2018 Horse Talk for Mature People over 40 - Page 223 - The Horse Forum
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post #2221 of 2306 Old 05-24-2019, 09:22 AM
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Minnesota
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@Spanish Rider I feel lazy too. I cleaned out one stall in the barn last night after work (the one Hector was in before he got hurt) and swept the barn aisle and I felt exhausted! We actually have 2 cats, fairly recent additions (we got them in October last year I think) (and you are correct we have 5 dogs as well). Our house was built in 1902 and is not very mice proof so they've been very useful. Izzy is the plump calico and Lily is the sassy black and white one!
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post #2222 of 2306 Old 05-24-2019, 02:09 PM
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@RegalCharm and @SueC , all this dentist talk reminds me of my dad (whom I used to watch Tim Conway with), so please let me bore you with his story.

During WWII, my father was a little boy on a Coast Guard base in Norfolk Virginia. His father was a career USCG communications officer (yes, there were Nazi subs off the eastern seaboard, but that is a story for another day). At the age of 6 or so, he was terribly ill one winter, with a string of lung diseases (TB, pneumonia, etc.) and their house was quarantined. Anyway, whatever meds he was given completely destroyed his permanent teeth that were developing. As they grew in, they kept breaking during his childhood. So, like our @regal , at the age of 16, after his father died and they no longer lived on the base, he went to a dentist to have the remainder of his teeth pulled, WITHOUT ANESTHESIA. The dentist told him to stop whining like a baby and grow a pair, and my father sat there in that chair and did nothing but desire that dentist's death,

As the story goes, the dentist had a heart attack and died on the golf course that very afternoon.

Before his death, the dentist had given my father a set of temporary false teeth (can you imagine? a 16-year-old boy with falsies). But, as the ony dentist in town was now dead, and my father refused to ever go back to a dentist again, he never got fitted for false teeth and wore those temporary teeth for more than 60 years! Finally, for my sister's wedding 10 years ago, he was fitted for proper dentures. He told the new dentist his story, saying "Well, the last dentist who hurt me dropped dead," etc, etc. The new dentist loved the story and the antique dentures so much that he asked my father if he could keep them for his private collection!
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post #2223 of 2306 Old 05-24-2019, 02:38 PM
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OK, I am getting old and grouchy.

I did not mention this before because it seems like I am always complaining, but I am having problems with a twenty-something girl that has sometimes been helping trainer at the barn, and I have coincided with her 3 times in the past month.

Is it just me, or as we get older do we have less and less patience for being bossed around? I mean, having someone half my age telling me "do this, do that, DON'T DO THAT!" is reeeeeeeeally pushing all my buttons. I am actually surprised at my own visceral reaction to this because, after all, I am a mother, and I have taught teens and college kids for many years. So, I have experience, right? However, students and my boys have never spoken to me with such lack of respect.

Anyway, I feel the need to talk to trainer before I explode in this girl's face. Perhaps she thinks I am a newbie (which I am in Dressage, and that should NOT matter), but yesterday she was actually telling me how to move a horse in cross-ties over by clucking to him, then yelling at me (while ON Presu) to not let Presu get too close to the 4 yo stallion. Duh. [Explosion in 5, 4, 3, 2, …]

So, I need a couple of sweet, politically correct responses to get her to back off. @SwissMiss and @phantomhorse13 usually have sage ideas, and I'm sure @SueC could come up with a real zinger. I was thinking of something along the lines of, "Well, when I first started riding 40 years ago..."

Ugh. Barn drama. You're all so lucky you don't have to deal with it.
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post #2224 of 2306 Old 05-24-2019, 04:10 PM
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Yup- I would just say - thanks for the warning, I have ridden and been near stallions for many years and understand it is best to be cautious
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post #2225 of 2306 Old 05-24-2019, 06:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Spanish Rider View Post
OK, I am getting old and grouchy.

No, you are not! I could probably not have kept my mouth shut
But yeah, I hear you loud an clear!

Originally Posted by Spanish Rider View Post
...yelling at me (while ON Presu) to not let Presu get too close to the 4 yo stallion.
"Oh, but I always wanted to ride a stallion that is fighting with another one! Can you imagine the energy and how those bunching muscles feel? " accompanied by a simpering smile

I'm sorry you are having to deal with barn drama! It sucks big time!
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post #2226 of 2306 Old 05-24-2019, 11:48 PM
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@Spanish Rider the little snit sounds like she needs a bar of soap in her mouth!

Suggestion "For the past 40 years I've been riding, it has been traditional to pass on the left, not yell at another rider for being in the vicinity". "Would you prefer I use a jousting pole to keep you a safe distance away?" "On Guard!"

@SueC and @RegalCharm those dentist skits are making my sides hurt from laughing! (I need to go see one too, but somehow keep forgetting)

@QueenofFrance08 how is Stitch doing? Chivas will spin on a high line, so I can't use them. That ride looked very cold! Congratulations on your 5th place finish!! Did your riding skirt keep you warm and dry?? It looks awesome.

Those cats of yours look to be up to some mischief!
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post #2227 of 2306 Old 05-25-2019, 12:34 AM
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Originally Posted by RegalCharm View Post
@SueC . you must be having a tuff time sleeping tonight. You are up really late.
Not really, @RegalCharm ! I'm 12 hours ahead of forum time; this means my last post here yesterday was made at 8.21 PM our time. (We're in Western Australia. Sydney time would have been 10.21 but that's Sydney!)

