When your world is turned upside down
I feel weird posting this here, but I can't find a better forum. Or won't. Or just don't relate to cancer forums. Yet.
My 15 year old was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma two weeks ago. We have spent the last two weeks going back and forth at the nearest competent hospital which is 5 hours away. You horse people will appreciate what that means. Having to find someone to look after the horses...
When we got the diagnosis, on Monday, December 10th, he was admitted to a hospital 30 minutes away. He was almost immediately transferred to a more specialized hospital 5 hours away, December 11th. I literally came home, threw a bunch of clothes in a suitcase, wrote very quick, simplified instructions about horse feedings, and drove away terrified. My daughter and very non-horsey parents had to take over for the next few days.
We spent the first week in the hospital where I slept in his room. I actually never left the hospital. We got to come home on the weekend, and I was dying to just be with my horses. My stress levels just drop the minute I walk into the barn. The next week, my husband went with him. Everyone is home for the holidays now, but his chemo treatments start next week. I don't want to think about it, but I think about nothing else. He is my first born.
I spend my days frantically trying to shop, keep my daughter's life normal, make sure my son is taking all his meds, planning for the next few months when I really have no idea what to plan for because my worst fear has just been realized, and I have no way to change it.
Ignore this post. I just needed to write it down somewhere.