Staying positive when riding a spooky horse
I feel like most of the time I go to see my pony at the barn I always find a way to complain without realising. My pony is quite spooky, so I always complain when she spooks and nearly runs me over in the process. When I am riding, I feel like I complain a lot about my pony not going on the bit or refusing a jump or spooking at a silly tree. I don't realise that I complain so much because it happens all the time! Am I a bad rider or person for complaining a lot, or is it not my fault because my horse is so spooky and hot most of the time?
I attend pony club so I feel a pressure to be perfect and ride perfectly, which never happens because my horse is so spooky and crazy and always seems to refuse jumps. Is it me being a bit nervous while riding, is it my horse, or do I need to have a better outlook on riding so I'm not so negative all the time? What are some ways to stay positive when you ride, especially if your horse is naughty quite alot?
It is affecting my life, I feel like I am more negative especially after riding as most of the time I don't feel satisfied, like there is too much spooking going on, or I am not jumping high enough. It makes me sad that I am unhappy doing something I love and I am so priviliged yet I am unhappy. Other days, riding is so nice, my pony and I are amazing, but mostly the bad days outweigh the good. I just feel stuck in my riding and need some advice. Thank you.