Battling the Hard-handed Rider - Page 5 - The Horse Forum
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post #41 of 65 Old 10-30-2013, 05:59 PM
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My dear child, you have a lot to contend with at the moment. I can understand why you are angry all the time.

At the moment you are also worried silly over your Mother's forthcoming operation, and your stepfather is probably the same. Your Mum must be scared stiff, I know I would be, so, all are at each other's throats.

Animals are forgiving, you know what you did was wrong and have been given some good advice, so when you feel that red mist coming down, stop,what you are doing and either go for a walk on the horse or just get off and chill out by taking him for a walk and chill out together.

Anyone who is human and has had experience with animals will be able to look back and think, "heck, how did that animal ever suffer me?" I doubt there are many who can truthfully say that there was not a time when they were unfair to an animal that they truly loved either because of a bad mood or ignorance.

Last edited by TaMMa89; 11-01-2013 at 08:12 AM.
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post #42 of 65 Old 10-30-2013, 07:02 PM
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Clementine is sometimes very successful with irking me to the point of anger. The things I know she knows how to do SUDDENLY are apparently incredibly confusing. WHAT? You want me to BACK UP? I have no idea how to do that!

And to be completely honest it does make me want to take it out on her. 'I KNOW you know how to do this, you dumb animal' type thinking. So instead I just flat out drop my reins. I sit there and just... Breathe. Just sit with her, calm down, tell her she's a good girl and we'll try some more. And actually, once I stop tensing up and get my head under control she's more responsive to me. My body language is affecting her, and if I get worked up and upset she's going to be too.

You've gotten some great advice here and I'm so glad you're working to fix it. Like others have said, it's not okay to punish your horse for something that isn't her fault. But yo recognize this, and that's a major step forward. I think it might help you, actually, to start a member journal and record your progress. Or even a private journal. Like another member said, start it out with a few things that made the day good, whatever it may be - and then vent, if you need to. Keep track of your progress. It'll be nice for you to see how far you're coming.
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post #43 of 65 Old 10-30-2013, 07:33 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoebox View Post
Clementine is sometimes very successful with irking me to the point of anger. The things I know she knows how to do SUDDENLY are apparently incredibly confusing. WHAT? You want me to BACK UP? I have no idea how to do that!

And to be completely honest it does make me want to take it out on her. 'I KNOW you know how to do this, you dumb animal' type thinking. So instead I just flat out drop my reins. I sit there and just... Breathe. Just sit with her, calm down, tell her she's a good girl and we'll try some more. And actually, once I stop tensing up and get my head under control she's more responsive to me. My body language is affecting her, and if I get worked up and upset she's going to be too.

You've gotten some great advice here and I'm so glad you're working to fix it. Like others have said, it's not okay to punish your horse for something that isn't her fault. But yo recognize this, and that's a major step forward. I think it might help you, actually, to start a member journal and record your progress. Or even a private journal. Like another member said, start it out with a few things that made the day good, whatever it may be - and then vent, if you need to. Keep track of your progress. It'll be nice for you to see how far you're coming.
When I got mad today, I just stopped and took a breath and tried again. It worked wonders just to use patience. I am definitely starting a journal for my venting and to track the progress of my horse, bad and good things. I'm sure the good list will be much longer than the bad, he is such a great horse and he is not being treated right at all. I do need to give him some credit just for trying to do what I ask, even though it's not always right.
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post #44 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 06:42 PM
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Don't be so hard on yourself!! I'm sure we've all done this at some point in our lives!!

First of all, relax, don't get high expectations, just start with a bit of flatwork, relax your wrists, let them droop slightly, think of fluffy unicorns!! Smiling always helps (me, personally) you to relax, and I have found that when I smile my hard hands disappear!! When you're jumping, sit nice and relaxed in the saddle, aim for the middle, if your horse refuses, don't tug him really hard in the mouth, growl at him if you must!! If you pull at your horses mouth a lot when jumping, he'll learn to fear it!

I'm no expert, but when in doubt ask someone experienced like a trainer/riding instructor, take your horse to a private lesson even someday and explain your problem, you'll be sorted in no time!!x
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post #45 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 07:41 PM
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She does have anger issues. This is the problem. She has flat out said she does this frequently whenever she has a bad ride.

Also I think its safe to say that not everyone has done this to their horse at one point or another. If I even once took my anger out on my horse I would be giving my horse away because I wouldn't deserve her. Anyone who takes their anger out on a helpless animal needs anger management help asap.
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Last edited by TaMMa89; 11-01-2013 at 08:46 AM.
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post #46 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 07:44 PM
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Originally Posted by NBEventer View Post
She does have anger issues. This is the problem. She has flat out said she does this frequently whenever she has a bad ride.

Also I think its safe to say that not everyone has done this to their horse at one point or another. If I even once took my anger out on my horse I would be giving my horse away because I wouldn't deserve her. Anyone who takes their anger out on a helpless animal needs anger management help asap.
I didn't mean that we've all abused our horse!! But admit it, we all get a little mad sometimes, and some people just handle it in different ways!! Yes she may need help, but seriously, I think she's realised now. Lay off.

Last edited by TaMMa89; 11-01-2013 at 08:49 AM.
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post #47 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 07:49 PM
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The fact is, the OP is abusing her horse. If someone beat their horse with a baseball bat would you tell them its okay? Its on the same level. She is ripping her horses mouth. Just because she had one good ride after MULTIPLE abusive rides doesn't mean she is magically "cured".

I hope the OP does in fact realize she has a serious problem and that she is getting help to stop this. Because this is behavior that can and likely will escalate if its not stopped now.
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Last edited by TaMMa89; 11-01-2013 at 08:49 AM.
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post #48 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 07:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NBEventer View Post
She does have anger issues. This is the problem. She has flat out said she does this frequently whenever she has a bad ride.

Also I think its safe to say that not everyone has done this to their horse at one point or another. If I even once took my anger out on my horse I would be giving my horse away because I wouldn't deserve her. Anyone who takes their anger out on a helpless animal needs anger management help asap.
I have MH issues, and Im unmedicated and not in therapy. Oh and like many it came forth in my teens. I have never abused my horses.

I keep any need to abuse to myself. I may pierce, get tattoos or less acceptable things, but I will NOT take my issues out on my kids, or my pets. They flat out dont deserve it...

OP....you need to talk to a pro. Try a school counselor. They can direct you right, moreso than some random non professionals on the internet. You have no idea how lucky you are to have these resources, yes, even us randos....for support. A real therapist may be able to help you CONTINUE on a path to not feel the way you do, and provide guidance and support.
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post #49 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 07:53 PM
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Originally Posted by NBEventer View Post
Just because she had one good ride after MULTIPLE abusive rides doesn't mean she is magically "cured".
No, it doesn't mean she is 'cured' it means that this could be her road to recovery. I'm not saying that it will be. But we weren't there, we can't really say anything.
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post #50 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 07:54 PM Thread Starter
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Again, I was going to come with a good update and well, you all ruined it. I'm done trying. Now whenever I come onto this forum, I end up crying, even more stressed than before. Thanks to all that actually were helping.
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