Bond between you & your horse? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 22 Old 10-21-2010, 05:21 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: West US
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Unhappy Bond between you & your horse?

What is your bond with your horse? How do you feel about him/her, and how do you think he/she feels about you?

The reason I ask is, I've owned my mare for 8 years. We had good times. I say "had", because it's just not fun anymore. I don't really enjoy riding her anymore. And I don't think she really enjoys me either. We seem to get on each others nerves.

I've decided to sell her. I think maybe we're just different "types". I think she'd be happier with a different owner, and I think I'd be happier with a different horse. However, people don't seem to understand this. When I talk about selling my mare, people think I'm crazy, because she's an excellent horse. I agree that she's an excellent horse, but perhaps she's just not "the one".

I just want to know if my poor relationship with my horse is normal. I keep thinking the rest of you have wonderful relationships with your horses...

[Before any of you chastise me about horse ownership, just know that my horse still gets the best care. I treat her like I'd treat the best horse in the world, and she is healthy and sound]
petitepyromaniac is offline  
post #2 of 22 Old 10-21-2010, 05:27 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Quad Cities, IL
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I've had 5 horses beside my stallion. They were all great horses, well mannered, easy to deal with, etc... And I sold them all the instant someone offered cash. Why? Because they were "just horses" to me. The bond wasn't there. My stallion is truly like a soul mate to me. If given the choice I don't WANT to ride any other horse, he doesn't seem to be happy with other riders or handlers. I'll have him until the day one of dies.

There's NO reason for you to feel guilty. A relationship with a horse is no different than a dog or a human. If you don't enjoy each other and don't really want to hang out together then move on! Just make sure she gets a good home :)
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post #3 of 22 Old 10-21-2010, 05:32 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Georgia
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When I first got my pony, I absolutely adored him. We worked great together. However, over time that bond kind of faded a little bit and we both got on each others nerves. Now, we're back to that bond we had at first. I've always loved my pony, but we just went through a bad spell at that time. I think it was because I was paying more attention to one of my other horses and didn't spend much time with him, so if he messed up I would just get frustrated when I should've understood that everything was totally my fault for not spending the amount of time I should've been spending with him. I still don't spend the amount of riding time I should be spending with him due to school, work, and blah blah blah, but I still see him everyday and give him some attention. Sometimes just going out in the pasture and just giving them some hugs and kisses helps out a lot.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail...
barrelracer892 is offline  
post #4 of 22 Old 10-21-2010, 10:57 PM
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Earth, last time I checked
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My horse, she 18 paint mare, 14.2hh. She very pretty, I love her to death. I use to ride her all the time but I got hurt one day and couldn't ride for a month. She kind of went wild, I'm retraining her. She doing great, she doesn't like many people lol. I used to some she was like a one man horse. My anut says, she not for you, she to wild. I really don't care, I love her and I'm live. So there fore she not to wild, I can ride just fine. I don't want to sell her. So I'm training her and she doing great. Someone go one her last year and she acted up. I laughed and got on her and she did fine. lol
Cowgirl101 is offline  
post #5 of 22 Old 10-22-2010, 01:52 AM
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Brisbane, Australia
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I keep my horse with friends and they look after him for me since I have crazy annoying work hours that don't let me see him weekdays.
I'm usually told stories of how he won't let people catch him easily or take his rugs off, threatens to kick. This could be because he's just super bonded to me, which is weird considering how much I see him, or it's my friends kids being wusses and not standing up to him and letting the 4 year old too smart for his own good horse get away with this behaviour. Any other horse, they put in it's place, except for mine.
He's not the kind of horse to follow you like a bad smell, but he will for a little while. He loves to get cuddles and just sits in your lap until you walk away.
I love him to bits and will be keeping him until I can no longer pay for him, or one of us is dead. And even if I couldn't pay for him anymore, he would be leased out as a companion horse until I could get back on my feet. So really, he will never see another owner if I can help it.

I agree with others. Don't feel bad about selling your horse. You could have the best horse in the world, but it still won't be the best horse in the world for YOU if you don't get along.
Amir is offline  
post #6 of 22 Old 10-22-2010, 01:58 AM
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Texas
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I have an incredibly good bond with my horse, and I always have. We "saved" each other, I suppose you could say. I had just had to make the decision to put down my previous horse, and he had been in the same barn as she was. I never liked him, because he had an awful attitude, would lunge as people walked by, kicked like crazy, raked his teeth on the wire mesh between the stalls, etc. etc. It wasn't until my trainer asked me to ride him, since she couldn't as often as she wanted and he needed to stay in shape since he was for sale, that we really clicked. As soon as he was getting worked every day he stopped all the rude, awful habits. He latched on to me and would poke his head out of the stall as I walked in and whistled. He nickered to me as I was leaving, etc. He also taught me a lot about myself and made me a better rider.

However I will probably be selling him soon. Not because I don't love him to pieces, but because I can only afford one horse at a time, and I have aspirations to ride at higher levels. because of his previous injuries, He can't jump much more than 2'9" and I don't want him to be with a person who won't show him to his potential. Don't feel bad for selling your horse. What's important is her and you being happy. I've ridden horses where I feel the same about them as you do about your mare, and it's tolerable, but it's never really fun. After all, riding is supposed to be FUN.

