Boyfriend has brought a horse but is stressing me out because of it. - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
View Poll Results: Should I help my boyfriend with his horse all the time?
Carry on as I am now helping him 24/7 1 4.76%
Help him a little bit 7 33.33%
Carry on helping him but make him do more jobs for me 5 23.81%
Not help him at all 9 42.86%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 21. You may not vote on this poll

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post #11 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 11:46 AM
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: left of center
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OP-telling him is not the same as discussing, and coming to a resolution of the issue.

I would sit him down with a calendar and do a few days or even a week at a time. Plan it out and write it down, and get a commitment from him as you are both doing this schedule, that he will do what is there. Hopefully he is not the type who doesn't do what he says he will. If so-best to know now.
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post #12 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
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Originally Posted by apachiedragon View Post
I'm assuming this is a self-care boarding situation. If he is new to horses, he may just not realize how much work it really is. Watching you is not the same as doing, maybe he just doesn't realize how much he's asking of you. Just tell him it is making you tired and resentful, having to care for his horse as well as yours, and its taking time away from you to actually enjoy your horse, and then set up a schedule. Let him take evenings several nights a week and let him handle the weekends so you can sleep in a bit.
He has had horses his whole life which is why it's stressing me out. He helps his mum and sisters withy theirs all the time. Before he got jasper he was fine and would happily help me with Joey but now it's a different matter. He will moan at me if I ask him to bring him in. But over the past 2 weeks I have brought him in 14 times without Rob being there. I hope he will pull his weight over winter as il be at college. I don't mind doing things up the yard for him but I feel like he should turn round to me and say you have the night off il do the jobs at the yard tonight :( I can only dream. I'm glad someone else gets how I feel and what I'm going through. Texasgal how did you cope with it all? Was winter stressful for you?
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post #13 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 12:21 PM
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: left of center
Posts: 7,141
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Sounds to me like you need to spend more time with your horse and less with this guy. He sounds like a "taker" to me. He will take as much as you will give. Therefore, stop giving, and see if he starts to give some. If not-you need another BF. JMHO

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post #14 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 12:29 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
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he is a great boyfriend he really is, i just feel as if im doing all the hard work and he is doing the easy stuff. I wouldnt change rob for the world he is amazing. He is good with all the other horses i think he may have taken it all on board too quickly. He will have a shock in winter when im at college 9/5 every day. I will be waking up at 6am every day and not getting home till 6.30pm its ok while its light but when its dark its awful.
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post #15 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 12:36 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Michigan
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Originally Posted by ejwhitmore View Post
he is a great boyfriend he really is, i just feel as if im doing all the hard work and he is doing the easy stuff.
Read what you just wrote here again, and again, and again if necessary. As others have posted, it is time to have an adult discussion with him over the division of work.
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post #16 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 12:38 PM
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
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ej .. this doesn't have to become a "your boyfriend is bad" vs. "defending your boyfriend" thread. None of us know your bf.

Hopefully he'll ease into doing more and more. I think with my husband, he was a little intimidated because it was all easy and second nature to me. As he eased into helping out, he began to pick out the things he enjoys and is good at (he LOVES the manure rake, he loves to spend time just grazing his horse on the lead, teaching his horse stuff, tacking and untacking, rinsing, fly spraying, doctoring etc.) I pick up where he lacks (brushing, feeding, watering, coaching when he gets stuck, calling the farrier and vet, looking out for health issues, etc.)

It works. Encourage him and help him along and he'll be confident and helpful in no time -- hopefully!
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post #17 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 01:22 PM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NY
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What time does he get up? I would assume he would have enough time in the morning to take care of his '1' horse. I have 6 and by the time it's 9 am i have been up for 3 1/2 hours. Also are you absolutely positive he knows a lot about horses? I have met a few people who have been around horses their entire lives but they don't know even the basics! ( but then that leads to the question of whether or not the people i met were lying or not :/ ...)

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post #18 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 01:40 PM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Georgia
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Having to be somewhere at 9 doesn't constitute him dumping his responsibilities on you. I used to have to take care of 12 horses before class at 9:30! You wake up to get your chores done. I definitely think he's taking advantage of you and having you do his work for him.

Sit down and talk to him about this. Plan out a schedule. Being willing to help is one thing but doing it all for him is another.
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post #19 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 02:00 PM
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Michigan
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Wow, being somewhere at 9, and unwilling to take care of one horse. I have to be to work between 4-am and 5am. There are days I have gotten up at 230 to feed, clean a stall and give antibiotics to an injury/sick horse. Before work. Then work a 14 hour day, and come home and do it all over again.

he needs to suck it up, care for the horse HE purchased. Or sell it. ITS THAT SIMPLE.

He did NOT think this through.
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post #20 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 02:50 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southeastern PA
Posts: 9,470
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When I was first reading this, I assumed you were doing the work because he didn't know how. I was going to suggest that you teach him.

Now you say he's had horses all his life. So he's just being lazy. Stop caring for the house, and he will have to. It's his horse not yours.
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