Boyfriend has brought a horse but is stressing me out because of it. - The Horse Forum
View Poll Results: Should I help my boyfriend with his horse all the time?
Carry on as I am now helping him 24/7 1 4.76%
Help him a little bit 7 33.33%
Carry on helping him but make him do more jobs for me 5 23.81%
Not help him at all 9 42.86%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 21. You may not vote on this poll

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post #1 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 08:52 AM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
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Angry Boyfriend has brought a horse but is stressing me out because of it.

I need someones advice. My boyfriend has brought a horse, don't get me wrong its amazing he wants to share my passion. After a week of buying him he cut his leg and we had to get the vet out. Because i am unemployed because i am a student i haven't got a lot of money in the world. So my Grandma paid for his vet bill which was 96.20p. He is very grateful and he is paying her back.
Due to his horse being on antibiotics I had to get up every morning to go and feed his horse and clean his cut up. I would then go up in the evening to look after my own horse too. So a lot of driving around and our yard inst exceptionally close to my house its a 24 mile round trip each time. He starts work at 9.30 every day and didn't want to go down before work. he would then get up the yard after work and ive already done all the jobs while im there for evening jobs. Yes i leave things for him to do but its not much to do. Its not a I scratch your back you scratch mine its just me doing things for him. I asked him today to feed my horse for me and do the evening jobs and he huffed and puffed. I love both him and his horse dearly but im getting fed up of looking after his horse for him, his horse has no manners at all and just moves about cant stand still. If i wanted to buy another horse i would have. I really don't know what to do about it, do i turn around to him and do it all yourself, help him a little bit or carry on as i am? (Ps he knows a lot about horses he has had them in his family his whole life)

Sorry this is long just wanted to get it off of my chest, i do not wish for nasty comments, so please don't put them. I'm looking for advice.
ejwhitmore is offline  
post #2 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 09:07 AM
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first welcome to the forum I would start to teach him what to do so he learns and the horse will start to bond with him more

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post #3 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 09:10 AM
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The option I want is not one offered above. You need to sit him down and discuss how to SHARE in the work.

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post #4 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 09:10 AM
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Sounds like you need to sit down and have a chat with him to set a schedule. Horses are big responsibilities, especially when one needs special attention.
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post #5 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 09:11 AM
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Tell him to either get up early and take care of the horse or at least take over evening chores. Tell him exactly how you feel. He won't know there is a problem if you don't communicate that to him.....in simple, non confrontational words. A lot of problems can be solved with a simple conversation.
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post #6 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 09:14 AM
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Well, you need to sit down with your boyfriend and talk!

He's made some assumptions here - he thinks that because you already do your own horse, it will be 'no trouble' to do his as well. You need to explain that you're not happy with this, and why.

There is a balance to be had. Don't be a doormat - but do try to find a compromise where you both feel that you are pulling your weight and taking a fair share of the work.

Is he paying the yard for his horse's livery or are you? If he can't scrape together 96 for the vet, then I have to wonder how he's going to pay for farrier, feed, tack, hay in the winter etc etc.

Get up, get going, seize the day. Enjoy the sunshine, the rain, cloudy days, snowstorms, and thunder. Getting on your horse is always worth the effort.
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post #7 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 09:34 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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I have told him, ive sat down with him and said how i feel. Hes just started a new job so hes paying my grandma back very quickly. He had the farrier out that day and wants expecting to have the vet out, i had to call the vet myself and get her out ASAP. Its really stressing me out, it means i cant bring my horse in because i have to bring his in and look after him, I feel like i am letting Joey down and i don't want him to think i don't want to spend time with him. Ive told Rob that Jasper isn't my responsibility he is his and he needs to look after him not me, also that if i wanted the responsibility of another horse i would have brought one. He has an amazing bond with Jasper they clicked very well, but hes not very hard with him, he doesn't tell him off just things like that can make a difference especially if other people have to look after him. He pays for everything else himself, he hasn't had to ask for help with things before he just wasn't expecting it and because he hasn't had him long he hasn't been able to put money a side for things like that.
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post #8 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 10:12 AM
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I guess I am missing something. Are the horses boarded on your property or at a boarding facility? Why do you have to do anything with his horse? Leave it and focus on your own horse.
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post #9 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 10:21 AM
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I TOTALLY get this! I've had horses since I was 16 .. I bought my husband his first horse last year. He was thrilled .. I was stressed.

Since I was already taking care of mine, it was only "logical" that I would continue to be the one going out there ..

Then there was the riding .. I didn't get to enjoy MY horse because I "prepared" his horse for riding while I was trying to teach him.

Then I was constantly watching him because he is green, the horse is green (I know, I know), constantly schooling him, correcting him...

IT.DOES.GET.BETTER...

It's been a year and over that time, step by step, he has taken responsibility for his horse. We have them at the house, and while I'm still the one doing most of the maintenance (I like it though, so I can keep an eye on things), I don't feel like I have to babysit his every move, or tell him HOW to care for his horse anymore.

I, in fact, asked PERMISSION to ride HIS horse the other day, so it's obvious that the horse is now HIS ..

Does that make sense? It WAS stressful at first, until he REALLY bought in and WANTED to pull his weight.

Hang in there!
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post #10 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 10:30 AM
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I'm assuming this is a self-care boarding situation. If he is new to horses, he may just not realize how much work it really is. Watching you is not the same as doing, maybe he just doesn't realize how much he's asking of you. Just tell him it is making you tired and resentful, having to care for his horse as well as yours, and its taking time away from you to actually enjoy your horse, and then set up a schedule. Let him take evenings several nights a week and let him handle the weekends so you can sleep in a bit.

"Keep a leg on each side and your mind in the middle"
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