Battling the Hard-handed Rider - Page 6 - The Horse Forum
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post #51 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 07:56 PM
Join Date: Oct 2013
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I'm sorry:( Can we hear that update:)?
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post #52 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 08:10 PM
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OP, with things like this you can either take in all of criticism and learn from it or you can ignore it and have this constantly repeat. I'm sure that's not what you want.

My advice would be to do what a lot of people on here are saying. That is to possibly get some help with your anger. No shame in that. You're already on your way to helping yourself now that you have identified the problem.

As for your horse, maybe take a break. Just ride and enjoy that you HAVE a horse and that you HAVE a mom and dad. Yes, it can suck at time BELIEVE me. I'm 17 and I have many of those moments that you are facing. I find that when I start to get angry with things around me and I know that it may get in the way of my riding, I just brush my horse. Your horse is supposed to be a happy place, something you can get away from and be happy. You don't have to ride to be around a horse. I think that's what you need to do. You just need to stop riding for a bit, collect your thoughts and take a deep breath. As for getting heavy-handed I reallly like the idea for thin, fish wire. That will break a habit like being heavy handed easily.

Best of luck.

And I really suggest not leaving the HorseForum. This is a great place to learn. You're always going to encounter people who have strong opinions, no doubt about that. Whether its on the internet or not. Hope you stay.

For the wretched of the earth there is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.
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post #53 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 08:27 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Missouri
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The underrated attitude about being hard handed really gets to me. Riding with hard hands is not okay. It's harmful to the horse and unnecessary. A lot of people see it as "okay" and allow it to go on. I'd say it's as harmful as manhandling a horse because how can they escape from it? It's in their mouths.

The OP has been illuminated to this fact, and understands its seriousness which is why she asked for no one to hold back in the initial posting. But... there's a saying... be careful what you wish for. Because sometimes it's way more than you bargained for.
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Last edited by TaMMa89; 11-01-2013 at 08:52 AM.
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post #54 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 08:32 PM
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Location: Where the red fern grows....
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I have had a hard life growing up....many of us have. But when I rode, I felt and knew how fortunate I was to have a horse, to be able to ride, to know that they trust me and I them, they were my partner and I would NEVER take out my anger on them. My dad taught me that when you feel yourself loosing that patience and control, stop and walk away. My life right now makes yours look like a walk in the park, yet my most favorite time is being at the barn where I work and around my own barn and 4 horses.

Today, I ride one of the horses where I work at, a fox hunter/jumper and the owners are very particular who they let ride, they have come out to watch me on him. One thing, I pride myself on my patience with horses, on my seat and in particularly, my hands. How would you feel if someone grabbed you all the time? You say you are bullied and hate it. Guess what, your being a bully to your horse. They are very sensitive creatures and yes, over time, they will remember what your doing and you will loose that trust you had with you want that?

Two more years and you can get the heck out of your house and go on your own, since it is so bad. There is always 3 sides to a story, your side, your parents side, and the truth. I am not here to pat you on the head and coddle you, as your a young adult and need to act like one. If I EVER caught my daughter, or my son, acting and treating my horse or any horse in the manner you described, I would snatch them off and they wouldn't be sitting for a week, much less ever do it again when I got done with either one of them.
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Last edited by GreySorrel; 10-31-2013 at 08:36 PM.
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post #55 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 08:42 PM
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Originally Posted by GreySorrel View Post
I have had a hard life growing up....many of us have. But when I rode, I felt and knew how fortunate I was to have a horse, to be able to ride, to know that they trust me and I them, they were my partner and I would NEVER take out my anger on them.

I had a nasty childhood. One my mother still apologizes to me for every single day because she feels horrible for making me live through it.

I had anger issues, depression and anxiety issues and serious trust issues. Not once did I ever take my feelings out on an animal or a person.

