Depression and feeling worthless. :( - Page 6 - The Horse Forum
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post #51 of 122 Old 02-21-2018, 08:53 AM Thread Starter
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Thought i'd update, still having a lot of issues with meds causing extreme tiredness light headed being foggy minded. Struggled to get my password on here changed. Finally got it done with help from my 13 year old. I just couldn't do it what was simple, seemed very difficult to me. I'm plugging along slowly trying to be the mom i was before depression.
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post #52 of 122 Old 02-21-2018, 11:13 AM
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Good to see an update here. I'm sorry it's still not going awesome. Keep going and keep updating, darlin'
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Hold on to what makes you happy! If it tries to buck you off, just hold on even tighter!
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post #53 of 122 Old 02-22-2018, 05:57 AM
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Yes, glad for the update. Everyday's a blessing. You're going to beat this.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
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post #54 of 122 Old 02-26-2018, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Figured i'd update. Still in that state of fog lightheaded and just so tired. But i push through it daily because i need to get stuff done,my kids need their mom. Takes me longer to get things done, but i do finally accomplish doing laundry,dishes, cleaning house and taking care of the horse's. Then doing stuff with kids once they get home. Making dinner and helping kids with homework, which i hadn't done for some time now.

Going to be a really nice day high of 41 degrees so when the kids get home we plan on riding horse's. Hopefully this week meds can be lowered in dosage. Will be finding out at weds appointment.
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post #55 of 122 Old 02-26-2018, 02:33 PM
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Remember to find some time to treat yourself to something you like. It can be something as simple as watching some Netflix movie that only YOU would like. Or, insisting on going out to dinner. Or, a hot bath, or something sweet that is not shared.

when your kids are small enough to need so much of your focus, it can feel as is that's ALL you are meant for; other people's needs. And, then you get into the place where you realize how you NEVER get things all done, and how inadequate one can start to feel.


A teacher recently told me that I have a very negative 'internal voice', and I am so hard on myself. She said, when the internal voice is talking about itself (about you), ask yourself three questions about each negative statement . . . 1. Is it true? really true? or is it hyperbole? 2. Is it kind? or is it meanspirited, meant to hurt someone? 3. Is it helpful? Is saying that going to affect any change for the better?

Just answering the last two is enough for me, as I don't want to get into self argument over whether or not some internal comment is true or not.
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post #56 of 122 Old 02-26-2018, 04:31 PM
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One day at a time Rambo.....live in the moment....

Glad you've updated.....I've been a bit worried about you.

I'm also glad today is better....hopefully tomorrow will even be better.....

Hang in there...
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For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
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post #57 of 122 Old 02-26-2018, 06:10 PM
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@rambo99 , At this point it's been several weeks - you shouldn't still be having the initial issues and should be feeling some relief. Usually most anti-depressant pills have kind of a euphoria period at the beginning which slowly edges down. I think the medication you are on may not be right for you if it's causing this much disruption to your life.

Remember that it's not supposed to drug you into a stupor, it's supposed to help you live a more normal life. The fact that your children notice that you are not yourself is most telling to me.

Can you call on a friend, family member, or understanding person in your life who can be an advocate for you if you need it? It might help to have them help you record what you are experiencing on a daily basis, even if they just text you and say "How are you feeling?". You might also consider copy/pasting your comments here (along with dates) to a Word document that you can take with you to your doctor.

Hang in there. I've been down this road several times, it can be bumpy but it's worth it in the end.
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post #58 of 122 Old 02-26-2018, 06:21 PM
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I really like that you're updating. Please do! I read this thread everyday to see.

How are you today? (timezones get me mixed up. I'm ahead of you right?)

I wanted to add that, as you know many of us have been through something horrific and don't get the support we need, let alone deserve. It was only when I started working as a nurse (training still) how I truly began able to forgive myself for my DAILY FAILURES when I was at my lowest. I worked on a maternity ward and SO many mothers, raging with hormones, would be utterly crippled with the struggle of breastfeeding. It seemed stupid to me, an outsider, that they would get so upset. It's NOT A BIG DEAL. It really isn't. Sometimes their body just isn't up to the task and we have so many ways to get around it. But noooooooooooooo. It was the end of the world.

Then I realised every single day that I failed to complete the most minor of tasks, like getting out of bed, I'd also feel just as helpless and it would feel like the end of the world and the word "end" just stuck in my head. You know what I mean. The battle to complete ANY task was just too much and finally I treated myself like a patient. I took a deep breath and said "you know what? It's OK that I failed X today. There is always tomorrow." I started feeling happier that at least when I wake up next time I had another chance. And rambo99 you have many chances ahead of you. Take as many attempts as you need. I don't have kids but I have too many animals - during my darkest times I remember crawling on the floor and pouring water into their bowls, struggling to find the energy to syringe feed a special reptile or clip a birds beak. I don't know how I did it. Rambo99 you are still looking after your kids. You are still THERE. It is MORE than enough for them - believe me. Be proud that you have energy and support enough to ensure your kids are looked after. It is a lot more consideration than some ever receive. It is enough. It is ok. You can stay in bed and take 5 hours to get up. It's OK. As long as you are trying - even if it's just trying in your mind it is enough for that day. Just keep trying but don't beat yourself up if you fail the "doing" part. But reading your more recent posts you've been doing way way way more than the bare minimum so huge huge props to you. You should celebrate your courage!

My uncle, who I mentioned before, was on strong medication for a long time to suppress the voices in his head following years of hard heroin abuse. He too, wondered it life was worth living in the fog. In fact, he would be so emotionally suppressed that he would drool and forget to use to loo. It bothered him so much that his intimate life was suffering for it as well. He didn't feel like a proper person, much less a man. It is a serious balancing act, anti-depressants. It also takes months to see if there are any results or side effects. If you can set yourself one goal it is to take them at the same time every day - THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT.

It often feels like under the fog there is a monster. But under it, there is also hope. You might feel like maybe you're better off without the anti-depressants and it's claustrophobic ways. If you really see no improvement I would really, REALLY push to get a second opinion Rambo. Hopefully a lowered dosage will help. Just enough, not too much.

I want to say look on the bright side, be happy. But that's cliche. Just get through the day - there's going to be another! <3
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post #59 of 122 Old 02-26-2018, 06:27 PM
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post #60 of 122 Old 02-26-2018, 07:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rambo99 View Post
Struggled to get my password on here changed. Finally got it done with help from my 13 year old. I just couldn't do it what was simple, seemed very difficult to me.
I don't know that this has anything to do with your depression as much as it has to do with technology being a massive PITA. I often find myself asking the neighbor's kid for help with "simple" technology things (yeah - simple to her!).

You got it done - that is the important thing. Give yourself credit. Small steps not giant leaps.


There is no joy equal to that found on the back of a horse.
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