Gotta rant about my Mom and her non horse support - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 20 Old 03-08-2010, 09:23 PM
Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by HalfPass View Post
Is it really to much to ask for a kind word every now and again?
-Misery loves company-

No. Regardless of what she has gone through and regardless of the reasons she is upset with you spending good money for a good reason, you are her daughter and she should be happy to see you so happy.

You have gone through a lot in your life and it makes perfect sense to me that you have such an attachment to something as therapeutic as horses(even if you had led a happy and easy life).

You are happy and that's what she should focus on instead of being unhappy. Knowing how mothers function, I have a feeling like this would probably be a lost cause, but have you sat down and tried to sit with her and talk about why she is so upset with horses?

Sometimes nothing can be done and people just do what they do, simply because they are unhappy with their life.

Keep doing what you love and don't ever give it up because someone tells you to. This affects you and your husband, end of story. It's unfortunate she feels the need to be negative.
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post #12 of 20 Old 03-08-2010, 09:40 PM
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Location: Eventing Country
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You're not alone HalfPass.

My Parents never supported my horse passion either, I had to do alot on my own. I learnt how to mow lawns, pull weeds, babysit, house sit, pet sit, walk dogs, wash cars - whatever it was I could do, to make money to ride.

My Parents would never buy me a horse, so I had to Free Lease horses I could get my hands on, which most of the time, that meant backyard, green broke horses - but I got er done.

My Father was born on a very large cattle ranch that was in the family for generations. Built in the early 1800's, where his father was born, and his fathers father..etc, etc, etc.

He was raised that you work from Dawn to Dusk, and if you aren't brining food to the table, you are not a man - and my Mother, being his Wife, supported him.

My Dad said, that horses are a waste of time, you cannot make money riding or being involved with horses and if you got hurt on a horse, that would impede your progress to make and earn money. But yet, I did it on my own.

Now that I live on my own, my Husband is supportive and I have him at least *heart* my Parents still disaprove of my passion for horses. Heck, when Nelson Coliced, my Dad was ready to send money to have him put to sleep - and when he made it through that horrible situation, my Parents were quick to tell me to get rid of him because he's only a burdon financially.

I cannot talk horse at all with them, I cannot share my accomplishments with them when horses are involved - but so be it.

I do not allow that stop me :) You just have to keep doing what you love, and what is right for you and what your soul tells you. If horses make you shine, then so be it. You are around horses for you, no one else. Only you can make that decision, no one else.

I am 33, and still ga-ga over horses and still going strong :)

LOL, I remember growing up, my Parents tried to get my interest in other activities. They put me in Baton Twirling, they put me in Tap Dancing, Bowling, Figure Skating, Ballet, Guitar Lessons, Tennis, Curling - I would give them a go, but I always ended up back with horses :) What can I say? LOL.

You have to do what is right for you - period, end of story. One day, I'll have my own Eventing Facility, my own Students, my own property and then I can say "Nanna nanna boo boo" and shake my butt. :) :)

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post #13 of 20 Old 03-08-2010, 11:42 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Western US
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OMG you all are totally awesome!
Wild Spot....interestingly, my mom and I are much closer than my dad and i. My Dad and I but heads alot! But because I have managed to approach things calmly and realistickly he has done the same.

I called my mom on the way home from college tonight. I did not mention the horses. Just had our normal evening phone chat.

I had to read one sentence you wrote 2 times because it totally made me smile and laugh...
I don't have a hubby but if I ever do he will get the horsey stuff or it aint happening! lol
I get it tho. she is only thinking about what she feel is best for me.
And I do know that deep down she is very happy I am happy. But...once again when it comes to the ponies...forget it.

My folks wouldn't get me a horse either. I took lessons, but they wouldnt let me lease a horse either.
I was a bit of a "jerk" when growing up and later in my teens took a really hard path. My Mother signed me out of school leagaly at age 13 0r 14. I worked at a burger king. LOL
Soon I got a job working with a lady riding horses and feeding horses. And like you I rode all the naughty horses and worked all the horses that were challenging.
My firend, Lisa, who I recently reconnected with and found actually lives 50 miles from me, used to play the dirtiest tricks on me when it came to riding. She would assign me horses to work. Sometimes new ones from newer customers. She would tell me they were such great mounts....ha...not the case they had all sorts of issues.
In the end I developed a good seat and people wanted me to ride their horses.

Even back in those younger days my parents were the same as yours. They tried the entire tennis thing with me too. I hate tennis. My daad would send me out to the court to hit balls with the ball machine and to be definat I would point it straight in the air and leave!

needless to say, all the years I lived without horses in my life because I was on a hard bad road, i longed and missed them like I cant explain.

When I got my self straightened out, I had a horse I rode for a year or so back in 2002. Then I ended up injured about 2 years after that. I was a mess physically for 5 years.
So when my gelding came I was just getting over all that garbage.

Now...I ride about 6-8 + hours a week. They are so ingrained in my blood and bones they will never ever leave.