"Always be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn. Then, always be a unicorn."
Strange is offline  
post #7 of 22 Old 10-22-2010, 02:26 AM
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Location: Oregon
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I think that definitely an ok thing to be feeling. Its like friends in real life, you can adore them and they can be right for you when you're in a certain stage of life, then as you grow and mature they become less and less what you "need." That doesn't mean you seriously don't like them or anything, it just means that you need to move on and grow apart, which is ok. Some people will always be perfect for you because that's just the way things are, but in most relationships an end will come. And it just sounds like the end of you and this particular horse has come. There's no shame in that. :)

My mare gets on my nerves regularly, I'm sure it's mutual. She sure knows how to drive me crazy, also probably mutual. However, she's my girl. She adores me and I adore her. Yeah, there are things about her that I would change, and if she were younger I might be inclined to sell her since I really would like something to work on. However, I made a commitment to her when I got her that I was going to keep her until she dies. Since she's 25 (23 when I got her) that seems like a reasonable promise. Especially since there really isn't a market for 25 year old trail ponies. :P In the mean time though, we're enjoying each other. I enjoy every ride with her cuz it's not every horse that you can take out on the trails, alone, for hours, all gaits, and not have to deal with one spook or unmanageable misbehavior. And I know that I got really lucky with her and whenever I end up riding another horse I always wish for her because she is so much more of a bomb horse than most. But at the same time, I often forget that I did get so lucky, and I feel like there might be something better out there, but then I come on here and read various threads and I am reminded of how she is so perfect for me.
I really do adore her. I started out with her when she was basically crazy, I really felt (and still do) that I was WAY in over my head. However, my trainer said that I could do it, and I guess she was right since we did do it. But yeah, I came to my Lacey girl with a severe fear of falling off horses, slipping horses, cantering, spooking, trail riding, excited horses, whinnying horses, and basically every other behavior that horses exhibit that could be construed as "slightly out of control." Well, Lacey did all of that. She'd slip, she'd spook, she was always excited, whinnied all the time, she even had a rearing problem. Well, needless to say, I got over my fears really quickly. The thing about Lacey though, is that I had all those fears and my two biggest were cantering and falling off. Well, she hasn't let me fall off yet (we've had quite a few close calls but she's always magically saved me) and she's never tried funny business at the canter (which was my fear). Once at a gallop, she bolted with me (she was so happy to be running, she was flagging her tail and just being delighted with running) and I was terrified. She had thrown her head up in the air so I had no control and I was sure we were gonna die or something else terrible. But yknow what? For some reason I angrily yelled "LACEY!!!" at her and she came right back to me, she slowed down and got right back under control. That was a HUGE confidence builder for me, I mean, I had absolutely no physical control over her and she was loving running, yet she chose to slow down because I was scared.
She's taught me so much that would take all night to share so I won't but I'm a way better person for knowing her. I needed a confidence builder and she's become my confidence builder.

In any case, I think your feelings are very normal. :)

Fabio - 13 year old Arabian/Lipizzan gelding

Rest peacefully, Lacey.
Wallaby is offline  
post #8 of 22 Old 10-22-2010, 02:33 AM
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Some horses and some people just don't click. I hate having to ride my Dad's horse. He's a great horse and will do anything you ask, I just don't like him and he doesn't give what he has as willingly to me as he does Dad. If he was mine, I would have sold him years ago. On the other hand, my guy Dobe was originally going to be a buy-ride-sell horse but I fell completely in love with his personality and he will now be a permanent fixture at my house until he dies.

If you aren't enjoying your mare, then you need to do something different and it sounds like you have a pretty good game plan.
smrobs is offline  
post #9 of 22 Old 10-22-2010, 09:56 AM
Join Date: Mar 2010
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My mare is essentially my soul mate i love her soo much when things are going bad she knows and she doesnt annoy me that day she just pleases. Yet when she knows im alert she does test and question me. she has thought me stuff about myslef i never knew and allowed me to expand into riding territory i never thought possible.
She was on trial 15times before i got her everybody hated her and we clicked.
Its mutual between us we both give. If she is learning one thing but not in the style etc i like we can compromise. i have gained confidience in my girl.

Yet despite how alert and intune she is i know if there is ever anything wrong i can cry into her mane all day and she will never leave me.

I love her soo much.
Yet my other ponies some fancier better bred etc then her id put off riding them because we dont click and im waiting fior the right time to sell them

To give a horse your heart guarantees a love that will last forever undamageable
MaggiStar is offline  
post #10 of 22 Old 10-22-2010, 10:10 AM
Join Date: Feb 2010
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I think this might sum it up......"Friends come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.....". The same can be said with horses (or husbands or dogs or anything really). She may have been in your life to teach you something specific and now your time together is done. How excting to be looking for your lifetime horse!!

"Equine-facilitated therapy employs a form of biofeedback for practicing self-awareness, emotional management, and relationship skills that human role-playing exercises and discussion groups cannot begin to access." Linda Kohanov (The Tao of Equus)
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bond , horse , relationship , sell

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