Silly Problem - The Horse Forum
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  • 5 Post By horselovinguy
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post #1 of 6 Old 08-03-2020, 09:38 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Aug 2020
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Silly Problem

but it's been bothering me for weeks, so I thought i'd see what other horse people think. I have a very good friend who boarded her horse with me till last fall when her mare had to be put down. She was always a little afraid of her horse and though she always meant to ride, she usually didn't. I have another friend I frequently ride with, and we often trailer different places, using her trailer, for trail riding on the weekends. My friend is getting a new horse that she will again board with me. I think she'll ride this one more often than the last one, but she is still likely to be a timid rider. The problem is, I love getting out on weekends for the away rides. I don't want to be a bad friend but I feel like I might be expected to stay home and take quiet, short rides with my timid friend and her new horse instead of joining my other friend for rides that are a lot more fun. My friend couldn't join us even if she wanted to, unless she buys a trailer as well as a horse. While I'm looking forward to a new horse in the pasture I'm also kind of dreading it, like it will be the end of all my great adventures, and since I work I only have weekends to ride. Help!
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post #2 of 6 Old 08-03-2020, 10:05 PM
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Welcome to the Forum...


You have quite the dilemma...
I think if you are upfront and honest with your friend you will have a better relationship than you think.
Your friend is looking to board her horse with yours at your home but that does not mean you can not ride with others, be friends with others and enjoy someone else's company and advanced riding you get to do with them.
You will still ride with this friend but there are times you just want to ride other places trailering off to offers and a more challenging ride situation than you get home.
There is no shame in that...
The shame would be feeling resentful that you can not go and do...
I'm sure you don't go trailering away every-time you ride so why can't you ride with both friends..
You might be surprised that the friend getting the new horse might not be so timid with the right mount to ride and you might be the one left behind occasionally...
More the situation might be to ask the friend you go off with to sometimes ride a bit slower pace to include the other friend and all ride together.
Till you are able to trailer all the horses, the riders are of similar riding capability then someone either rides down in ability or someone stays behind so the others can do more as they are able.
But, I would make it clear that you will be going riding with others sometimes and be on their trailer and it is not your decision who is invited and there is limited space...
Sometimes you just might choose to ride solo, all on your own and that is OK and allowed too...you don't always want company but to do just as you wish on your own...
Talk to your friend and listen to what she has to say...it can and will all work out if you are honest with each other.

...

The worst day is instantly better when shared with my horse.....
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post #3 of 6 Old 08-04-2020, 02:15 PM
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I would just divide my time - maybe ride the area locally during the week and do your hauling out on the weekends.

You shouldn't have to feel like you must stay home and your friend should understand that. If you are really worried about it, maybe just pick a couple weekends that you stay home? I do that right now - I try to haul out every 2nd weekend if I can.
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post #4 of 6 Old 08-04-2020, 02:35 PM
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First, if you're boarding it's a business arrangement and extends only to boarding. You need to make that clear before she brings a new horse to you.

Second, you are only going to ride with her IF your schedule and prior commitments allows it. Make that clear right up front too.

I board horses for people and some are friends, some become friends and some stay business only. I rarely ride with the friends who board with me for the simple reason that I show a lot. I'm not usually available to go riding out on trail on the weekends (much as I know I would enjoy doing it) because of my show and training schedule. Everyone understands and there's no bad feelings. If I am available, I load up and go with them or go off with another friend or just stay home and relax, depending on what I want to do. There is no obligation to go riding with anyone, this is supposed to be fun. If it stops being fun, then you have to find something that is. I'm not going to allow anyone to take my fun out of my riding and showing and trailing and whatever I feel like doing.
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post #5 of 6 Old 08-04-2020, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks to all of you for your advice and perspectives. I suppose I feel guilty because this is a very close friend and we have ridden together in the past but this year I have the opportunity to trailer out and so it feels problematic suddenly. But it's true we won't be trailering every available riding day and I can still get out with her at least once most weekends. I appreciate the reminder that it's not my responsibility to take care of her - I just have to be kind, the way I would want anyone to be to me. I certainly don't expect my friends to stay home if there are opportunities for them that I can't share. Ah well, thanks again, it's really helpful to hash this through with other brains. Happy trails!
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post #6 of 6 Old 08-04-2020, 07:19 PM
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I agree with C Bar. Maybe once a week or so your boarding friend and you can take some smalls rides around the area. Or maybe help her with acclimating the new horse by riding on the property. You can still ride with the other friend. Just let her know that it isn't that she's not invited, there's just no room in the trailer. I'm gathering that the other friend has a two horse trailer.

Where I board at, I have become friends with the B/O and her husband. She goes to shows and sometimes trailers to the arena or where ever else they go. I don't get bent out of shape that she goes without me. But also, if I wanted to go I could most times as i have my own trailer.

I think that the biggest thing is that she knows that you are not forgetting about her, it's just circumstances. Who knows, maybe if she really starts liking riding more than before, it will entice her to get a trailer so she can go.
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