Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: British Columbia
If Horses Sold Themselves
$1000 Best. Horse. Ever.
Konichiwa compadres. Are you looking for the most kick-asshorse that ever lived? If so, look no further. You found him. Iím a15-year-old professional packer with experience at bad-*** barns in the United States of AMERICA. Thatís right! I graduated from Penn National racetrack, and moved to NYCat the tender age of five. After deciding that New York was a raginístink hole, I moved back to Pennsylvania to cultivate more professionalexperience on the A circuit. Why? So I can pack your *ss around the show ringand not have to post crap like this on Craigslist.
Anyway, so I lost my job in the recession and I have no cluewhere to live. Honestly, Iíve got three weeks of board left, so I donít give a rats behind if I have to sleep in your round pen.
A bit about me: Iím respectful, quiet, clean and I wonít touch any of your crap. If you leave a bucket of oats outside mystall at night, Iím just like, ďSweet Jesus, I better not mess withthis crap, because itís not mine.Ē
Iím never lame. I donít eat much. Iím alwaysready to work. Heck. Iíll even do ALL THE WORK for you. Thatís right! My dad is an international champion and taught me everything there is to know about show jumping. Iíll memorize the course, make ridiculously tight turns, and jump at least six inches higher than the jump. Iíll makeyou look like a superstar. EVERY. SINGLE. CLASS.
Donít want to run at jumps? Thatís FANTASTIC! Iíll canter on the slowest 12í stride you ever imagined and find the distances for you. Imagine all the ribbons youíll win!
Do you like trail rides? I LOVE TRAIL RIDES. I can ride the crap out of trails. Water, ditches, gates. Whatever. You want to go there. Itís my lifeís mission to take you. Or we donít have to go ona trail ride ever. Itís completely UP TO YOU!
A lot of people ask me, ďHey, youíre a Thoroughbred. Aren't you crazy?Ē And, the answer to that question is, no. Iím not crazy. Iím not even judgmental. I LOVE PEOPLE. I want to help human beings for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion, sexual preference, or personal hygiene. Pretty cool right?
I own almost nothing! Last I checked, I had a halter and leadrope with my name on it. I have one pair of shoes. You can HAVE THEM. See?! Iím the most considerate horse youíve ever met. Iím offering to give you things already!
Am I interested in your barn? You bet my nomadic *** I am! I only require a bit of grass, four fences, water and a tree to shelter me from the elements. Anything beyond that will be considered a bonus.
Iím taking being a show horse to the next level. Email me! Iíll hook you up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of PonyClub trophies and a list of the top 10 things Iíd like to eat before I die. If you want a next-generation horse that consistently blows your mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. Iíll give you the ride of your life.
Live as if you were to die tomorrow, Learn as if you were to live forever. Ghandi