Now I know everyone handles their feelings differently. Not everyone can internalize it like I chose to. Not everyone can control their emotions and only take it out in writing or music. Everyone has their own way. But never at any point is it okay to take it out on another living being. When you get to that point you DO need to seek help. Professional help. Like I said a lot of schools offer anger management classes. Which I think the OP should look into. Or even teen support groups. There is help out there if she wants to find it.

BB ~ 2014 Trakehner Bratty Mare ~ 1993 CSHA Em ~ 2007 Standardbred
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post #56 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 08:48 PM
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If you let your anger cause you to jerk the horse's mouth, then he is going to get angry and behave poorly. It is just plain bad riding.
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Carpe Diem!
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post #57 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 09:02 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Michigan
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Here is among my last updates.

Tonight I came home as quick as possible to get time to ride my boy. It's been pouring rain but it didn't stop me. He got saddled and bridled and I got on. Before I even got to the arena, I was chilled to the bone. Oh well. I got to warm him up, walk and stop and trot and stop, just transitions. Our arena was extremely mucky, oh well. I had a free jump line set up for a different horse, so I decided to just try going over it once. I felt him raise up and lock onto it, but he kept a solid, calm trot. He jumped, and I gave him the biggest crest release to date. He jumped the next, and we stopped. He got loved on, I was so happy. I asked for his bad lead cantering, and he picked it right up. He is always really rushy while cantering, and he was tonight, but I just shifted my weight back, telling him easy. He slowed way down, and even it was just for a half circle, we stopped and I was extremely happy. We began walking back to the barn and I did walk to stop transitions just by my seat. I'm extremely happy with the ride we had.

And I did thinking afterwards. I usually live by forgive and forget. Thing is, I can forgive myself but I will never be able to forget. I'm learning from these past mistakes. My old riding buddy used to stop me, mid abuse and talk me down and help me and my horse improve from where we were. That was 3 years ago. Just a few months ago she came back from a trainer's barn and told me a story of the trainer and her making a horse's mouth bleed, and said that "she had it coming". That could be me in a few months if I don't put a stop to this. I don't want to be known as the person on the circuit that abuses their horse. That's just not me.

I came here seeking advice, and that's what I'm getting. Some of it is not what I want to hear, but a lot of it is. I appreciate everyone that is trying to help. I'm sorry for some of the hostility I have bestowed upon some of you, I know you were in the best interest of my horse, as I am too. I know this is not a mental health forum, but I'm trying to seek help, heal and move on. I can't even begin to explain how stressful it is going through everyday wondering what the next day will hold for me, if I will get the same call I did a year ago, saying my mom was in the hospital. I know none of this will make up for my actions, or excuse them, but I am truly trying. I've never been so set on changing, mostly because I have support behind me.

I might as well wrap up with 5 good things of the day:
1. I made the robotics team for school.
2. I fit into a group of people for one of the first times this year in school.
3. I had a great ride on my horse today.
4. The weather was my favorite, rain.
5. I realized my stepdad does care, even if he is a butt most of the time.

1 bad thing:
I didn't realize the changes I could make in my life so easily until now. I listened to a guy talk about how robotics helped him open up to people and realize the world isn't as bad as it seems. I feel like I finally have a group of people around me that are willing to listen and help. I feel like it's going to get better here on out, as long as I keep trying, and I'm going to.

Thank you all.
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post #58 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 09:21 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
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DON'T FORGET. If you forget you are always doomed to repeat the past.

Glad to hear that you're doing better.
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For the wretched of the earth there is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.
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post #59 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 09:39 PM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
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If I ever get to whining about being middle aged, I shall have to think about how hard it can be to be young.

Here's a good and simple mantra for you: "This, too, shall pass". just say it inside yourself when things are really just about ready to make the bomb inside go off.

the hard things, AND the good things, pass away. Have faith. They always have, and they always will.
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post #60 of 65 Old 10-31-2013, 10:28 PM
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OP, to directly quote one of your signatures: it will all be right in the end. If it's not all right, then it's not the end.

Good luck and Godspeed. You have a great splash of people who are there to help you through it.

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
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