This tells me that you need help with something other than your riding skills. You need to seek professional help for your anger issues, it is not normal to be angry all of the time and at everybody. I hope you get the help that you need, and it is totally possible that you will find someone, maybe not even a professional, to talk to about your anger. If I may be so bold as to ask, why are you so angry? If you do not want to respond to this on this thread, you can PM me or totally ignore the question. Whether you answer me, or simply answer the question to yourself, it needs to be brought to light so you can learn to manage/control it. When you lose your temper, you lose everything; not just your temper, especially where horses are concerned.
As for your question as to how to stop your hard hands, quit doing it. I know that sounds simple, but the right answer usually is. As for expecting a perfect ride, show season is over, don't plan your rides just enjoy them. As far as I plan a ride is planning on going to the barn and riding. There is no forethought to it. I just plan to ride. If I work on barrels great, if I just plod down a trail great. And just so you know perfection is an illusion, there is no such thing, accept it. Enjoy your horses, especially since they seem to be your one thing that you aren't angry at, all of the time.
Good luck, I hope you find some peace. God bless you.
I'm mad because my parents make it seem like I do everything wrong. It seems like my mom has only been talking to me lately if she is complaining. Why is your room so dirty? Why didn't you take care of your laundry yet? Why do you have a box of cheezits in your room? It's never, how was your day? My stepdad labels me as the terrible stepdaughter. He regularly threatens to kick me out of the house because I am so bad, even though I'm home every single night doing my homework, eating dinner with them, etc. I can never live up to his expectations. My dad constantly rags on me about my grades, even though I am still managing a good GPA. If I don't have a 4.0, he acts like I won't make it into college or have a fulfulling life. I am struggling in school and trying to learn what I don't get. I am trying so hard, but it seems like I'm just continuing to sink. Just yesterday I was taking a test that I didn't understand, and I was so mad. So mad I didn't understand anything. I scribbled some answers down, hurried to the bathroom and just sat there, wiping my eyes, thinking of how the heck I will explain the bad grade to my parents. I'm angry that my mom, that out of the 8 billion people in the world has a medical illness where she has to get her head cut open in 3 weeks. I'm mad at the doctor for saying "we are aiming to have you 83% normal afterwards. Seriously? 83%? Show me the math. I'm mad at my stepdad for being, basically verbally abusive towards my mom. I'm mad at the people who continuosly bully me in school.
Maybe all I want is a break from people constantly ragging on me. A break from all of the bad luck, all of the negativity. I know people have it worse off than me. I realize that. But I just want 5 minutes where I don't have to deal with everything.
It may be hard to believe, but usually I am the calmest person. I'm not someone that throws my anger out at people, usually I just keep it inside until I have a chance to lay in my bed and just let it out. I used to sit next to a creek for hours and just watch the water, and wait for one of the muskrats to swim by. I used to love art and just sit and doodle. But now I'm a stressed out, angry person. And I'm angry about that too.
Sorry that I just a major case of word diarrhea. I was half venting.
I am going to change. I'm promising myself that. As soon as I get home today, I'm going to finish chores up and ride. Just ride around the field, maybe down the road and enjoy myself. That's my goal. My farrier once told my that running helped her with her anger through a divorce. When she felt like getting in her car and driving to kill her husband, she would just run instead. I'm going to try that too.