Great Opportunity lost- just have to vent - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 6 Old 08-24-2013, 02:10 AM Thread Starter
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Great Opportunity lost- just have to vent

This is purely for venting reasons- and to get some stuff off of my chest- so if you are usually bothered by things such as this, feel free to quit reading

A few days ago I learned of a great opportunity being offered to me through my university's Horse Program. I have competed in some of the same shows as the woman who is in charge of my university's horse unit (showteam, equine behavior and training, horseman ship classes, etc). We will call her "M". She has seen me ride in a variety of circumstances and has a pretty accurate knowledge of my skill level. They needed a new instructor for over fences lessons for the show team and she put my name forward.

When she contacted me about the position, she said I would hear something by the end of this week but she knew of no reason why I would not get the job. She knew me, and knew my abilities, so felt like I was fully capable to help her out. She also knows of other students who take lessons from me.

Well a "friend" apparently heard that this woman was considering me, and she was very upset by it. She and another "friend" set up a meeting with M where they filed a written complaint against me. They apparently put in writing that I was an "unsafe" instructor and that the safety of the students would be jeopardized if I were to indeed become an instructor. They even presented her with pictures, PICTURES!!!, that they had somehow gotten ahold of from me on trail rides and me at shows. The pictures from the shows were pretty stereotypical show pictures of me jumping, etc. M told me that she told them she saw NOTHING wrong with the pictures. The trail pictures were of me on my horse Drifter, bareback, in Nike shorts. M apparently told them she saw no problem with those pictures either. HOWEVER, because they put in writing that they deemed me to be unsafe, and they told M they would go higher up than her if need be if she still offered me the position - her hands are tied. I do not get the job.

I have been very upset about this all day, but more so over the fact that someone could be bored enough to go ruin an opportunity like that for someone else. I have a lot of mutual friends who are chipping in support and contacting the school on my behalf, which i am so very thankful for. I blessed to have those people in my lives.

As for the other two girls, I want to find it in my heart to forgive them. And maybe one day I will be able to. But for now, I'm just upset over the whole situation. I did contact one of the girls who had the meeting to discuss with her why she felt like she had to do that. She told me that I didn't take my riding seriously enough and that riding bareback on the trails was proof enough of that. She also told me that she had sent in her own name to the hiring committee and hoped they would learn from the mistake they almost made and not repeat it

And I know. There are two sides to every story. But honestly, I'm not much up for listening to hers right now. I am trying to not hang on and be bitter but I just keep thinking about how much I was looking forward to this wonderful opportunity for me. What's mean to be is meant to be, and I know God's got my back.

To keep it positive - here is a picture of my two best friends on Earth. Whiskey just finished his antibiotics earlier this week and has been recuperating. He got the okay for a small amount of exercise today so I ponied him off of Drifter. It was hot so I was bareback (but I was in jeans this time at least), but I get that probably was still "unsafe". Oh well. They did awesome! And it sure does make exercising two horses a lot easier for the future

pony1.jpg

pony2.jpg

pony3.jpg
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post #2 of 6 Old 08-24-2013, 02:57 AM
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Her hands are tied how, if she thinks they were full of it? Sounds like M either has no guts to support her convictions, or just doesn't want to BOTHER with potential issues due to their drama. Third option is that she is lying to placate you, but that seems less likely.

It sounds like those girls really really dont like you, and wanted the opportunity for themselves. This happened to me on a smaller scale in HS..and that's where drama like that belongs.....High School. Not much you can do about it now unless you stoop to their level.
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post #3 of 6 Old 08-24-2013, 08:22 AM
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Where one door is closed another is open. If M does not have the guts to ignore these two girls and feel like the higher ups would not support her decision is that someplace you really want to be anyway.

As far as forgiving these girls why? The only reason in my mind to forgive someone is if they were to repent and apologize to you for their transgressions. Otherwise they do not deserve your forgiveness. If they go and hire the other girl I am sure it won't last long the last thing people need in a riding program is a drama queen constantly stirring up drama. Keep your chin up and be the better the person, go find your next open door.
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post #4 of 6 Old 08-24-2013, 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted by gssw5 View Post
Where one door is closed another is open. If M does not have the guts to ignore these two girls and feel like the higher ups would not support her decision is that someplace you really want to be anyway.

As far as forgiving these girls why? The only reason in my mind to forgive someone is if they were to repent and apologize to you for their transgressions. Otherwise they do not deserve your forgiveness. If they go and hire the other girl I am sure it won't last long the last thing people need in a riding program is a drama queen constantly stirring up drama. Keep your chin up and be the better the person, go find your next open door.
Try to think of forgiving them as medicine for your soul, not theirs. If you hold onto the anger and frustration towards them, will it affect their life? Doubtful. It will affect yours and how you handle yourself every time you think about it or the situation is brought up.

Once you let go and forgive them then you are free of the chains that bond you to them and their actions. Any apologies they need to make will be stained on them not you. Hope this makes sense and I, very much, know it is easier said than done from personal experience, but also know the weight lifted after fully committing to forgiving those who have trespassed against me whether they deserved it or not. I'm sure there are people who I have trespassed against and hope they were able to forgive me at some point in their life.


Here is a saying that I try to keep filed in the front section of my thinking.

I will not allow any man the power to ruin my life by making me hate him. Author Unknown.
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post #5 of 6 Old 08-24-2013, 08:53 AM
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Everything happens for a reason. If these people are going to turn on you for their benefit or not stick up for you, you may not have ended up wanting that job in the long run. Like others have said, when one door closes another opens. You'll find something better, even if it takes some time. You're the honest one not pushing others down to get where you want.

I don't know that I'd be able to forgive someone for doing something like this, but I do think it'd do you good not to hang onto it forever and let it bring you down. Stay strong!
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post #6 of 6 Old 08-24-2013, 08:57 AM
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Well, that was a pretty low down deed! I agree that you need to work on forgiving them, or at least letting go of the anger, but for your own sake. They already suffer from greed, jealousy and petty mindedness, don't let them poison YOUR soul. You may not be able to let it all go right away, but work on it, for your own mental and spiritual health. Those 2 are already bitter old ladies, you don't want to end up going down the same road.

As for an apology, I wouldn't really want one because people like that find it all too easy to do their dirty deeds and then come back and give an insincere apology later, only to repeat the pattern ad nauseum throughout their lives. It's almost as if they've been taught that it's ok to be a .......... and underhanded and backstabbing, as long as you say you're sorry, mean it or no. And they don't.

Walk away and take the higher ground, you'll be grateful later that you did.
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Last edited by Dreamcatcher Arabians; 08-24-2013 at 09:00 AM.
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