Father has gotten me into financial mess with horse - Page 8 - The Horse Forum
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post #71 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 12:12 AM
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The Dad may be a jerk. Or he may not be. He isn't here to defend himself.

But here is something you can take to the bank: Crapping on a parent and calling your parent names in public won't impress many people. If your parent has hurt you, shut up and deal with life.

Between about 17 & 25, my two oldest kids thought I was a complete & total jerk. Not constantly, but often enough. Now they are 27 & 30, have kids of their own, and they both give me credit for trying. They also understand now that perfection as a parent doesn't happen.

If you are 16 and you want to dump on your parent(s)...I can't stop you. But you won't find many adults who will respect you for complaining.
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Riders ask "How?" Horsemen ask "Why?"
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post #72 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 12:13 AM
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Olivia, I'm sorry that you're dealing with all this at your age. It has to be rough. I know about promises made and broken by the people you are supposed to be able to trust the most. I was much more fortunate than many, having the mother I did.

There are a couple things I'd like you to think about. The first is that whatever you post on the internet stays on the internet. People often think of it as a safe place to vent, due to the anonymity. And it generally is. I think your original post has gotten the reaction it has due to the emotions you expressed. Again, I don't know if you meant them or not, and you are CERTAINLY entitled to your feelings. If you haven't already, I would strongly encourage you to talk to a counselor or therapist. Someone who doesn't already know you and have preconceived notions about you or your living arrangements.

And that leads me to the second thing I want you to think about. There are people out there that you can trust. The hardest part is finding them. I learned that one from three decades of experience. One of the people I trust the most is my therapist. I might not like what she's telling me, but I know it's the truth. I am that way with my friends, and while they might not appreciate it in the moment, they know that I won't lie and that I have their best interests in mind. I hope you can at least find some friends that you can talk to.

I am confused on one thing at the moment, and I'm sorry if you've already addressed it. I'm very tired. Is it insurance or agistment your father won't pay for?

Again, I'm sorry you're in the situation that you are, but I think you would be better served to not put things on the internet while you're so upset.

If you want to get things done with your horse, there are options. I missed why your horse is restricted to light riding. I hope he (she?) will be okay. If it's the cost of agistment he won't pay for, would a lessor pay for it? I know you said free lease, but it's an option. And if your horse is kid safe, it should be a very attractive option. You could have a conversation with your father without getting overly emotional. (I know how hard this can be. I'm still learning and I'm almost twice your age.) Maybe you could write a list of points you want to discuss and practice them before the actual conversation. Have all the research done so if he asks you a question, you can answer quickly and confidently. He still may not give you what you want or what he promised, and that sucks. It really does. I know you said you're in year 11 and you don't have a lot of free time for working a part time job. Maybe you could get together with someone and brainstorm ways to make the amount of money you need. Could you work off at least part of your agistment?

It sounds like you're going through the painful process of growing up. I'm glad you want to do what's best for your horse, and I wish you luck.

Learning never stops
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post #73 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 12:34 AM
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For anyone else who was wondering:

agist [uh-jist] verb (used with object): to feed or pasture (livestock) for a fee
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post #74 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 12:53 AM
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pretty much rent a paddock LOL
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post #75 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 02:00 AM Thread Starter
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Its a difficult past to explain i wasn't take away from my father i was taken away from my mother. When i said previously he didn't pay for my basic needs it meant he didn't pay for child care.

Only reason i believed his promises was that he promised, and i thought he had felt bad because he had not supported me much at all with the horse thing.

I dont even know how to talk to my father about this without getting angry, when i promise something i do it considering, its not life threatening. I am very different from my relatives.

I do have a counsiller and i am good for the supportive, nice people in my family.

My horse has a tilted pelvis due to conformation which is not a bad issue at all if shes just doing moderate work, but by being in foal once it has caused an abnormal slight tilt of the pelvis, so that is a bit bad. She may be suited only to light riding or moderate riding it depends if her pelvis goes to its original state and if she is in any pain.

At the moment she is in no pain and she has had a massage. Her posture from being in foal should change back to normal and if i take good care of her she should improve. Ive only had her for 2 weeks so she has lack of muscle and needs a tad more weight but i cant let her get to fat because her feet need more improving, and the farrier said if her feet had been left any longer she might have foundered and gotten really lame.

If i get a half lease/full lease than i will be able to afford her, myself completely and have allot of money saved up for vet bills.

My Dad should pay me back the 1,200 $ otherwise the otherside of family, will be on his back because they understand what he promised and what i had arranged with him.

The foolish reject what they see, not what they think,
The wise reject what they think, not what they see.
-Huang Po
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post #76 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 02:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OliviaMyee View Post
Its a difficult past to explain i wasn't take away from my father i was taken away from my mother. When i said previously he didn't pay for my basic needs it meant he didn't pay for child care.

Only reason i believed his promises was that he promised, and i thought he had felt bad because he had not supported me much at all with the horse thing.

I dont even know how to talk to my father about this without getting angry, when i promise something i do it considering, its not life threatening. I am very different from my relatives.

