Boyfriend has brought a horse but is stressing me out because of it. - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
View Poll Results: Should I help my boyfriend with his horse all the time?
Carry on as I am now helping him 24/7 1 4.76%
Help him a little bit 7 33.33%
Carry on helping him but make him do more jobs for me 5 23.81%
Not help him at all 9 42.86%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 21. You may not vote on this poll

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post #21 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 03:14 PM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Posts: 20
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If he is not willing to share in the workload, for the sake of your relationship and for your own happiness, stop helping him at all. It is HIS horse. It is HIS responsibility to provide for it. I'm not sure what your life together is like but if he gets mad at you for this, I would be cautious moving forward in your relationship. Your partner shouldn't make your life harder and whine when you ask for more help.
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post #22 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 06:17 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 4,863
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I think I'd tell him something like you feel you're doing a lot of the work, that maybe you can each look after your own horse for a few weeks and see how it works out, then if there are any "cross overs" then you can work out ways to make it easier for each other.

To me, there isn't any discussion or negotiation. It's his horse - he looks after it, and you look after yours.
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post #23 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 09:16 PM
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Originally Posted by Saskia View Post
I think I'd tell him something like you feel you're doing a lot of the work, that maybe you can each look after your own horse for a few weeks and see how it works out, then if there are any "cross overs" then you can work out ways to make it easier for each other.

To me, there isn't any discussion or negotiation. It's his horse - he looks after it, and you look after yours.
THIS makes sense - give it a try OP

Get up, get going, seize the day. Enjoy the sunshine, the rain, cloudy days, snowstorms, and thunder. Getting on your horse is always worth the effort.
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post #24 of 26 Old 08-22-2013, 09:41 PM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Desert from Hell, CA.
Posts: 1,399
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Ya know, since we moved last month, my hisband has taken care of what are essentially all my horses, four of them (here at the house). I've been sick, so he doesn't really complain. That said, healso takes care of my cats ( im pregnant, we are not supposed to touch cat litter), the puppies, and the chickens.

When Im feeling ok, I clean the godforsaken mess he and my son make all over the house, wash the laundry and mess of dishes and apply for jobs. Soon we will be going to school again, but I dont really expect the division of labor to change until after baby...

Anyway, my point is that we have a division of labor that is agreeable to the both of us. And thats important. You best bet we have discussions when one of us feels overwhelmed, and sometimes we modify and exchange. This is important! Dont do all the work, or you'll be STUCK doing all the work. If he won't listen or change, stop helping. Dont be a doormat, its a hard niche to break out of.

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post #25 of 26 Old 08-23-2013, 05:11 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8
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I am not turning this into a defending my bf post, like you said you dont know my bf. So i just think its darn right rude for someone to turn round to me and say if he doesnt pull his weight to get a new bf.

He helps his mum with her event horses. He knows how to look after a horse, hes not all talk because ive seen him do it before he had jasper. Im teaching him the odd things but he knows how to do things, he is just being lazy. I called him yesterday at work to tell him about his horse, his boss doesnt get that his horse needs looking after and wont let him go out of work if needed. He wasnt aloud to leave work when i had the vet out it really is awful.
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post #26 of 26 Old 08-23-2013, 05:49 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Germany- but not German =D
Posts: 5,155
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Firstly welcome.

Your BF needs to pull his socks up. Big time. Work and personal are separate, I get that. A lot of bosses are not sympathetic to allowing time off.
If you weren't around, what would he do?
You need to sit down and discuss that he needs to come up with a better plan rather than all the 'nasty' jobs falling to you and he gets the pleasure of riding.

I don't want to sound like I am against your other half, but I am against his attitude. In a couple of months, years etc down the line if you have children, is that then your sole responsibility?

He needs some house training, that is for sure ;) If he is in work at 0900, there is plenty of time to muck out, feed, turn out etc beforehand. Many hands make light work. Either that, or he can always pay someone to muck out for him. Or move to a livery yard with said horse.

Lazy is not an excuse, horses are a huge commitment and he has to understand that, and should with his background. Give him a kick up the backside and tell him to get his act together.
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