Excuse me for being naughty, but... the thread title reminds me of an "alternative version" of that Christmas Carol that lurks in the Australian culture - does it also lurk in yours?
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny gun
And if you ever saw him
You would turn around and run
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
So Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
(shot them, with very naughty references to their brains which it is uncouth to repeat)
We also have an alternative version of our Waltzing Matilda, but it is too rude to post. Nevertheless, it is often heard when people are made to sing it on a public occasion...
SueC is time travelling.