I did have a tough time of it for a few weeks with sleep because of coming off SSRIs (for PTSD) late last month - rebound insomnia - but used the first shocking week to do some serious writing. I've been back to 7-8 hours sleep straight through again this week, which is good. Brain re-set is working. I stopped having nightmares without them so I'm good to go now.

@QueenofFrance08 , your cats look very naughty! That pointy, clever sort of face is very like the one on a Burmese we had once called Monique. She was a small cat with that sort of naughty face and boatloads of ideas.

@Spanish Rider , instant karma seems to have been the order of the day. I'm not sorry at all when people like that drop dead, I must say - those scruples have been removed from me with age and experience. People like that are a perpetual thorn in other people's sides, and either sadistic or callous to boot,

Interesting that antibiotics could do that - the staining with tetracyclines during tooth development is something many people know about, but that kind of major developmental disruption your father had is something I'd not come across - how unfortunate! Being a nerd, I immediately found myself a paper to read. Didn't take long to find one... https://www.omicsonline.org/extensiv...7.php?aid=2354

With that rude person at your barn, what I've found is when you meet people like that, the most effective thing is to pull them up for bad behaviour the very first time they try it on you. One way I do it is to say, unemotionally but firmly and clearly, "OK, now rewind what you've just said, and try saying that politely!" - and it's important to hold eye contact with that person while you say this, so they know you mean business. If it's gone on a while, you could say, upon another example of the same type of behaviour, "I do not appreciate your disrespectful tone of voice - address me politely, thank you." (Again, unemotional and firm, and you've got to look at the person and mean it. I put on my "talking to a 15-year-old naughty boy" face..) And if she doesn't - no manners, no service - simply state that you will respond to no requests that aren't made in a polite tone, and that you do not respond to orders or yelling full stop, and say whatever else you wish to convey, or say nothing more, as feels right to you.

I love @SwissMiss 's advice here. Humour is always excellent - then you can be the one laughing, and it may also defuse the situation (or not, but who cares). I think the best responses involve either humour, or emotional neutrality and firmness - don't let people get to you, or at least don't let them see they are getting to you, just do politeness broken records etc. And try to avoid getting in the same gutter, but on rare occasions it can be the right thing to let rip - this involves using your antennae and judgement of the situation.

I had someone yelling at me in public a while back because she thought my dog shouldn't be off her leash (which she was wrong about, it was an animal exercise area and my dog wasn't causing any issues). And this old lady was just yelling at me! And I went, with projected voice to cut through her screeching, "Excuuuuuuse me! You may address me in a polite tone, thank you very much! ...this is an animal exercise area. If you aren't familiar with its rules, feel free to ring the ranger!" And she wouldn't stop screeching, and I walked away, but with some choice words. I didn't swear - I can't remember precisely what I said, but it was related to her sounding like an ambulance siren when she was yelling, I think... that really wasn't a nice situation, and it wasn't my best ever response to that sort of problem, but I'm sure it wouldn't have been amiss to cool her down with a bucket of water, she was so loud and so rude... and had someone else done that, I have to admit I would have applauded...

Talking to your trainer about the problem with her manners and lack of respect towards you might also be a good strategy. He could have a little chat with her... do you think he would?

SueC is time travelling.

Last edited by SueC; 05-25-2019 at 12:44 AM.
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post #2228 of 2306 Old 05-25-2019, 12:35 AM
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@Spanish Rider not a boring story at all very interesting. Sounds like that first dentist was like the one in the movie with Dustin Hoffman stared in I can't remember the name of it. I hope the second dentist reciprocated with a hefty discount on the new false teeth.

just politely ask if she is unable to control her horse. But two stallions or even a stallion and gelding will want to mix it up if given the chance but she should not have panicked and started yelling.

@anita Ann I am glad you enjoyed the dentists skits. Those shows were in front of a live audience and were not edited so when the actors messed up a line that is what you saw. Tim loved to make the others crack up on live tv.

Another one to watch is the skit about Tim telling the story of an elephant.

I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within. Douglas MacArthur
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post #2229 of 2306 Old 05-25-2019, 09:53 AM
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Thank you all for your reponses! As you can imagine, I am not quick to respond in Spanish when I get ticked off.

@SwissMiss , would you be able to come up wth that little ditty so quickly in English?

@AnitaAnne , maybe I should start riding with a jousting pole just in case!

I think the best responses involve either humour, or emotional neutrality and firmness
Ok, well then I'm going to have to go with humor, as I am completely incapable of controlling my emotions. Especially when riding. Not long ago, I could not even handle riding with other horses in the arena! Yes, I feel completely comfortable talking to trainer. I mean, I am paying him to teach me, not to be "taught" by someone else. Plus, she does not speak to me in that tone in front of him, so I believe he is completely unaware of what is happening. If I had a business and someone "working" (don't know their agreement) for me mistreated my paying clients, you can bet I'd want to know about it!
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post #2230 of 2306 Old 05-26-2019, 08:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Spanish Rider View Post
@SwissMiss , would you be able to come up with that little ditty so quickly in English?

Probably not. But talking to someone in Swiss German normally throws off even the worst offenders
Maybe you should resort to speaking more English around her (with a really thick Boston accent )!

On a similar note: In your video with Kai I realized that you were speaking English with him. Is your main spoken language at home still English?

We still speak some sort of Swiss German at home and the kiddos are picking up bits and pieces leading to things like this from our DD "Can you please give me a Mässer? I need to spread the Gonfi!"
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