thank you every one who answered
i did so much better this week , i was on a different horse who has a similar personality to the mare and i also struggle with him for the same reasons.
i was thinking the whole warm up 'get him listening to you, sit bolt up right , dont lean back, suck your tummy in, back him up etc...' basically everyones advice!
i was doing lots AND lots of transitions to get him listening and trying to keep the ques subtle so he had to listen to me harder, when he didn't respond from a slight nudge i put more effort into it, if he didn't respond still i backed him up a couple of steps and if he still didn't respond the way i asked him when he was allowed forward, he got a sharp tap on his bottom! Do you think this is good thing to do?
and after a couple of repeats of this, he didn't need the tap, and after more repeats he didnt even need to be backed because i think he realised it was easier to listen the first time and he went off slight nudges, i was amazed, he was listening (he was actually harder to stop than go!) im still not perfect at it but it was alot better than before!
we were also jumping on a circle so would be harder for him to to stay forward but he maintained a steady,bouncy canter with impulsion all the way round i was so proud i felt like crying i still have lots to work on though!
he doing flying changes over the jumps, haha naughty boy (i think he was showing off) and i had to keep changing him back in between the jumps and my instructor said the first time it was my fault but the rest i had good bend and was planning ahead and he was still changing lol i was like as long as you don't lose your balance or stop i don't mind thats not the focus of this lesson, ill work on that next lesson.
Ill try this technique on the mare when i next ride her and will keep you posted on if it works for her, i really hope it does