Disappointed, appalled, and just ranting in general... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 6 Old 07-08-2013, 12:29 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
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Disappointed, appalled, and just ranting in general...

I've been having a really hard time dealing with the passing of my horse Bagheera. I miss him like crazy and I'm sick of being disappointed and appalled by the things people have said/suggested to me since his passing. The most recent incident is from someone I never would have expected to be so insensitive. My cousin's girlfriend, who I am super close with, knows I have been having a hard time. She asked me why I don't just pay to ride another horse. I'm floored. Absolutely floored. She fosters dogs rescued from puppy mills. If one of her personal dogs, or even foster dogs, passed away, I would never tell her to go play with the neighbor's dog or adopt another dog. I am just shocked and disappointed at everyone's insensitivity. Two days after he passed, I already had people asking me to share board/partial lease their horses. A supposed friend tried to sell me her problem gelding, and several people have suggested I just buy another horse. I'm just so disgusted and angry by the responses I've been getting. Many people have been supportive, but so many people seem to lack compassion. Im just fed up. I don't even no how to respond anymore.

Strength is not defined by physical ability. It is determined by your actions and the compassion of your soul.
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post #2 of 6 Old 07-08-2013, 12:42 AM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Missouri
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Some people cope by being around horses as a distraction...not necessarily as a "replacement"

Evenso I'm sorry you feel this way. No doubt Bagheera was special to you and very close to your heart. He will be missed, and you should give yourself time to heal and time to reflect on all the fun you had.

That being said, though, please don't wallow in pain :( at least not alone. Find someone to share your grief with you, whether that be a person or an animal.

When I lost my gerbil in a really devastating way I found comfort in my cat. He was there for me, endured my tears and my hugs.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #3 of 6 Old 07-08-2013, 12:46 AM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Southern Indiana
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I'm very sorry that you're having to through the grief of losing a beloved horse.

25 years ago my son was stillborn and I too had to go through people saying things that just made me want to smack the crap out of them. Finally I had to sit myself down and think about my reactions.

Did they say inappropriate things? Well, yes they did, but they weren't saying those things out of meanness or because they didn't care. Just the opposite, they did care and could see how much I was hurting and they wanted to ease my pain. However, they couldn't really relate because they had never lost a child. I discovered only people who had really knew the right things to say.

So give your friends a pass on this and understand even though they aren't saying or doing the right things, they are only trying to come up with suggestions that THEY THINK will help you because it's hurting them to see you hurt.
anndankev, boots and 5Bijou5 like this.
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post #4 of 6 Old 07-08-2013, 12:52 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
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I'm riding two to four days a week. Being around horses definitely helps. I know they aren't trying to be insensitive, but I'm just tired of people not thinking before they speak. It's driving me crazy. Even before I lost my horse, I never would have responded to someone else's loss the way some people are responding to mine. It just hurts.

Strength is not defined by physical ability. It is determined by your actions and the compassion of your soul.
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post #5 of 6 Old 07-08-2013, 01:11 AM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Missouri
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Hugs hugs and more hugs <3

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #6 of 6 Old 07-08-2013, 01:14 AM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southeastern PA
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I hear you. I have not lost a horse, while I still owned it, but 2.5 years ago, I lost my dog. I was a wreck.
I can remember someone telling me that 'I was taking this hard'. Yes (curse words) my world felt like it was ending.

Others said 'sorry', well how do you respond to that when you are sorry to. It sure as heck isn't my job to reassure them, that's reversed.

I was angry at those people, as there's so much anger, and we need to place it somewhere.

Oddly, I didn't want another dog, but my old girl fell apart and wouldn't leave my feet. She's always with me, but not against my skin that way. So two months later, I got Wink, a one eyed dog. I wasn't ready for him, but my old girl needed someone. And you know, he helps. I never would have thought he would, but he does.

He does things, like the dog I lost. I don't have a fenced in yard, but my Oscar used to just lay down when the sun was out, and you couldn't move him even on a leash without really pulling. Wink does that too. How would he know that? Maybe I am nuts, it's just odd. He also eats the little piles I create from sweeping. Oscar did that too.

I still miss the hell out of Oscar, but Wink has created his own area in my heart, and it helps, a lot. No dog in the world will replace Oscar, and I would give anything for another day with him, but Wink has helped.

I think when people say things, they mean well, they just don't say it well.

Hugs and love for your loss. And this poem helped me.
"If Tears Could Build A Stairway"

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.
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