They are my freedom and joy from all the hustle bustle and crud life throws at us.
Oh if I did not have them to turn too when I am happy sad or what ever.
They get me and I get them.
as for the family well they will get over it.
This thread and the people here have helped me to get a start at working on it.
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post #14 of 20 Old 03-08-2010, 11:45 PM
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Carolina
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I find it sad that so many mothers aren't supporting their daughters. I have 3 daughters and I hope I can support them in no matter what they want. My own mother didn't really support me with Major at first. Major got really hurt one day, and I called her so she could call my uncle whom is a rancher, and I was crying so hard it took me 15 minutes to tell her what was wrong. Major had been severely kicked and bitten. He had about a 11 inch gash, that was an inch deep and a huge bite area that was the size of a softball. When I called her, as soon as she said hello I started sobbing...I was scarred out of my mind. Because of that situation, she finally realized how important Major is to me. I think your mom's experiences with horses has all been bad. I think you need to show her the good in them and show her how much they mean to you.
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post #15 of 20 Old 03-09-2010, 09:00 AM
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: West Cork, Ireland
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Originally Posted by HalfPass View Post
Is it really to much to ask for a kind word every now and again?
You have my sympathies, I have a dysfunctional relationship with my family, for all of my life I've been fighting with my mother about everything, she was furious at me for wanting to buy a pony when I was a teenager, then forced me to sell her again so that I could take a job - the job fell through so I was left with nothing (I'd spent all the pony money on new stuff for my job) and my mother laughed in my face.

I could go on for hours with other examples of her cruelty to me.

I don't even think of her as my mother any more, it's easier to take the crap that way.

Strangely enough since my father died, she's had a personality transplant and is actually quite pleasant now...

Good luck to you HP, and your mare, I hope everything works out with her.

And remember, you're not alone! ((Hugs))

"Did I not just use the word 'puzzling'?"

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post #16 of 20 Old 03-09-2010, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Western US
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Thanks all.
My Mom and I have a wonderful friendship. It is just the "horses" that are a thorn to her.

My horses have their issues no doubt about that, but every single time I interact with them they give to me a gift that no human could ever give to me. They are superb teachers of many things...

I think that possibly as time goes on and my Mom has a chance to see things in a different light she will may have just a tad of understanding of how much they truly feed my life and spirit.

If it doesnt happen well than it just is!

At least I have it within myself to just take it as it is.

I am somewhat upset...well I guess disapointed that she cannot even say a supportive word.
Right now I have come to just accept that she will not allow herself to do so.

I gotta keep moving forward tho.
I will be calling the surgeons office today and settin gthe date. Then doing some errands and off to the ranch to clean tack and groom my kids!
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post #17 of 20 Old 03-09-2010, 10:43 AM
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Gallant, Alabama
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You're def. not alone...

My mum doesn't like horses hardly at all anymore, when she used to ride all the time... After a horse ran away with her, she quit riding the 'stinky, filthy animals' and since I was born (20 years ago the twenty-eighth of this month), she's only been on a horse twice... once because I begged her to go riding (which she ended up and got on, fell off, and didn't go) and once when her youngest niece asked her to ride (which I still resent because I'm her only daughter and she won't go riding with me, even when I -beg-, but her neice just asks and she's all 'ok, but just for a minute'...).

Though my mum does pay for some of my horse-stuff (sometimes), I have to really cut back on how much I go out with friends so my gas money can be used in an emergency now until I get a job. My mum just doesn't understand that times have changed and horses do better with certain things now than 'back then'... lol.

I'm sorry you're having problems, but hang in there!

Horseshoe Loop Farm: Home of Gypsie (22 y/o TWH mare), Dakota (10 y/o TWH gelding), Codie (18 y/o Walkaloosa gelding) & Harlow (9 y/o APHA mare)
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post #18 of 20 Old 03-09-2010, 11:11 AM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Central California
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Hey there. :) first, have you ever looked into horse insurance? It's well worth it if you can find a reputable company. :). Second, my mother isn't supportive as well. I've been out of her control (living on my own, in other words) for years and have a family of my own. I have come to accept that asking for support IS too much to ask of my mother. I just don't tell her anything having to do with my animals as she always tries to take the fun out of it. Misery loves company. She hates that she doesn't have control over me anymore. If she doesn't support me and my horse (who keeps me unbelievably HAPPY), then she doesn't need to know about those details of my life. I'm done letting her manipulate me and feel guilty. You can reach peace with this, but you need to reach a point where you won't accept her negativity. It isn't fair to you!
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post #19 of 20 Old 03-09-2010, 11:16 AM
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Originally Posted by My2Geldings View Post
-Misery loves company-
Great minds think alike!
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post #20 of 20 Old 03-10-2010, 10:14 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Western US
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BackInThe Saddle,
I had not looked into the insurance but it was on my "to DO" list when she came home. I could just kick myself for not doing it sooner.
I am still going to purchase the horse insurance on both my horses because it is a good price yearly, but both of them will have things that will not be covered.
My Bad!
I talked with my Mom yesterday and didnt say anything about Candi. It is just better left alone.
I have much to much going on to have any time to get stuck in the middle of some silly diagreement with my mom about what I do in my life.
I think BackInTheSaddle got some things right on the mark about the control stuff.
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