I do have a counsiller and i am good for the supportive, nice people in my family.

My horse has a tilted pelvis due to conformation which is not a bad issue at all if shes just doing moderate work, but by being in foal once it has caused an abnormal slight tilt of the pelvis, so that is a bit bad. She may be suited only to light riding or moderate riding it depends if her pelvis goes to its original state and if she is in any pain.

At the moment she is in no pain and she has had a massage. Her posture from being in foal should change back to normal and if i take good care of her she should improve. Ive only had her for 2 weeks so she has lack of muscle and needs a tad more weight but i cant let her get to fat because her feet need more improving, and the farrier said if her feet had been left any longer she might have foundered and gotten really lame.

If i get a half lease/full lease than i will be able to afford her, myself completely and have allot of money saved up for vet bills.

My Dad should pay me back the 1,200 $ otherwise the otherside of family, will be on his back because they understand what he promised and what i had arranged with him.
Unfortunately based on what you described about your mare, insurance may not even cover her. If there is an existing condition, it is usually excluded from the policy. Insurance companies have strict parameters on what they will cover- if your mare doesn't get the vet seal of approval, a company probably won't give you coverage anyways :/
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post #77 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 02:10 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by tbcrazy View Post
Unfortunately based on what you described about your mare, insurance may not even cover her. If there is an existing condition, it is usually excluded from the policy. Insurance companies have strict parameters on what they will cover- if your mare doesn't get the vet seal of approval, a company probably won't give you coverage anyways :/
im going to have to get a vet check soon to see if her posture and pelvis is improving after some couple of weeks of riding, I will ask the vet if any insurance will cover her and than i can find out if shes suitable to be leased.

My Dad isn't saying he will stop paying agistment, so ill try and get him to sign a contract than ill be able to see if he was lying about paying agistment to !

The foolish reject what they see, not what they think,
The wise reject what they think, not what they see.
-Huang Po
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post #78 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 02:15 AM
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Originally Posted by OliviaMyee View Post
im going to have to get a vet check soon to see if her posture and pelvis is improving after some couple of weeks of riding, I will ask the vet if any insurance will cover her and than i can find out if shes suitable to be leased.

My Dad isn't saying he will stop paying agistment, so ill try and get him to sign a contract than ill be able to see if he was lying about paying agistment to !
Good idea talking to the vet. An insurance company will be more helpful in giving you an idea on what they will cover or not though- vets tend to write down what they see- then it is up to the individual company to decide coverage. A mare I picked up last year turned something up when I had her exam done- she had a slight heart murmur. The vet told me "Don't bother sending this insurance application in, they won't cover you." Tough to hear, and surprised me a bit, but I appreciated the honesty!
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post #79 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 02:18 AM
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It all sounds a bit tough. I know some people think the OP isn't coming across well, but being 16 can be super hard.

Once you're an adult and you have the opportunity to make your own choices at least you can be responsible for your life, but as a kid your power pretty much rests in what your parents have and what they will do for you, or let you do. So while it's really easy to say that people should pay for all their own horses, not expect anything from there parents, well that might work well and fine in some places and families, but mostly I think its people expecting adult behaviour in people who frankly aren't adults. They don't have the opportunities, the means or responsibility of adults.

It sucks that your dad said he'd do all these things and he didn't. My family used to say they'd do things, but when the time came they wouldn't. In the end I'd hope for their help, but plan not to get it. And that's the best way to do things. Plan for the scenario that you can control and that you are responsible for, and anything else extra you get is a bonus.

You don't need vet insurance, I've had horses for many years and never had it, and few people with horses under $5000 or so have it. Just not worth it. Especially if your horse already has problems.

Second thing is, being a minor you can't actually own a horse, so the horse is your parents/guardians whether they like it or not. In that way they are responsible for the horse's care.

In a way owning a horse at your age isn't the greatest of ideas anyway. At your age you can make your own decisions but don't have the means to shape your world. You've got a lot of school work and a lot riding on how well you do. You have a future that you have to choose and work towards and for the next few years its going to be all work and no money. So consider if it's worth all this trouble. If you lease out or sell your horse would you be able to use someone else's horse on weekends or something?
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post #80 of 105 Old 05-27-2013, 02:19 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tbcrazy View Post
Good idea talking to the vet. An insurance company will be more helpful in giving you an idea on what they will cover or not though- vets tend to write down what they see- then it is up to the individual company to decide coverage. A mare I picked up last year turned something up when I had her exam done- she had a slight heart murmur. The vet told me "Don't bother sending this insurance application in, they won't cover you." Tough to hear, and surprised me a bit, but I appreciated the honesty!
Do you think if i make her safe to be ridden with and around children she may find a good home ? With the tilted pelvis thing. She has been used as a lead rein pony, and trail ride horse but im not sure if its better to advertise as a paddock pet/companion because if she all of a sudden went lame than people could say that i lied about her.

The foolish reject what they see, not what they think,
The wise reject what they think, not what they see.
-Huang Po
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