Other people handling my horse - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 01-27-2020, 07:02 PM Thread Starter
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Other people handling my horse

I just want to preface this by saying I intend to leave this situation asap, but it might take the better part of the month before I actually find a place to go due to the lack of boarding places in the area.

The lady I got my horse from likes to come visit him from time to time which I've always been fine with, all she does is pat him over the fence and throw a few carrots at him. No problem right?

Well she made in impromptu visit to the barn and caught another boarder with my horse out, tied and groomed. Not only that, but said boarder yelled at her for coming to see her old horse unannounced! I have no idea what he planned on doing with my horse, nor do I really care.

I was livid for a multitude of reasons, (my horse doesn't tie well, this boarder thinks he's gods gift to horse training despite ruining every horse he touches, and he didn't have my permission!) and I've got a few numbers for local barns, but I do have to navigate this situation in the meantime.

I intend to go to the BO when I'm over there next and ask if she knew about this boarder messing with my horse, but she's an honest lady and I highly doubt she'd knowingly allow this. I also know that she won't kick him out, but maybe she can at least talk to them.

My options are to play dumb and let the BO deal with this mess until I can get my horse moved, or confront this boarder and risk retaliation while I'm still boarding here. I'm leaning towards the former.

I do feel bad for my BO in this situation. She boards to only me and this other guy as a favour. It's her private farm and she doesn't need drama, but I can't allow this man who has no idea what he's doing attempt to handle my horse. My horse has already become noticeably worse to lead, I had no idea why he's suddenly lost his manners until now.
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post #2 of 12 Old 01-27-2020, 07:18 PM
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I am not a confrontational person. That's an understatement. I actively avoid confrontation wherever possible, and sometimes even where it's not possible.

Having said that, I think you need to talk to this guy. It sounds like you've already had some interactions with him, but if it were me I'd start low-key, like "I heard you were working with my horse the other day." Just like that. And see what he says. Hopefully he would say something like, "Yes, your horse needs to work on XYZ so I thought I would help." At that point you would say, "I appreciate your help [even though you don't, of course] but I want to make it clear that I don't want you interacting with my horse without my express permission. And I haven't given you permission." And then leave it at that.

I guess I would notify the BO first, just to let her know what's going on. If she says "I'll deal with it," then great. If not, at least she knows what's going on.

I'm a pretty low-key person, but I would be absolutely LIVID, and I mean spitting mad, if this happened to me.

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post #3 of 12 Old 01-27-2020, 10:15 PM
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Call the B/O and tell her what happened.
Ask her if she wants to deal with it or you will...then do use her answer as your guide.

In the meantime, if he is silly enough to raise the topic, I would not avoid him nor the subject, but make sure he knows you know he had your horse out and was messing with him regardless of what he was doing, he should not of been, period.
Jut state the fact he doesn't have your permission to handle your horse, never did and never will...hands off.
As of now, the B/O has been advised of your wishes.
Being spoken to by the B/O may be enough to stop whatever he has been doing.
Or it may not...

You've lost faith and trust though in the facility for safeguarding your horse so it is time for you to go, leave and find another barn ASAP.
Once trust is lost, you look at everything with crossed eyes and mistrust...
Find that new place sooner, like maybe by end of the week and start the new month in a new barn.
You don't need the grief nor high blood pressure from stress this is already plaguing you with.
Or, if the B/O really steps up and tells him to get out...my faith in the B/O and facility would be balanced again since B/O stepped up and removed the problem...
If he stays you go...if he goes you stay.
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post #4 of 12 Old 01-28-2020, 01:32 AM
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Originally Posted by ACinATX View Post
I'm a pretty low-key person, but I would be absolutely LIVID, and I mean spitting mad, if this happened to me.
^^ Same. The word "livid" crossed my mind as well. I let just about anyone handle and ride my horse because she's a very good girl and I'm a pretty chill person, but it needs to be with my permission. My blood pressure is rising just reading this post, and I feel very bad for @Ratlady for having to deal with this and being stuck in this situation for a while.

