"Grass is greener" syndrome and finding "the one" - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 04:14 PM
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It's entirely possible to just not click with a horse. And it's no good when your not having fun anymore. Sounds like you want something that wants to do their job, gets excited about their job. I've always had a bad case of "the grass is greener syndrome" or as I call it " there's always something better out there". I own 2 great talented athletic horses, and have been spoiled the past year. One horse has loved barrels since he was started, he has always tried to get to the gate to run at shows. Same with poles, he just loves it and there's nothing better than working with a horse who actually wants to do something. My younger horse now he could care less, he'll do them and he does them well. I have no doubt he will be a great barrel horse but I just don't have fun on him anymore. So it's just one of those things to think about.
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post #12 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 04:22 PM
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I can relate as I don't really feel as if I have that connection with Lucas either, and I have given this topic some thought for a while now because of that.

In a way though, I think that connection comes from those ah ha moments, and with compliant horses there are not as many of those. Riding a challenging horse is certainly more fun, and you feel like you have achieved more - but then what I am looking to achieve is that compliance.

That bond is an amazing thing when you find it, but I think it's pretty rare really. I had it with my former mare, and maybe that's in part why I don't with Lucas because he's not her. And as a one horse at a time owner, how do you find that bond with cycling through horses every year, as it takes time for it to develop. You could really go through 30 horses before you find it, and I'm not sure that it's important enough to spend your life looking, rather than just enjoying the horse you have.
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post #13 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 06:25 PM
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Okay I didn't read any replies, however I have read your entire first post.

I completely understand what you are saying. I was like that with my GP horse. He was a great boy, we had a "bond" on the ground but under saddle it was just "yes okay, got it, oops you messed up but I got it don't worry". There was no magic "click" that makes it enjoyable.

My mare now, its amazing how in tune I am with her. She will tell me when something is not right and I can read her and she reads me and we just "get" each other. And yep, I have an amazing bond with her(I feel like a kid when I say that lol).

While its fantastic having a horse that does what you want, it gets a bit dull. You don't have that feeling to push further and don't have that communication that makes the job feel rewarding and make you just have fun hanging out under saddle.

It is hard to explain. Its one of those topics that just seems really weird when all typed out. But I totally get what you mean. You love your boy, but you don't have that magic spark that makes it that much more enjoyable under saddle.

It might be time to sell him to a jr rider looking for that horse to get the job done and look for one that you will feel that click with.
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post #14 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 06:34 PM
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I wish for you, my friend, two horses.

Two horses, and the ability to support them both.

I would truly hate to see you send Ronan on, because I think he's fabulous. But I'm sure you're tired of hearing that, and thinking that, because it doesn't address the big question.

I have two horses - one is the horse that everyone thinks I should have and that I don't understand why I don't ride more often or just sell the other and keep him.

The other one is the one I really enjoy.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't want to sell the first one. He's rock solid reliable, easy and comfortable. A horse anyone would want in their barn. If my knees are hurting, he's my first choice. But if he were my one and only, I would be SO BORED.

So I have the other one, who's always a challenge, always fun, who I
"get" and who "gets" me. And is also a bit of a pistol. But I feel like I'm really riding when I ride him. When I ride the other one, I feel like a passenger. Sometimes a skilled passenger, but, yeah, a passenger.

When I ride horse #1, I come home content. When I ride horse #2, I come home exhilarated.

I am very lucky that I have two. Doesn't make any sense for me to maintain two, but it works for me.
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post #15 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 06:44 PM
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It makes me wonder if Ronan is just "too green" of a horse for you, and you are ready to majorly compete NOW.

does that make sense?

i can definitely relate to that. my mare Chilly has never been "finished" in the speed events we compete in. I've always loved riding her, but anytime I've gotten a finished horse, she has been placed on the back burner because I'm ready to compete and win now.

if was in your shoes... wouldn't get rid of the big love Ronan. There will come a day when you desire that "yes mam" attitude he has. The willingness to do whatever you ask and not have to fight with him. I think he just needs time and training to develope into your dream partner.
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post #16 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 06:46 PM
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Is there any chance of you possibly being able to find someone to lease Ronan and find yourself another horse that will fill your desires? Maybe a lease or something?

Heck after mare has her baby you are more then welcome to take her on for a couple years. She will give you the thrill you want and then some. There are days I just want to throw in the towel on the snot box but she keeps me on my toes. When I need a fix for a quieter horse I am lucky to have a barn full of client horses to turn to.

Its a horrible place to be in and I completely understand how you are feeling.

BB ~ 2014 Trakehner Bratty Mare ~ 1993 CSHA Em ~ 2007 Standardbred
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post #17 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 06:56 PM
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I always say that it would be no fun to have a robot horse! Not saying yours is a robot by any stretch, but I'd prefer to have some naughty-ness to make riding interesting!
It always brings a smile to my face when I feel that my horse loves to do something. Whether it's a certain exercise, or just how he's feeling a certain day, it makes me almost cry with happiness when I feel him genuinely wanting to do something because he thinks it's fun.
You may want to wait it out a bit more. I went through a stage where I wanted to sell my horse because I wanted something a bit more competitive, but I just waited it out a bit, and realized I couldn't sell him. You may want to think about trying something new? I don't know how flexible you are since you say you have a trainer, but do you think you could try doing some cross country, and see if he likes it? Or dressage? He may be a candidate for eventing, if you can do it in your area. I don't have a trainer, so I just do whatever tickles my fancy. Since I'm a teenager, I love to do it. It really helps me just enjoy my horse, to just goof around some days. I actually started a bit of western pleasure, which is something I never really even wanted to do, but actually found it kind of fun. I PERSONALLY find it relaxing because I find it (WP people, don't hate me...) kinda boring, but it really helps me at local shows because I can get more points! hehe

Riders aren't 16 and pregnant. Riders are 16 and arthritic.
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post #18 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 06:59 PM
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They say it takes a year for you and a horse to settle and click. And that's what I've found as well.
I've been through a lot with my Ro, and selling him in the early years never crossed my mind. Even now when my head says to sell him, my heart wont let me (as I sit in Subway tearing up just thinking about it lol) even though financially, career wise for him and me, etc, it makes sense to sell him now.
From the first year on my coach has said that we bicker like an old married couple. We both know how to bug each other, and I know exactly what he's thinking, what he likes, etc and I'm so worried in selling him that he won't get everything he likes and won't work as hard for the people and they won't like him and will be mean to him :(

Imo after a year if you aren't feeling it, move on. Life is too short to ride a horse you don't love to ride. To be able to have 2 is ideal, but not realistic. And with the market in a bit of a slump you should be able to get something for a reasonable price.
:) Good Luck!
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post #19 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 07:20 PM Thread Starter
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I have read everything and will reply when my thumbs don't run serious risk of becoming bloody stubs.

Thank you, everyone. Really truly you've given me a ton to think about. I'm sitting in my truck right now about to tack up and I can pretty well predict my ride right now. Maura put it perfectly with "after the ride, I feel content, not exhilarated" - that's this to a T.

Thank you all so much for your time and words. It truly is helping.
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post #20 of 34 Old 04-14-2013, 07:36 PM
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It sounds like your idea of 'fun' and your horses are not the same. You say he gets excited when he gets to jump. You just have different interests. I imagine if he could post here, he would say " my owner and I are not in sync. SHe loves to work on ( insert words here) and I try to accommodate her, but I really wish we would work on jumping more! That is what I like to do. I dont want to be rude to her, but we just dont have that Bond. How can I get her to work on jumping more with me?"
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