having the diagnosis has helped me because I have been able to read about it and talk about it and relate to others with it and it was an eye opener. The hardest emotion with it is the constantly feeling like you need to fit in and you will do almost anything to please those around you or say what you feel needs to be said even though its not how you feel. Which actually ties into the fear of abandonment.

If you ever need to chat about it feel free to pm me. Also I would talk to your counselor and ask her if there are classes for BPD. We have a class here and its directed to BPD and how to live your day to day life with it and how to control your emotions and stop you from tipping off that ledge that you are constantly living on. The highs and lows and random stupid little things that make you feel like your chest is going to explode and you are going to scream bloody murder then cry because your upset that you were angry then get angry because you cried about being upset that you were angry then getting upset because.... well you get where I am going with this lol.

But being able to talk about it is a step in the right direction. And as I said you are always free to drop me a pm and talk things through. I know how your mind ticks which is a big help when dealing through this.
Thanks NBE! It was indeed a real sucker punch - especially when I found out that "borderline" didn't mean it was only half a disorder... For me the hardest thing has been realising that most of my behaviour (no matter how "minor") is part of the disorder and my doctor saying it wasn't just something that could be removed because it's an integral part of who I am. For a few days that made me feel like a bad person and not worthy of existence - and of course my negative reaction to what he said comes from having BPD in the first place! But reading up on it has really helped and I've started to recognise some behaviour before it gets into full swing.

Thanks, I will PM you!
     
    02-21-2013, 01:24 AM
  #24
Trained
Evil, thank you! I like words... they are one of my passions. Perhaps one day I'll write a horse book that is, you know, actually realistic. No 'majikal bond' here!

Right now I'm working on a fanfiction novel based on the Halo universe [I doubt anyone doesn't know what Halo is, but if I'm wrong, it's a game franchise... the only Halo game my family doesn't own is Halo 2 and I'm pretty sure we have a copy of every book that's been released on the franchise as well] and, right now, today, halfway through the plotline I've thought up, I have 23 1/2 chapters and a total of over 61,500 words. Oops... a bit TOO wordy methinks!

Aaaanyway, the point of telling you that is to emphasize the Aspie trait to have a really one-track mind, and to glom onto an idea or project and just not let it go! I started my "book" in November 2012 and 3 months later... yeah... that's the insane level of fixation I'm capable of!
EvilHorseOfDoom likes this.
     
    02-21-2013, 03:25 AM
  #25
Weanling
I too have Asperger's - only mildly, but with some of the same traits as described: a need for clear, precise, literal instructions; perfectionism which can result in me getting very upset and teary when I can't get things right; and a real dislike for changes to my routine, which can make me anxious. When being pushed out of my comfort zone, I can be very anxious, but my instructor has a way of challenging me to try things that works well for encouraging me to be determined rather than focusing on fear. My balance can sometimes be a bit off as well, which made me very nervous about jumping for a long time. However I'm very lucky - my balance has improved a lot, and the more I've done with horses the more confident and easier to work with I've become. However, I'm still picky about my instructors, and often need someone to give me a pep talk before competing!
     
    02-21-2013, 03:38 AM
  #26
Super Moderator
Just came across one of the hardest things for an aspie and an aspies' dislike for change in routine. I have to move barns! Argh! I really have to, the situation in the current one is not beneficial for me or my horse in long-term, but I'm anxious, frustrated and nervous to no end, and fighting back obsessive thoughts like "you should stay, it could be worse in the other place" or "maybe everything will get better, you just wait and see!". So I've made a list with pros and cons of both places and looking all the time at the pros of the other barn I'm most likely moving to, which hugely overthrow the count of pros of my current barn. Making charts, lists and writing argumented essays and thesis greatly help in such times when a hard decision has to be taken, but those unnecessary fears and dislikes can step in the way.

I also really want to start competing this summer, but I'm afraid to step into the jumping ring and be a mess, so I've talked a friend into competing along with me in the same class, so that there is someone to encourage me and not to let me run away from what I want to do.
     
    02-25-2013, 11:22 PM
  #27
Weanling
Actually, that's not wordy at all. Novelists on deadline usually have to write about 80,000 words in four months, with a month or two for revision time before a six month deadline kicks in.

And writing fan fiction is a great way to learn the ins and outs of writing genre fiction. :)
     
    02-26-2013, 03:33 AM
  #28
Trained
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chessie    
Actually, that's not wordy at all. Novelists on deadline usually have to write about 80,000 words in four months, with a month or two for revision time before a six month deadline kicks in.

And writing fan fiction is a great way to learn the ins and outs of writing genre fiction. :)
Only halfway through the story, though?! -hides-

I could quite easily write 120k+ words on this one, and actually, if things keep going in the direction they're going, that guesstimate could possibly double. I have a massive amount of planned content to cover and my main character over-thinks EVERYTHING, which makes things a lot wordier than they really need to be... but it does explain a lot of the decisions he makes which don't necessarily make sense without the crazy amounts of thought.

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that publishers don't like taking risks on debut novels so they don't tend to want to publish something more than about 50,000 words long? I'm never going to be able to condense a story down that far. I don't have just one plot, ever. I have 6 different sub-plots going in this particular fanfiction at any given time, and each mission my Spartans are sent on addresses a different aspect of the team dynamic and how they work together. I'm going to have my main leader-character get injured again very soon and explore the difference it makes to the team not to have him on missions with them, but first, I need to give the two who are currently injured a little bit of time to recover... and get the guys all back together again and on the warship they're stationed on.

Fanfiction is fun but I really do need to get started on my own concepts at some stage. I'm working on a world at the moment but I'm not 100% sure how the concepts are going to mesh with an original storyline... perhaps I'll write something set in the real world about Aspergers and riding at some stage... I mean if I'm writing from experience how can I go wrong, right?
     
    02-26-2013, 06:15 PM
  #29
Weanling
Well, use the fan fiction to learn how to handle these things. Your debut novel doesn't have to be shorter. Mine for YA is about 90K.

Take your next fan fiction project and give yourself a limited word count. I give myself 30 chapters of 12 pages each, and shoot for that in each chapter. Try to plot out how to get the whole story in within that constraint, and practice your story arcs.

When you're ready to try your own writing, you'll know. In the mean time, fan fiction is a wonderful tool for learning how to "hone your craft".

And I think a book about the bond between a horse and a girl with Aspergers would be really marketable right now.
     
    02-27-2013, 05:10 AM
  #30
Trained
That's what I've been doing - I'm using the universe that Bungie/Microsoft created and inserting a few of my own concepts, strong characters, and my own storyline. I'm also playing with a world at the moment where humans and horses don't exist - instead we have Fey and Flash - and how the existence of magic makes that world different to ours. It's far more dangerous, and life is no easier, because magic is sourced from light and the Fey can't store light... nor can Flash, barring the rare individuals whose special markings act like prisms.

I might stick what I have so far on my world up in the stories/poems section... I think I've hijacked this thread long enough!
     

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