Down and out?
Lately, this snow has just kinda of gotten me a bit down. This year is going to be a big year for me. When show season starts in July with our first draft show at a local fair, I will be showing nonstop till like mid-end Sept. I am just getting back to learning to ride. I ultimately want to be riding some form of english, i know a lot of people would be proud/impressed if i do. It's mainly to make the guy who has really taken me under his wing proud. He has really made me realize what i'm doing wrong and what i need to do. He's helped me so so so much! It's his percherons/haflingers i'll be showing this year along with mine.
However, with all this snow i have litterally not been able to ride in like 2 months. It's killing me because i feel like i should be out there every day riding so that i can get confident enough to ride in an english saddle and start learning to post. Sure there has been a couple of nice weekends (i can't ride on weekdays because i am taking 3 AP courses on top of my other honors courses so i have a lot of homework and i am not going to let me really high grades slip when i'm this close to being done with school. Blasted short days!!!) though those weekends are filled with doing things like taking the SATs or other things like that, and when i get home i'm just exhausted. But when i get a weekend i'm NOT doing something it snows and is like 25 out!
I want to so badly be riding at least hunt seat. I don't care if i do it amazingly well, i don't care if i get dead last in my classes, but i would have done it, a complete 360 from last year. I would have tried and stuck to what i said i would do. I am by no means going to rush things. If it's going to be unsafe, i certainly won't do it, but i want to try. Then I also want to be out there driving my horse getting in sync with her and i'm just so anxious for it. Its my FAVORITE thing to do at a show!!. Plus i want to do the whole obstacle course this year : P.
Plus our friend, the one i mentioned before, is going to have me come down at the end of march and all through out april to hopefully drive the team more and practice for my prom thing which i'm also excited about. I guess i just feel like i'm being lazy and like i'm a horrible person for it. I just want so badly for this year to be my year, to show them i have been paying attention and that i am improving. I want to go to all these shows like Ohio state and what not and show them i am a serious contendor. Is it normal to feel this or am i being just irrational? Is it too much to just want to do well? I def. plan to just work my butt off in the spring and since i have no school in June, i'm going to just work with them nonstop.
i'm sorry for all that, i just need to rant and get it out there. Cookies to all those who got through that