Father has gotten me into financial mess with horse - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 10:23 AM
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Cool off and then sit down with your dad and talk, no pointing fingers or blaming. Try negotiating with him without being defensive. Maybe (if you already don't) helping out at your dad's gym could sweeten the deal?

I see parents shell out big bucks for their kids to play football, soccer, cheerleading, etc. go to tournaments and camps, whatever it takes for that kid to play sports. They don't owe the kids to play sports or cheer, yet they do it. But, when it comes to a horse, they expect the kid to pay for everything!
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post #12 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 10:30 AM
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Speaking as a daughter, I know how difficult it can be when your expectations are not met. And maybe you were extremely upset when you posted this thread and don't really mean it. But there was NEVER a time I would have even considered saying what you did about my mother. She always paid my horse bills in return for me taking care of all the horses. The word you need to learn, like much of the world these days, is RESPECT!

Speaking as a parent, if I ever found out that my son had posted anything similar to what you have, regardless of how upset he was at the time, it would be time for some major tough-love. His punishment when he goes too far, and it's only happened once, is that he loses EVERYTHING he does not need in order to survive. He still knows I love him, he still eats nutritious food, and he still has shelter and clothing. However, he doesn't get food he necessarily likes, he doesn't get his favorite clothes or hair gel (it would include makeup if he were a girl), and he certainly doesn't get to do ANYTHING he considers fun. I make him work doing physically demanding, tedious, and often disgusting jobs to earn back each thing he has lost. Does he hate me? No. He has learned to respect me and my rules. He does still talk back sometimes and act like any other kid, but he knows the limits, and when I tell him he's getting close, he already starts working his little butt off.

Your father's money is your father's money. What he chooses to do for you, as long as your basic needs are met, is his decision. Anything he provides for you should be met with gratitude and respect. One thing my kid has learned is to thank me for the things I do for him. And you know what? That makes me more inclined to do for him when I can.

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post #13 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 11:24 AM
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Just because a person has money - regardless if they're a relative - doesn't obligate them to spend it in any way. Even if it's for another relative.

That being said, I think most people DON'T have insurance on their horses.
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post #14 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 11:51 AM
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Olivia,

I'm going to take a slightly different approach to your question.

I think all the other posters have correctly chided you for feeling your father owes you something and your entitlement mentality; so I won't play "pile on the rabbit."

I also think that in commenting on that, many posters have missed that you are trying to be a responsible horse owner and make sure your horse is provided for, for which I commend you.

So correct me if I'm wrong, the situation is you thought your father would help with either insurance or vet bills, and he's backed out? And you have some money saved for emergency vet bills, but not the amount you'd be comfortable with?

I would say that if your horse's value is under $10,000., you need either the emergency fund or the insurance, not necessarily both. Here's why - basic mortality insurance on the horse requires that you pay for surgery, most commonly colic surgery, before they'll pay on a mortality claim. So if you have a $5K horse, the insurance company my require you to pay for an $8K surgery before they'll pay the $5K for the horse. The options are pay for major medical insurance on top of the mortality, which is quite expensive, or to not insure but to build up an emergency fund.

If the very worst happens, and your horse colics and you have to make a decision whether or not to send the horse for surgery, you will have to deal with that then. If you do not have the money to pay for colic surgery, or decide not to for other reasons, that does not make you a bad or irresponsible owner. Not all colics are good surgery candidates, and it doesn't make sense to treat some colic cases that way. Same thing with major lameness that impact long term soundness; you'll make that decision based on the circumstances, you don't automatically send every case to surgery.

You have enough money saved to pay the vet bills for a non-surgical colic, or for a minor or moderate lameness or a wound. That's a good start, and better than many horse owners.

What makes a bad or irresponsible owner is not being able to provide BASIC veterinary care, or allowing the horse to suffer because they don't have money for the vet. Unless I've missed something, that is not your situation.

I would focus your energy on continuing to build your emergency fund, and continuing to build your horsemanship. Insurance is terrific to have, but there are other options - it doesn't make sense for some horses and some situations. If you have a nice pleasure/Pony Club/local show horse as opposed to a serious show horse with a competition it may NOT be the best route.

The best way to deal with your father backing out of his promise is to be smart, independent and self sufficient. I don't think your situation warrants you selling your horse; just continue building your emergency fund as best you can.
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post #15 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 12:18 PM
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I think Maura covered it pretty well before I was about to blow my lid
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post #16 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 12:39 PM
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If you said any of this stuff to your dad, he'd either beat your behind, ground you or just up and sell the horse. And he'd be justified. So, now that you've blown off steam sit down and think a minute about where you're really at financially.

You said you have money set aside for a vet bill, that's good. You want insurance and that's not bad but it's pretty pricey and most folks go without it, even on expensive show horses, because you can pay a lot of vet costs with the amount of money you'd spend insuring your horse every year.

With most horse insurance it covers only so much, for instance $7500, and you have to pay a deductible probably $500 and a portion of the costs. Right now I'm leasing out a mare that I valued at $10K, her mortality insurance is $275/year, her major medical for $7500 coverage with a $500 deductible is $275/year (and they only pay "usual and customary" which is generally NOT as much as the vet charges and you're liable for the rest) and Loss of Use which is $200/year and pays 50% of her value if she is injured to the point of not being usable but not needing euthanasia. In other words, they'll pay me $5000 and give me a pasture puff for the rest of her life. So, before they even get on the horse, the lessee paid $750 out of pocket for 1 year insurance and that doesn't cover ANY of the routine care like floating teeth or vaccinations.

IMO, horse is at home and in your control all the time, you can very easily do without it. I do not insure all of my horses that stay at home, not even the stallion. I do have a vet fund set aside for emergencies and I save up the money yearly to pay for vaccinations and teeth floating, just like I have a farrier fund, hay fund, tack fund and so on.
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post #17 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 01:17 PM
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And THIS is one of the huge problems in America.

Youth think they are entitled to have everything.

Just because your father is rich, doesn't mean he has to give ANY money to you. Yes, it was wrong of him if he did indeed promise to pay the horse insurance but now he is backing out, but welcome to real life. It's harsh.

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post #18 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 01:25 PM
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Well said, Maura.
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post #19 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 01:51 PM
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She is not in America, but Australia, so apparently it is a global problem.

nancy
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post #20 of 105 Old 05-26-2013, 02:24 PM
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I agree that you are trying to be responsible in deciding what's best for your horses future now that you can't afford the insurance :) I think that's good, and you must be disappointed, as you did mention that your dad told you he'd pay for the insurance. But things don't always work out, and for many reasons, parents might not be able to help you out anymore, so in that respect it's always best to not buy a horse unless you can afford it with your own money :(
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