Feeling so sad that horse will be leaving
The horse I bought 3 years ago that had such promise as my" last forever horse" ended up being dx'd with EPSM and mild kissing spine a year after he came here. The last few times I rode him, he was a completely different horse than before he became symptomatic, would tense completely when I got on, taking a bucking fit when I got off. I had a young and very light rider work him over the late summer and fall, and he did well with her. My vet and I came to the conclusion he has a weight limit, and the disease requires him to have mild regular exercise, which I am not able to provide.
So, I found a 7 year old girl, friend of a friend, that wants to free lease him as "her horse" to teach her to ride, which he will be amazing at. They've met, and they are a great match. It's a good thing, all around. He'll be going to them in a month, they are 15 minutes away, and they are wonderful people. I was lucky to find them.
But, my heart is breaking. I have had a bad run of luck since building my place 8 years ago. The horse I moved here with, and did it all for, was dx'd with an old broken hip 9 months after moving in, and was ultimately retired shortly thereafter. I had 2 horses that were too much for me, one that was dangerous on the ground and shook me of my confidence, a sweet mare that got me back in the saddle after him, but after one year of ownership, had health issue after health issue, ultimately dx'd with cushings and had to be retired. She ended up back with her original owner to live her days out. I was then given a wonderful older gelding whom I rode all last year, but he became regularly lame in the fall, and has had a tough winter with the hard and rutty footing. Sometimes I feel like there's writing on the wall I should be reading, give up the horse thing, and move on.
Which I can't do because it is so in my blood and all I really want to do. I have health issues with my stomach and spine that interfere on top of all the horse obstacles, but, when it's good, it's fantastic.
Last fall a friend of a friend fell on hard times, and offered her 10 year old to me, a horse with promise and a solid foundation, who I fell in love with. He's been in training for a couple months after working out hoof/shoe issues, and will be coming home just around the time my other boy will be leaving.
This boy I'm parting with is the last tie to my first and forever horse, so I'm sure that's part of it. I've had him the longest of the horses here, which I know makes him a bit more special next to the one that is new to me. The new guy's training is not as great as the one I am parting with; he is an amazing ride when he was healthy. Moves off the lightest aids. The new guy, not so much. I'm trying not to compare and be bummed, and i know it is a journey. I'm just feeling heartsick, and I think that it's all snowballing back to when my first love got dx'd with the broken hip (after 6 years of trial and error).
It is a good set up for him, the young girl, and myself, and I *know* this. But, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with sadness as I spend these last few weeks with him before he goes to his new home. I feel a little stupid, wish it wasn't hitting me so hard. I know once I have my new guy here to work with, I will be on a better path. Just feeling so bummed that I am having to part with yet another horse due to issues beyond my control, and some days, the heartache makes me think about quitting.