Even if the BO gets involved and says they'll take care of it, I would absolutely be confronting this guy ASAP. It is your horse, after all, and his hands on your horse. The BO absolutely needs to know what is going on, but I would not be relying on them alone to take care of it.
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post #5 of 12 Old 01-28-2020, 02:56 AM
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This is awkward because if the person is mentally unstable you want to make sure that your horse is safe. You will soon be making arrangements. I would write a letter AND email it to both the BO and boarder - in this letter you will explicitly state that only XYZ people can handle your horse. Anyone found handling your horse that does not have your permission should expect the authorities to be involved. Handling involves (to be specific) haltering, leading, grooming, riding, training etc... All your property is to only be used by those with permission. If there is an emergency the BO/vets should be contacted immediately (include details but NOT yours in case you get harassed). And a little reminder about how you hope that said person has insurance if any injury is found to happen to the horse under their care because you will not hesitate to take action against them. Lastly... you take no responsibility for any injury caused to property or person if it is found that these incidents occurred when the boarder is illegally handling your horse. Also inform them that you will making an informal complaint with the police to follow up if any future issues arise.

Give a copy to your BO to the boarder and one for yourself. Log that complaint. Keep it calm, keep it factual. You wish for safety and personal reasons that your horse not be handled by ANYONE other than those that have express permission and that you sincerely hope that the issue ends here. No need to placate anyone simply "this is how it is". I have been told that I go over the top but frankly the moment someone does something like this boarder... I got no patience. It would be the first AND last straw. One thing to compromise another to put up with this kind of entitlement. Poor BO. Poor you and horse.
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post #6 of 12 Old 01-28-2020, 02:57 AM
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I would immediately confront this guy and tell him to leave off touching your horse AND I would make him call the old owner and apologise for being rude to them.

I would also tell the BO
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post #7 of 12 Old 01-28-2020, 08:53 AM
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I was in a barn that had unfriendly people. They were fighting among themselves and doing things to each others horses and tack, one guy cut another ladies horses forelock and then she put a clip on wig on her horse, then she put a padlock on the gate so he couldn't get his horse out to ride. Well I wasn't part of any of the shenanigans but when I came over and couldn't get my horse out because the paddock was padlocked, I found a barn and was out of there. I was only 18 at the time and not very good at confrontation so I wrote a long note to the barn owner and thanked him for caring for my horse and the use of his property ect. But told him I couldn't handle the environment. He was furious and made them all apologize to me but by then the damage was done and I had moved on to a nicer facility. It was way more money but so much better for me and my horse.

How you handle it is up to you. You can avoid the super trainer gifted trainer dude all together and go straight to the BO. That is what I would do and I would expect the BO to handle it. But now you will worry about your horse 24/7 so I think you really do have to move.

Good luck.
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post #8 of 12 Old 01-28-2020, 10:11 AM
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Take his horse out and feed it carrots straight from your back pocket...
Or let it into the arena and put carrots by the gate...lots of carrots...
Smear honey on the bottom of his stirrups and let the horse lick to it's heart content... reapply a thin layer and put them back in the tack room...for when he rides the next time...

Sorry, I know it isn't a funny situation but my mind just ran off with it.

I wouldn't actually do any of these, see posters above for plenty of non-childish ways of approaching it.
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post #9 of 12 Old 01-28-2020, 10:25 AM
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I think you should contact the BO and tell her what happened. Be kind and open minded. Let her know that you appreciate that she has been doing you a favor by letting you board there but you are afraid of the liability of having someone else handle your horse - that liability includes her as well. Ask that she post signs or send a written note to this person that handling others horses is not allowed.

In the mean time I would also go to that person and state that the old owner has your express permission to handle/come see the horse but that you do not want him handling your horse.
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post #10 of 12 Old 01-28-2020, 02:05 PM
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Definitely take it up with the BO, but also discuss it with the person doing it, because unless they have permission from you, they certainly shouldn't be handling your horse. No way.

I'd be livid.
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