Confession Time - Page 325 - The Horse Forum
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post #3241 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 01:23 PM
Showing
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chino Valley, AZ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natisha View Post
The owner is my sister. She has had this horse off & on with me through the years. 8 years ago she moved an hour away & I told her if he ever needs to come back he could.

She called & said he had some kind of mass growing in his face & wanted him to come here to be pampered & graze. His boarding situation was less than ideal. She did not want to be here when he is PTS, I understand that.
I promised he would not suffer or become ugly.

I picked him up July 4th.The next day I had a vet out & x-rays confirmed some sort of mass. The pictures were sent to the University hospital & they suspected osteosarcoma (bone cancer) & suggested a bone biopsy which I declined because there is no treatment & why put him through that.

When he came he had little air through the left nostril & had a trickle of blood & was on antibiotics for a suspected secondary infection. He was also in the thin side.

In the short time he's been here he's gotten a bit chunky, happily grazing all day, special feed 4x a day, baths, groomed, feet fixed-he's happy. But the 'thing' has grown. There is no air movement from the left nostril, now limited from the right & the right sometimes bleeds which tells me it has crossed the septum. It has also grown up to where his left eye has much of the vision blocked.

The other day he scraped his nose on the stall wall because he didn't see it & he looked scared. There are other small things I noticed too.

My sister told the rest of the family that I was to decide 'when' but she never told me. She can't say the words. She won't or can't talk to me about it. I've tried. It became a family mess but finally resolved except my sister doesn't want to know until after the fact. Am I supposed to tell her when she shows up with a bag of carrots?

So I have been pampering him. The same day he hit his nose he was out in the pasture happily grazing until he saw me. He came running over & I could hear awful breathing & see bleeding from both nostrils. It was then I made arrangements.

Today he is still beautiful & happy. I can't wait until something terrible happens & it will, soon.

Everything is set to happen at 3 today. I can't stop crying because I feel I am killing him. I love that horse. I broke him out 25 years ago. Am I doing it too soon?

I got him some sweet feed as a last treat.

His name is Rocky (Barracazon). He's a 33 year old Arabian who has never had a heavy hand laid on him. He's still beautiful & I'm ending his life.
I feel terrible.
Oh, natisha!

I think you need to look at it as quality versus how he looks. You said several times that he appears to be suffering, through the decreased ability to breathe and the decreased vision. A prey animal who cannot see is not a happy animal. Yes, they can adapt, but sometimes, it's not about adapting, it's about doing the right thing. He's lived 33 wonderful years with you and yours. You are giving him a dignified end without pain and fear. He is feeling loved until the very end. That is all any horse can truly wish for (if they do, indeed, wish for such things). Be at peace knowing that you are doing what is best for him to prevent him from suffering or things getting worse.

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post #3242 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 01:36 PM
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Location: Central Oregon, USA
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@natisha , drat! That is such a difficult position to be in.
I have always lived by the mantra "Better a month too early than a day too late" He got spoiled and pampered and knows he was loved while he was with you. He's not deteriorated to the point of misery, but is going downhill. I think now is the right time. Let him go with some happiness left.
I don't know what to say about your sister's reaction and way of handling this, it doesn't seem fair to me, but everyone has their own grief process I suppose.

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post #3243 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 01:39 PM
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@natisha : my thoughts are with you , Natisha. I trust that you know when it's right, and you do not need to second guess that knowledge. you've earned it through experience. trust it.
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post #3244 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 01:44 PM
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Location: Ohio
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Oh Natisha, I feel so bad for and with you. You are doing the right thing, experience speaks.

My Elwood had to be put down due to a fast growing tumor in his mouth. I generally go to the barn later in the evening, often no one else is there. The last 2 months eating anything hard (including hay and pellets, apples ...) would cause a trickle of blood. I soaked pellets and cubes at home, mixed hydration hay at his door while he nickered in anticipation.

One evening I brought him in from the field and he was having a much bigger bleed. I called a friend who came shortly, the bleeding had stopped and Elwood was perky, ears forward, very happy. So we continued, except I began making firm arrangements, set the day, excavator coming, vet coming...

I arrived the very morning to find that Elwood had had a major bleed. The BO finally told me I was right - it is time.

Their Golden Retriever had come up to the house covered with blood. They though he had been shot in the shoulder. Washed off all the blood to find he was ok. So investigating the BO went out to the barn and found Elwood with his head in the aisle. The dog had been lapping up blood from the floor while being dripped on from above. :(

By this time the bleeding had stopped. I cleaned him up. He was happy, but confusion was in his eyes. We went for a last groundwork session in the arena, he was as perfect. My daughter, the vet .... arrived.

