Long post ahead, you have been warned...
First of all, thank you for all the responses. I have friends and family to talk to but I feel they are all biased to some extent, so I really needed some fresh views. I have a few questions from people to address.
If you are in a relationship that is deteriorating and bordering becoming abusive....why?
Because, (and I know this is the lamest of excuses) I love him. I was friends with him when his first marriage broke down and saw how that affected him; I don't wish to put anyone through that kind of pain.
Why would you stay and allow such treatment from someone who "loves" you?
I....I don't know.
If this was the other way would you really be OK that your spouse or fiance is not finding you enough for them but is out finding pleasure and support, physical and emotional, in the arms of another....
No. I wouldn't. And that was heckin' hard to admit.
I wonder if there are something wrong with your man, which he then "unloads" by being disrespectful toward you? If so, he needs help + new coping strategies as well and the thing could work out if he received help for his own situation first.
This actually brings up something I left out in the original post - he doesn't want to help himself. He was seeing a therapist for a while but stopped due to costs. He is full-time employed so he is not eligible for reduced cost, despite the fact we live paycheck to paycheck. But the important part is that he makes excuses as to why he won't help himself.
This guy is being made out to be some sort of abuser. And If I missed something in the original post, correct me. But I didn't see where he had a side piece. Or that the OP met him in some sort of open relationship setting.
This is my bad for leaving out an important detail. When we got together, we agreed to be polyamorous. We agreed monogamy wasn't for us. He has had a few side ladies over the years that didn't stick around for various reasons.
I guess, to finish up this post, I am scared that leaving is the right thing to do. I am scared of the hurt it will cause and the loss of the benefits of our relationship (I lost my job so he is supporting me financially). When we talked last night, I went from "I want OUT of this", to "Aww I love him, I do wanna get married" and now I've woken up this morning, I truly do not know if I want to.
Eventual breeder of fine horses