There isn't much I can say I've never had to deal with personality disorders and sounds like something for trained professionals to help you with. We can offer support as you try to get through this but we can't parent for you.
As far as the punishment thing goes, my parents never "punished" us either, at least in the way you guys are talking about (spanking, grounding, taking away our stuff), but the disposition of all the kids in my family is to mouth off, NOT physical harm or throw a tantrum/scream. Once my brother accidentally broke our nanny's glasses when he was mad (running around or something I don't remember) so my mom made him pay for new ones (it was like $200 and he wasn't even 10) you can bet he made sure to never break someone else's stuff again, on accident or on purpose, but that is because his "punishment" made sense, it was logical and the "real world" consequences for his actions.
"I don't think he ever gave a thought to other people's opinions, which was just as well because they were often unkind."
-- James Herriot, All Creatures Great and Small