Sad but needed, although I don't feel I waited too long - another day or two, or hour or two may have been.

Hugs to you.

Elwood first day new barn Sep 2012.jpg


Last edited by anndankev; 08-26-2016 at 01:50 PM. Reason: add pic of Elwood
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post #3245 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 02:01 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Palmyra, Wisconsin
Posts: 6,161
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DraftyAiresMum View Post
Oh, natisha!

I think you need to look at it as quality versus how he looks. You said several times that he appears to be suffering, through the decreased ability to breathe and the decreased vision. A prey animal who cannot see is not a happy animal. Yes, they can adapt, but sometimes, it's not about adapting, it's about doing the right thing. He's lived 33 wonderful years with you and yours. You are giving him a dignified end without pain and fear. He is feeling loved until the very end. That is all any horse can truly wish for (if they do, indeed, wish for such things). Be at peace knowing that you are doing what is best for him to prevent him from suffering or things getting worse.
I know you're right. I'm really trying to keep those thoughts but as the clock keeps clicking away the time I'm becoming a hot mess. I don't want him to pick up on that & I don't know how to stop.
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post #3246 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 02:11 PM
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Location: Palmyra, Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karliejaye View Post
@natisha , drat! That is such a difficult position to be in.
I have always lived by the mantra "Better a month too early than a day too late" He got spoiled and pampered and knows he was loved while he was with you. He's not deteriorated to the point of misery, but is going downhill. I think now is the right time. Let him go with some happiness left.
I don't know what to say about your sister's reaction and way of handling this, it doesn't seem fair to me, but everyone has their own grief process I suppose.
I don't think it's fair either. She knows this is hard for me. She had a good time on a family vacation while I did death watch over her horse.
I agreed to letting him be PTS & buried here. Little did I know the decision would be mine. I could have said no but knowing my sister he would have been hidden in a stall until he died. She cannot make the call with any animal-ever.
I did it for Rocky.
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post #3247 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 02:18 PM
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Location: Palmyra, Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyliny View Post
@natisha : my thoughts are with you , Natisha. I trust that you know when it's right, and you do not need to second guess that knowledge. you've earned it through experience. trust it.
Thank you. Part of me feels guilty. Am I doing this because it needs to be done now or because I'm afraid of having to confront something worse? I have visions of that 'thing' letting loose & finding him drowning in his own blood or suffocating. My imagination can run wild sometimes.
I'm hoping my vet confirms my decision.
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post #3248 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 02:19 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Palmyra, Wisconsin
Posts: 6,161
• Horses: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by anndankev View Post
Oh Natisha, I feel so bad for and with you. You are doing the right thing, experience speaks.

My Elwood had to be put down due to a fast growing tumor in his mouth. I generally go to the barn later in the evening, often no one else is there. The last 2 months eating anything hard (including hay and pellets, apples ...) would cause a trickle of blood. I soaked pellets and cubes at home, mixed hydration hay at his door while he nickered in anticipation.

One evening I brought him in from the field and he was having a much bigger bleed. I called a friend who came shortly, the bleeding had stopped and Elwood was perky, ears forward, very happy. So we continued, except I began making firm arrangements, set the day, excavator coming, vet coming...

I arrived the very morning to find that Elwood had had a major bleed. The BO finally told me I was right - it is time.

Their Golden Retriever had come up to the house covered with blood. They though he had been shot in the shoulder. Washed off all the blood to find he was ok. So investigating the BO went out to the barn and found Elwood with his head in the aisle. The dog had been lapping up blood from the floor while being dripped on from above. :(

By this time the bleeding had stopped. I cleaned him up. He was happy, but confusion was in his eyes. We went for a last groundwork session in the arena, he was as perfect. My daughter, the vet .... arrived.

Sad but needed, although I don't feel I waited too long - another day or two, or hour or two may have been.

Hugs to you.

Attachment 823682
Thank you for sharing your sad story. I hope I can be as strong as you were.
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post #3249 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 03:10 PM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,441
• Horses: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by natisha View Post
. He's still beautiful
I feel terrible.
we all feel that way when it is time, but I bolded the reason why it is absolutely the right thing. He is still beautiful, and he still has his dignity. To me it is far more important that my animals go out with grace, than in a shrunken world where they cannot see or breathe or whatever the case may be. I am thinking about you.

FYI, it is spelled W-H-O-A.
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post #3250 of 12620 Old 08-26-2016, 03:26 PM
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 2,664
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@natisha , I'm so sorry. It sucks that your sister is putting this on you, and I hope she is very grateful for the painful decision you are making on her and her horse's behalf. You have done him the greatest kindness we can give our animals, which is to end their suffering when it gets to be too much.
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